Life Starts Now Sequal to Two Is Better Than One
by AmberDoodle87
Summary: Brooke Nichols lost Michael, but is her broken heart ready to be repared? Brooke faces all new challenges including the undeniable fact that her heart belongs to a married Man.
1. Chapter 1: For Now

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! See I told you it wouldn't be long before I got the sequal up. Now bear with me, I have only written up through chapter four! So in a sense you will be going through this process with me :) and I hope that you enjoy the ride. Anyways, here it is the sequal to Two Is Better Than One, Life Starts Now. Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter One: For Now**

_" When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound, we'll take control of the world, like it's all we have to hold onto, and we'll be a dream." -We The Kings_

* * *

_The church is quiet as I sit, Caleb, Olivia, and Blake next to me. I watch, heart thudding in my chest as Michael stands across from Tatiana, both smiling at each other brightly. The pastors words fall over me, but I don't hear anything he says. Instead I'm consumed by an undeniable ache of realization. I should be the one standing across from Michael, his ring being slipped onto my finger. I get to my feet not even realizing that I moved. _

" _Michael stop," I say, the church full of people gasping as I step out of the pew taking a step forward, " You cant marry her Michael. You belong to me. We belong together. You know it, I know it, Tatiana knows it. I knew it that night that we made love, but I wast stupid, and stubborn, and I was trying to do what was right, but I was wrong. Your everything to me Michael. You're the only one who can make me feel beautiful again. Before you I was completely alone, and sinking fast into nothingness. But you, you came along and you made the world make sense again. Please, you cant marry her." _

_The words echo inside of my head as I sit in my pretty dress, in the pretty sun drenched church filled with hundreds of roses, the scent of them perfuming the air around me. That's what I should of said. I know that. I should have stood up and said the practiced speech, but just as I was about too, Michael said two words. Two words that have changed my world. I do. He said I do. I smile, breath catching in my throat as I wipe a hand over my cheek, and pray, that somehow, someway this is all some sort of bad dream._

_

* * *

_

I sit at my assigned seat, watching the reception happening around me feeling strangely disconnected from everything and everybody. Sure I smile, and listen as people make small talk, but for the most part my eyes are drawn painfully to the head table, where the smiling bride and groom sit, holding each others hands, accepting well wishes from everyone who passes them. I rub at my chest nonchalantly, trying to let go of the pain. It's too late now. I came to face that painful truth when Michael and Tatiana were pronounced husband and wife and exchanged the first of what I'm sure is to be many marital kisses. Of course the moment he said _'I do'_ any and all chance I had disappeared, fluttering away in the air. I jump slightly at the warm hand that lands on my shoulder, and I lift my head seeing Olivia standing by my side, her eyes shining with understanding. She gently squeezes my shoulder and I sigh slightly getting up to follow her out of the reception. The further away we get from the crowd the silence comes quicker, settling between us.

" Brooke," Olivia says stopping to turn and look at me, " Are you okay?" I stare at her as she nervously fiddles with the engagement ring on her finger, and I smile lightly, knowing that it doesn't quiet reach my eyes.

" I'm dealing with it," I murmur taking a deep breath, telling myself that I will not cry. I refuse to. Too many tears have all ready been shed over this huge, ugly mess that is, or was me and Michael's relationship.

" And I'm proud of you for that Brooke, but that isn't what I asked you," she says laying hands softly on my shoulders forcing me to look at her, which she wouldn't be able to do if it wasn't for her three inch heels. I waver, the careful wall that I built to suppress and hold in my hurt starting to crumble.

" It hurts," I whisper closing my eyes slowly, " To sit, and smile, and pretend. Pretend that it isn't killing me. But I don't have a choice in this. I gave him up Liv. How could I be so utterly stupid." I feel the first hot tear slide down my cheek and quickly knuckle it away. Olivia pulls me into a hug and for a second I allow myself the chance to be true to what I feel. I cry not caring that my eyeliner and mascara are probably running, making a huge mess of the careful mask of calm I had spent hours putting on, and as quickly as the moment is given to me someone clears their throat behind us and I jerk away from Olivia not turning around, instead I wipe my hands fiercely over my cheeks.

" Caleb's looking for you Liv," Blake says and I sigh. Of course. Now don't get me wrong, I think my brother and Olivia getting together is great, they compliment each other perfectly. Caleb's cool, calm, laid back demeanor balances Olivia's need to bounce off the walls every waking second, but sometimes I wish that he wouldn't be so attached to her. Besides. She was mine first.

" I'll be right back, why don't you go to the bathroom, clean up, maybe we can all make an early escape," Olivia murmurs in my ear before rushing away, her baby pink dress swirling around her ankles as she heads back to the party. I turn slowly, and smile slowly, sadly as Blake's eyes scan my face.

" Brooke, you're a mess," Blake murmurs wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

" Have I ever told you that you have one hell of a way with words Blake?" I ask laughing despite my dark mood.

" Yes well, it's a gift what can I say," he jokes, easily ushering me towards the restroom, "You know, not many people would be able to do what you did today." I pause outside of the bathroom door and stare up at him, taking in his soft eyes.

" What do you mean?" I ask, gratefully accepting the tissue he presses into the palm of my hand.

" Your in love with him, and yet, you sat in that church today and watched him declare his love for someone else, and you didn't even flinch," he says reaching up to brush a lock of my hair out of my face. I let out a small, pained laugh.

" You have no idea what was going on, on the inside," I say, " I'll be right out." I steal away into the bathroom, and stare at myself in the mirror.

" You are a mess Brooke Nichols," I murmur as I try to clean up the mess my emotions left behind.

* * *

I slip out of the bathroom just in time to see Michael's brother Marlon standing on the stage trying his best to quiet the buzzing crowd.

" At this time, the bride and groom will share their first dance," Marlon says and my heart thuds dully against my ribs as I watch Michael take Tatiana's hand, the smile between them so bright it puts the sun to shame. The music falls over us, some beautiful classical number that I cant seem to recall the name of, because at the moment along with everyone around me, I'm captivated by what a perfect picture they make. Slowly, as if on cue other couples join them on the dance floor and despite the silent breaking of my heart I smile when I notice Olivia head cradled on Caleb's chest eyes half closed as a smile dances over her lips.

" Dance with me," a soft whisper comes to my ear and I turn my head slowly looking back at Blake, his green eyes searching mine for any form of hesitation. I nod my head slowly, taking his hand letting him lead me to the quickly filling dance floor. I settle into his hold and feel the hesitation of his hand on my lower back, like he isn't sure if he should pull me closer or leave the space between us. I smile slowly, pulling myself closer to him, resting my head against his shoulder closing my eyes as the music soars around us.

" Blake," I murmur looking up at him, " I can never thank you enough. I could never make it through any of this without you."

" Brooke, don't thank me," he whispers, shaking his head, " You make it sound like I do it because I feel obligated too. I chose to be your friend Brooke, its what friends do."

" I know Blake, I just," I'm cut off when Michael taps Blake on the shoulder, a tentative smile on his face.

" Mind if I cut in?" Michael asks and I stare at him, my eyes wide as Blake courteously nods his head and takes Tatiana's outstretched hand spinning her away. I blink owlishly, my arms down at my side as Michael takes my hand and waist slowly spinning me across the crowded dance floor until we're settled in a somewhat private corner.

" I didn't think you would come," he murmurs, looking down at me, his brown eyes shining.

" Of course I came Michael, I don't know why, but I did," I say trying to hide the hurt in my voice as the music swells around us.

" Brooke please," he whispers tightening his hold on me telling me there is no way that I could get away without making a scene.

" Michael, this is your wedding okay? I don't want," I stammer, tears thickening my voice to a husky rasp as I swallow deeply, "I don't want you worrying about me anymore okay? I'm not your concern, Tatiana and Talia, they're all that matter now, I love you. I am always going to love you Michael Joseph Jackson, its just a little too late," I press a soft kiss to his cheek slipping out of his arms, walking away from the crowd and the speculating eyes.

* * *

I make my way outside surprisingly dry eyed as I walk a slow and steady pace to my car. My heart hurts more and more with every step I take, but I shut it down, refusing to let myself feel anything, because if I let myself feel it could very easily kill me.

" Brooke, Brooke!" Blake's voice carries through the air and I turn watching him jog towards me, his black tie lying loose around his neck, the sleeves of his crisp white tuxedo shirt rolled up to his elbows " Where are you going?"

" I don't know, I just, I just have to get away," I say pulling my heels off throwing them in my waiting car.

" I'm coming with you," he says and I shake my head firmly and quickly.

" No, you cant Blake okay, your always saving me, you cant always be the hero for me Blake, I have to learn to stand on my own," I say my voice raising and hitching as I maneuver away from his hold.

" What? Why? Brooke where is this coming from?" he asks, boxing me in, his arms braced on either side of my head, my back laying against the car.

" I cant let you in Blake okay, I just cant," I say my voice raising as the tears burn my eyes.

" Why?" he demands his voice potraying the hurt that he's feeling inside.

" Why, because the first person that I let in, that I let myself feel anything for is in that room, married to someone else," I stammer, shaking furiously from my emotions.

" Brooke I'm all ready in, dont you see?" he murmurs resting his head against mine, " And you know it and I think that's what scares you the most about all of this."

" Blake please," I plead my heart hammering against my ribs as I put a hand against his chest, " I cant give you what you want."

" How do you know?" he asks running his hand over my hair cupping the back of my neck with his hand.

" I just do Blake, I'm too messed up for you, I'm unfixable," I whisper gulping deeply when his lips come closer to mine, so close that I can feel his breath washing over my face.

" Brooke, nobody is unfixable, just please, let me," he says his voice pleading as he lowers his lips to mine.

I expect to recoil, to go still as stone and have no physical let alone emotional reaction to Blake's lips on mine. Yet I don't, instead I find myself floating as he kisses me softly, his lips warm against mine before his tongue teases my mouth open, and everything explodes. The taste of him, the smell of him. Everything is Blake. Everything else just falls away, Michael and Tatiana, the pain, the hurt, the memories, and all of it just falls steadily away. For now its just me, Blake, and the sunset.


	2. Chapter 2: The Singer

**Author's Note: Hey everyone, here is chapter two. Legal Mumbo Jumbo-I do not own the poem used in this chapter. The poem is The Singer by Louis de Paor. No copyright Infringement intended :) Moving on. Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 2: The Singer**

" _The lonely and old flames are amazed a man they've never met has the broken tunes of their dreams off by heart on the tip of his tongue."- The Singer, Louis de Paor._

* * *

**6 Months Later**

**Michael's POV**

I wake slowly to the sound of Talia giggling in her play pen and I cant help but smile. At seventeen months old, Talia has become the greatest joy in my life, with her caramel colored skin and hazel eyes. Black hair softly curling around her head in a halo, just like her mother's. I would be a liar if I said that every once in a while there is a stab of white hot pain when I'm reminded that she isn't mine. Not biologically. But at the end of the day, biology doesn't mean a damn thing. What matters is that I'm the one whose been there for everything. Shots, first steps, first words, and now the joy and slight terror of potty training. What can I say my daughter is advanced for her age. I sit up in my bed staring over at Talia, delighted when she catches sight of me and starts wildly clapping her hands.

" Daddy, Daddy, up, up," Talia's soft voice calls as I make my way to her, lifting her gently in my arms.

" Morning pretty girl," I say raining kisses over her face, delighting in the giggles that pierce the air, " Where's Mama? Huh? Where's Mama at?" I hitch Talia on my hip as I walk her to the changing table, easily and fluidly changing her out of her full pull up. My thoughts wander as I walk with my daughter, her head nestled between my shoulder and head. I wonder what Brooke's doing right now? I shake my head lightly. I shouldn't even be thinking about her. I know how she's doing. She's doing great. Brooke Nichols the music industry sweet heart, and Blake Mitchell, the one time bad boy have been the talk of the town since their whirlwind relationship started. Six months ago, today. Kind of creepy that I know what their anniversary date is, but after all, it was my wedding that led Brooke into Blake's arms.

" Your awake, how's my pretty girl?" Tatiana's voice pulls me from my thoughts and I blink slowly taking in the sight of my wife. She's beautiful, no doubt about it. With her long, lean body, shapely legs, and amazing cascade of black ringlets, dressed in tight sweat pants and a three quarter sleeve black shirt, and my eyes glance over her naked ring finger. I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying hard to cool the anger that surges through me.

" Yes she is, and hungry," I murmur passing a hand over her hair, " How was your run?" I wait in silence as I settle Talia into her high chair making my way to the cabinet to pull out a packet of blueberry oatmeal, Talia's current favorite breakfast meal.

" Good, freezing outside today," Tatiana says, her voice cool as she opens the refrigerator, " I'm thinking that I am going to visit my family for a little while." I look up at her as I stir hot water into the bowl.

" What do you mean?" I ask, trying to steady myself.

" Look at us Michael. We are a grade A disaster as a married couple, and you know it," she snaps slapping her water bottle down on the counter.

" Tatiana stop," I say motioning towards Talia. She sighs heavily, rubbing her hand over face.

" We'll talk about this later then," she says brushing a kiss over Talia's head and I'm left to watch as she walks out of the kitchen my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I wake with a jolt when someone jumps on the bed bouncing it wildly. I blink my eyes slowly, barely able to stifle a scream when Olivia's face swims before my eyes.

" Morning sunshine," Olivia says in a sing song voice bouncing the bed under me.

" Damn it Liv, its," I say craning my neck to look at the clock, " Seven thirty in the morning! What the hell are you doing here?"

" Did you forget what today is?" she asks her voice growing whiny as I push her over so I can sit up. I search my memory, trying to recall what today is.

" Yes, yes I did," I say rubbing my eyes slowly.

" God, what kind of maid of honor are you? Today is the final fittings for my dress, and yours," she says and I smile slowly as the excitement in her voice takes me over, " Do you even pay attention to the organizer I gave you?"

" Yes Liv I do," I say my voice slightly heating as I make my way to my closet, " God, I forget one thing, and you act like I have been the worlds worst maid of honor. I was at the studio late last night okay, Blake and I put in a lot of work and we fell into bed, exhausted, around four this morning so forgive me if I was a little foggy on what today is. Where is Blake?" I ask noticing that Olivia is sitting where Blake should be, sound asleep, just like I should be, sound asleep.

" I'm sorry Brookey-bee I don't mean to go all psycho bride on you, I'm just nervous," she says wringing her hands together as I change my shirt, " And Blake, he and Caleb went out for breakfast and then to go do boy things, whatever those are."

" Why are you nervous?" I ask, " You designed the dresses yourself Olivia, and they are amazing. Your much too hard on yourself love, its going to be great."

" I know, I just feel out of control you know, it would be different if I was there to watch over the actual dress making," she says and I laugh loudly at that.

" Olivia, just take a deep breath and relax," I say throwing an arm companionably over her shoulder, " Lets get some breakfast before we go, my treat."

* * *

Two hours later I sit with Olivia waiting for our dresses to be brought out to us. The easy silence around us is interrupted when Olivia turns and stares at me.

" Are you and Blake sleeping together?" Olivia asks suddenly and I choke on the coffee I was drinking.

" Excuse me?" I ask staring at her in disbelief.

" You heard me, are you and Blake sleeping together?" she asks again, and I shake my head slowly, " You know, having sex? Making love?"

" Not that its any of your business," I say at length, " But no we aren't."

" Hey we're best friends so yes it is my business. I just," she says hesitating, " I don't want you to rush into anything."

" Liv, where is this coming from? Blake and I have been dating for six months, in this day and age most couples are sleeping together by the third date, and if and when I decide to sleep Blake will be my decision," I say brushing her hand off my shoulder.

" I know its your decision Brooke, I just don't want you to make a mistake," she says her voice steady.

" What mistake? Blake makes me happy Liv. Why is that a bad thing? He was the only one who was there for me when things got bad between me and Michael, he was there for everything. We're enjoying ourselves," I say, " How is that a mistake?"

" That isn't true Brooke. Blake wasn't the only one there for you with the whole Michael disaster and you know it," she says, dropping her voice to a whisper, " I don't want to fight with you Brooke, and maybe I shouldn't have said anything, I just worry about you that's all."

I take a deep breath, turning my head to stare at her. Her green eyes shimmer and the anger I was feeling is quickly replaced with love and understanding. The truth is, the unspoken truth that is, that I haven't been able to bring myself to take that step with Blake. I have given myself willingly only once in my twenty one years of life and that was to Michael. Of course, Olivia doesn't know that, which I still dont understand. Why I haven't told my best friend that I slept with the man that I loved goes beyond my realm of understanding.

" I know Liv, and I love you for it, but I'm a big girl now. Your getting married, and knowing you and Caleb you'll be starting a family soon, so you don't need to worry about me anymore," I say, taking her hand in mine squeezing it lightly, " Okay enough of this, lets go try on those dresses."

* * *

I stand in the dressing room, staring at myself. The deep red material flows beautifully over my body and I cant help but smile, just a little. My best friend is a genius when it comes to clothes. I turn to the side looking over my shoulder to take in the low scoop back when I realize that there is one big problem. It doesn't cover my tattoo. The tattoo I got that Olivia knows nothing about, the tattoo that Blake had talked me into getting stares back at me. I close my eyes letting myself flow into the memory.

' _How many tattoo's do you have exactly Blake?" I ask, propping myself up on my elbows, smiling when he shrugs his shoulders. The sun beats down over us warmly, the sound of the ocean relaxing me._

' _I don't know, I lost track after I got my sleeve done," Blake says opening his eyes slowly to stare at me, " What's with the sudden interest in my tattoo's Brooke."_

" _Nothing geeze, I was just curious," I say rolling my eyes, " Did they hurt?" _

" _Oh yeah they did," he says rolling over laying his head on his folded arms, " But it's a good pain. I don't know how to explain it, I guess you would just have to experience it for yourself." I watch as he gets to his feet and holds a hand out to me. _

" _What are you doing?" I ask, as he drags me behind him, our feet kicking up sand as he races across the beach. _

" _Your going to get your first tattoo Brooke Elizabeth," he says, opening the door to the car for me and I slide in, in stunned silence. _

_I fiddle with my bracelet nervously as I stare at the posters on the wall, the colorful possibilities. _

" _Could always go for the tried and true butterfly," Blake jokes and I shake my head. _

" _Absolutely not," I murmur rolling my eyes, " Besides I know what I want to get." _

_" What?" he asks, and I shrug my shoulders at him._

_" You will just have to wait and see," I say, giggling as I all but skip off into one of the curtained rooms when the tattoo artist calls my name._

_I lay on the bed, my shirt off and I jump just slightly when the needle is pressed to my skin. I get it now, what Blake was talking about. The pain. Its intense, and has hot tears pricking at my eyes, but its good. It's a good pain. One that takes away everything else. _

" _What's with the quote? Does it have a special meaning to you?" the tattoo artist who introduced himself as Blaze, asks me. I sit and think for a minute not sure if I should tell him, but I clear my throat. What can be the harm in it? _

" _Have you heard of the Gaelic poet Louis de Paor?" I ask, and his answering 'uh-uh,' has me shaking my head, " He wrote this poem called The Singer. I read this poem when I was younger, and just recently I read it again, and the only thing that didn't change about this poem was the fact that the one line, ' the girl made lovely by sorrow,' has always jumped out and grabbed me by the throat, and has never let go." _

" _Do you know the poem? By heart?" he asks and I nod my head, laying my head to the side as I recite the poem by heart. _

_These two here in front of me __think he's singing to only them, __when he plays a loving lament, __their fingers ache to be home __where they can play on each __other til morning. The lonely __and old flames are amazed __a man they've never met __has the broken tunes of their dreams __off by heart on the tip of his tongue.__When he touches the strings __that tied them together the first time, the married couple in the corner __move closer in spite of themselves.__When the sleeve of the mans shirt __brushes his wife's shoulder, a young fella __at the other end of the room __takes off his summer jumper and asks the barman __to turn the heat down for God Almighty's sake__The girl made lovely by sorrow prays __he'll never rest until he finds her. __Outside, a fleet of sirens storms the night squadcars, ambulances and fire-brigades_  
_running from the fire that can't be put out __in the smouldering hearts of the men inside_  
_who are late again for the neverending funeral._  
_Beside the bridge, the morse code_  
_of loneliness broadcast on flurries_  
_of air is clear as day to the man __who has just jumped. The water is smooth_  
_as a sheet and his face uncreased_  
_as a nurse's veil. He is deaf to the world_  
_as the music fills his mouth, washing away_  
_a world of worries. The singer_  
_keeps on strumming the strings stretch_  
_from the heart to the mouth of his guitar._  
_His cry is soft as the river, a blanket of water_  
_drawn up over all our sleepy heads._

* * *

I snap out of the memory when an incessant knock comes on the door, and I shake my head still staring at the words that trail down my spine.

" Brooke, are you coming out of there anytime today?" Olivia calls through the door and my heart thuds in my chest wildly.

" Uhm Liv, hold on," I say, pulling open the door, snagging her wrist in my hand dragging her into the dressing room with me.

" What the hell Brooke, what's the matter? Is something wrong with the dress," she asks reading the panic in my face, " Oh God this cant be happening to me, it's supposed to be perfect."

" Liv the dress is perfect, beautiful, it isn't the dress," I assure her patting her arm reassuringly, " Its me."

" What about you, you look beautiful," she says wiping at her streaming eyes.

" There's something I never told you about," I say, " And I don't want you to freak out okay. I meant to tell you, I just. It slipped my mind."

" What could have possibly slipped your mind," her voice trails off as I slowly turn and I watch in the mirror as she stares, slack jawed, at my back, " Oh. My. God!"

" I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, and I don't regret getting it, though I probably could have planned the timing better, I'm sorry Liv."

" It's beautiful Brooke, its perfect. Its. Its you," she whispers running her fingers over the words that dance down my back.

" You aren't mad?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper when she meets my eyes in the mirror.

" No. I'm hurt that I wasn't there with you, but I'm not mad," she says turning me around to look at her.

" But your wedding, wont this be like one big eye sore in your pictures?" I ask, fiddling with my bracelet.

" I don't think so," she says, her eyes cloudy, " Besides if it is, they can airbrush it out."

" Oh okay, good," I murmur staring at her shocked.

" Why are you looking at me like that?" she asks, and I start laughing, slowly at first until I am clutching my sides my body shaking with the giggles that pass my lips.

" I thought for sure that you were going to turn into Bitchzilla over this," I choke out trying to catch my breath. She laughs loudly at that hugging me tightly.

" The day is still young my friend," she says and we both collapse to the floor laughing over the absurdity of it all.


	3. Chapter 3: We Wait

**Author's Note: Okay so first off a HUGE thank you to MichaelJacksonFan227 and Abercrombie Twilight for the reviews all ready! Seriously they made me so happy and they made me smile like ubersmiles all day no joke :D Anyways, so yeah here is Chapter Three of LSN :) I hope that you all enjoy! Read on party people :) As always Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 3: We Wait**

" _How much of human life is lost in waiting."-Ralph Waldo Emerson._

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I pace my bedroom arms crossed over my chest as I tell myself for the millionth time not to check the clock. Darkness settled over Neverland hours ago, and with it the worry. Tatiana's been gone almost all day. She left shortly, in a flurry of motion after our small argument this morning. I scrub my hands over my face, before finally sitting on the end of my bed.

'_Look at us Michael. We are a grade A disaster as a married couple, and you know it.' _

Tatiana's words haunt me as I lay back with closed eyes. So, our marriage may not be the picture of perfection, but is it really that bad? We spend time together, we're cordial, we share a bed for heaven's sake! How can it be a disaster? True, we don't really talk about anything of substance, oh who am I kidding? Our conversations stretch as far as what we think about Talia, or whether the weather is going to be different the next day. I don't understand it at all. We were happy, just a few months ago. Loving, caring, understanding of each other. What changed it? What had ice replacing the fire, the passion? I close my eyes slowly, thinking back. Back to the day that changed everything.

_I stare at the magazine in front of me, eyes clouding over as the picture burns itself in my memory. Brooke's long legs wrapped tightly around Blake's waist, a bright smile on her lips. _

' _Heart Warming Home Coming, Brooke Nichols, Hollywood's newest sweet heart and 'it' girl returns home from a four week tour promoting her album The Long Way Home, and leaps into the arms of boyfriend Blake Mitchell. Look out Brangelina, 'Brake's' in town.' The picture caption reads and my heart slowly breaks in my chest. I bow my head, crumpling the paper between my hands when the door to my office opens. _

' _Hey, look who came to say hi to daddy,' Tatiana's happy voice fills the air and I look up, blinking quickly when her smile falters as she cradles Talia against her, ' Michael, what's the matter.' _

' _Nothing,' I answer quickly, shoving the paper in the desk drawer putting on the biggest smile that I can manage as I straighten myself out and leave the room with my wife and daughter in front of me. _

_I walk into the office, smiling as I button up my fresh shirt, my fingers faltering when I see Tatiana sitting at the desk, tears streaming down her face as she stares at something on the desk. _

' _Honey, what's the matter?' I ask taking to quick strides into the room, stopping when she holds the magazine up at me. _

' _This. This is what had you so upset earlier today. A picture of Brooke and Blake. It all makes sense now, you still love her, and you hate seeing them together,' she says at length her voice hitching from her emotion. _

' _Tatiana, it isn't like that,' I say trying to cool the temper that rises in my voice._

' _Then tell me what it is then Michael? Its been what three months since you saw Brooke, and you still aren't over this? You and Brooke were never technically together Michael, and I get that you loved her, and she loved you, but you weren't fair to her, and she wasn't to you, and you know what, it looks like she is moving on with her life, so why aren't you?' she demands, her voice rough with a mixture of anger and pain. _

' _It isn't that easy Tatiana, okay? I love Brooke. I will always love Brooke, but then there's you, and Talia, my family. You think this is easy for me? To know that what we 'have' is based off a lie?' I ask running my hands over my hair. _

' _Your right, what we had at the beginning was a lie Michael. The engagement was a lie, and you claiming paternity of Talia is a lie, but I tried changing that Michael. I told the truth. I went to Brooke, and I told her, and she made her choice. And you know what? I'm not even mad at her. This isn't her fault. She did what she thought was the right thing, and I will be thankful to her for the rest of my life, but it does not change the fact that you chose to marry me, you chose this life, and instead of giving an honest effort to us, you choose to hold onto something that is in the past,' she screams, tears streaming down her face as she storms past me to the door, ' You know what Michael, I cant do this anymore. You either need to end this between us, or you need to forget her, because having us both in your life, in your heart, it just, it isn't working.' _

I open my eyes from the memory, remembering the heart break that was in her voice, the pain in her eyes, and realize that she was right. It isn't fair. To hold onto Brooke when she is clearly out of reach. But how do you let go of your heart?

I walk down the stairs just in time to see Tatiana walking through the front door her shoes in hand as she quietly shuts the door behind her. I watch her for a moment, noticing the way the moonlight filtering through the window dances over her hair. She is truly beautiful, not just on the outside but inside too.

" Oh Michael," Tatiana whispers pressing a hand to her heart a soft smile on her lips, " You scared me. What are you doing sneaking up on me that way?"

" Sorry, I was just coming down to get some water when I saw you," I murmur coming down the rest of the stairs capturing her hand in mine, " We should talk."

" Michael cant this wait?" she asks, and I shake my head seriously as I all but drag her into the library. I shut the door quickly behind us to make sure that she can't get out. I stare at her, watching the way that she fiddles with her hands nervously her eyes not meeting mine.

" Tatiana, I'm sorry," I blurt out noticing the way she lifts her eyes to mine staring at me wide eyed.

" What?" she asks sitting down slowly.

" I'm sorry. You were right a few months ago, when you told me that I need to make my choice and stick with it. It isn't fair to you, or Talia, or Brooke even. I have to let her go, I know that I do. To be completely honest I just dont know how to let her go," I say my heart breaking at the revelation.

" Michael," she whispers, " I understand, believe me. I knew that you were in love with Brooke the first time I saw you look at her, and I'm sorry that I got in the way, but the truth is, I'm in love with you Michael. I dont know when it happened, or how it happened, but it did, and you know what, I dont regret that, but if we're going to work at this marriage, work to keep our family together I need, I have to know that you are going to give it, us, me an honest effort."

" I will honey," I say cupping her delicate face in my hands, " I promise."

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I wake slowly, my phone buzzing loudly next to my head. I pick it up, noting that its two in the morning and groan when I see that its Caleb.

" What do you want?" I growl into the phone rolling over.

" Brooke, you need to get to the hospital," Caleb says and my heart freezes in my chest as I sit up, throwing the covers off of me.

" Olivia? What happened, is she okay?" I ask breathlessly as I pull on a pair of jeans fighting with the button. Car accident was the first thing I thought of. I told, I tried telling her that she was too tired to drive home tonight, I begged for her to stay with me tonight, to have a real girls night, but she was so insistent. She wanted to be home with her man.

" It's not Olivia Brooke, its Blake," he says and I my knee's buckle slightly as I walk to the door.

" What, what happened?" I ask rushing down the stairs, into the cold of night, rushing towards my car.

" I'll tell you when you get here, hurry," he says and before I can demand to know what is going he hangs up. I curse wildly as I shove into the car, the engine roaring to life as I throw into gear and race towards the hospital and my heart.

* * *

I run into the emergency department of UCLA Medical Center, my breath tearing in and out of my lungs as I frantically search for Caleb. I don't see him. In the mixed crowd there isn't a sign of my brother. I smooth my hair and walk as calmly as I can up to the nurses station.

" Excuse me, can you tell me where my boyfriend is?" I ask reigning in my emotions as best as I can, " His name is Blake, Blake Mitchell." I watch as the nurse, in her cheery colored scrubs, punches in the information I gave her.

" He's up in surgery, if you take the elevator to the eighth floor you can wait in the waiting room and I will let the surgeon now that you're here so he will be able to update you," she says giving a ghost of a sympathetic smile.

" What happened?" I ask, gripping the desk, afraid that if I let go I will completely fall apart.

" Miss, I don't know, the doctor will be the one to talk to about the extent of his injuries," she says and I nod my head turning away, walking to the elevator. I brush past a couple getting off, my fingers shaking as I lift them to press the button. I watch numbly as the doors slide shut a soft hum filling the empty space. I wrap my arms around myself trying to stop the thoughts racing through my head. I jump slightly when the elevator jolts to a stop and the doors slide open. I look up and see Caleb, pacing in front of the operating room doors, blood covering his shirt.

" Caleb," I call out, rushing to him dropping my purse to the ground, I grab him my hands racing over him, " What happened? What happened? Are you okay? God why aren't you being seen by a doctor?"

"I'm fine Brooke, I'm okay," he says, pulling me to a shair sitting next to me his hands covering mine, " Blake called me just before you dropped Olivia off, asked if I would come into the studio because he knew you weren't going to make it, he wanted to run a track by me, see what I thought. I told him I'd be there Brooke, but Liv, she and I, we started," his voice weakens as his face flushes dark pink and I cant help but smile, just the smallest smile showing him he didn't have to explain that part to me, " I got there late. And I knew, I knew something was wrong. Usually Roger is there if someone stays late, but sometimes when Blake and I are there late we tell him to just go home, we can take care of ourselves. The lobby was a mess. The computers were shoved off the counter, broken glass everywhere, so I ran to the studio as fast as I could. That's where I found Blake. He was bleeding. There was so much blood, it was everywhere. Pooled under him, and he was gasping for air. He was shot Brooke, somebody came in and shot him."

My knees buckle, my head swimming as the weight of his words crush me, my stomach rolling sickly inside of me as I press a hand to my mouth. _' He was shot Brooke, somebody came in and shot him.' _Caleb's words echo inside my head as the shaking starts from deep inside of me.

" How bad, how bad is it?" I ask looking up into his eyes pleading with him to tell me the truth, to nit sugar coat any of it for me.

" I don't know," he murmurs, wrapping his arm around me, " The surgeon talked to me before heading in. Said the bullet was lodged somewhere, there's internal bleeding. He said he would let us know as soon as he can."

" So what do we do now?" I ask, my voice hitching as tears roll down my face.

" We pray, and we wait," he murmurs, pressing his lips to my hair as I turn my face into his shoulder.

" We wait," I whisper, closing my eyes on a silent prayer.


	4. Chapter 4: Loss

**Author's Note: Chapter Four! Yay! Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 4: Loss**

" _When he shall die, t__ake him and cut him out in little stars,_

_And he will make the face of heaven so fine, __That all the world will be in love with night,_

_And pay no worship to the garish sun."-__**William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.**_

* * *

I pace the waiting room arms wrapped around myself as my heart beats dully in my chest. Its been three hours since I got here, staring at these same _'cheerfully'_ yellow painted walls, jumping every time the doors swing open, filling with dread that its going to be the surgeon, left feeling hollow when its not.

" Brooke, you need to sit down," Olivia says putting her hand on my back, but I shrug her off shaking my head furiously. I can't sit down, I can't let myself relax, to be still. If I do then all I will be able to do is think, and if I think too much I'm afraid that my emotions will get the best of me.

" I should have been there Liv, Blake called me before he called Caleb, but I told him I wouldn't make it tonight. That I was too tired. I should have been there," I say my voice shaking as the emotions I have been holding in threaten to spill over.

" Brooke, you cant blame yourself," she says her voice hushed but firm, " What would have happened if you were there Brooke? Then I would be stuck pacing this disgustingly painted waiting room scared to death that not only Blake is dying, but my best friend too."

" That isn't the point Olivia!" I say throwing my hands up in the air, my voice rasing as I pace away, " How long did he lay there, by himself, in his own blood? How scared was he Liv, or was he at peace thinking he was going to die alone? If I had just been there, if I hadn't been so tired, if I wouldn't have stayed out so late with you, maybe things would be different."

" Listen to me Brooke Nichols, this isn't your fault, you being there wouldn't have changed things one bit," she says taking my face in her hands making me look at her, " You cant blame yourself. Your going to make yourself sick, thinking that way. Just breathe."

" I cant breathe Liv, I cant," I say sinking to my knees crying into my hands, " It hurts too much."

" I know, God I know," she says sitting next to me her hand running up and down my back as silence falls.

* * *

I sit, nestled between Olivia and Caleb, each of us clinging to each other. I glance up at the clock on the wall and realize with a small, sick ball of anxiety settling into my stomach that it's been close to six hours. Six hours of pacing, worrying, and heartbreaking silence. I slowly scan the room, noticing that there is nobody around. No nurses, doctors. Nothing. Just silence.

" Miss. Nichols," a tight, deep voice calls out, and I look up seeing the surgeon walking towards us from the wide double doors, the front of his pale green scrubs soaked in sweat. I get to my feet, Olivia's hand tight in mine.

" Yes, how's Blake, is he okay?" I ask the words rushing together and my heart sinks when the surgeon gets a pained look on his face.

" Follow me please," he murmurs and I can tell just by the way that he said the words that it isn't good. I clutch onto Olivia as the surgeon leads us into a private family room. Silence falls as I watch the doctor closely, and I can tell that he's looking for the right words to say. " Blake's injuries are quite severe, the bullet entered just under the sternum, which is the breast bone and missed his heart by mere centimeters. There was significant blood loss, and his drug use made it harder to stabilize his condition."

" Drug use?" I question, my head spinning as I try to take in everything that the doctor is saying, " Blake doesn't use drugs, you must be mistaken."

" There is no mistake Miss. Nichols. The lab report showed high levels of cocaine and methamphetamine in his system," he says and I shake my head furiously.

" There must be a mistake, there has to be," I say my hands shaking fiercely, " I've been with Blake almost every second of everyday for the last six months I would know if he was using."

" Miss. Nichols, I know that this is hard to hear, to understand, but I have come to know that if someone doesn't want you to know that they are using drugs they will go to extreme lengths to hide it," he says his eyes glinting with a compassion I don't understand.

" What about Blake, is he," I trail off choking on a sob, " Did he make it?"

" He's on life support, but to be completely honest it will be a miracle if he makes it through the next twenty four hours," he says his voice low and I can tell that he is trying to be comforting, " You need to understand that because of Blake's injuries you should start contacting family. We lost him on the table for nearly thirty minutes."

" His Mom moved back to Sydney four years ago, his father passed away when he was twelve. She's his only family," I murmur barely noticing the tissue that Caleb presses into my hand.

" You should contact her and have her in the states as soon as possible," he says, " You can see him if you would like, but just be prepared. He doesn't look like the Blake you used to know." I nod my head slowly as I watch him get to his feet, " I am truly sorry Miss. Nichols."

I watch the surgeon leave the room and wait for the emotions to overwhelm me, only it doesn't come. I'm numb from the inside out. There's nothing there. I blink slowly, trying to remind myself to breathe.

" Brooke," Caleb says wrapping an arm over my shoulder but I shake it off getting to my feet.

" I have to call Caleb's mom," I murmur leaving Olivia and Caleb staring after me.

* * *

I stand in the door way of Blake's hospital room, my heart beating erratically in my chest. The phone call to Blake's mother Celia was heartbreaking, but I kept it together. I didn't cry, I couldn't. I need to be strong. For Celia. For Blake. I cant see him through the drawn curtain around his bed, and the only noise that fills the room is the sound of machines. The things that are keeping Blake alive. I shudder at the thought and force myself to take a step into the room and slip through the curtain.

The breath hitches in my throat as I stare down at Blake. He stands out shockingly pale against the blindingly white sheets on the hospital bed, tubes and wires crowding the bed, wrapping over every conceivable part of his body.

" Blake, oh God Blake," I whisper crumpling to the floor beside his bed weeping into my hands, " What did you do?" I rock back and forth my head in my hands and nearly jump out of my skin when I feel a set of warm, soft hands on my shoulders.

" Brooke," a voice calls out to me and I look up through blurred eyes to see Caleb kneeling in front of me his eyes red rimmed.

" Did you know? Did you know that he was doing drugs?" I ask my voice barley a whisper as I let him help me to my feet.

" No," he murmurs his arm wrapped tightly around my waist as he leads me from the hospital room, " Nobody did."

* * *

I step out of my apartment and head long into a paparazzi feeding frenzy. I blink furiously against the flashing bulbs and raised voices. I shield my eyes as I try and make my way to my car.

" Brooke! Brooke, are you a drug addict too?" someone in the crowd yells and I stop dead in my tracks turning slowly to stare at the crowd of faces.

" How dare you ask something like that. My boyfriend is laying in a hospital barely clinging to life and all you care about is knowing if I do drugs as well?" I scream balling my fists tightly by my sides, " You should all be ashamed of yourselves." I run for my car, getting in and slamming the door loudly. I grab onto the steering wheel and scream at the top of my lungs, emptying the pent up anger into the silent air of my car. I lay my head against the cool leather and close my eyes, jumping slightly when my phone buzzes loudly next to me.

" Hello," I answer breathlessly sitting up slowly.

" Brooke, Blake's mom just got to the hospital, she's asking to see you," Caleb says, and I feel my blood run cold as I swallow harshly.

" I'll be there in ten minutes," I murmur hanging my phone up taking one last look at the group of paparazzi swarming around my car.

* * *

I walk into UCLA Medical center for the sixth time in the last thirty six hours, nodding slightly at the security workers blocking the door quickly behind me. I smile softly at a few nurses who murmur _'hello'_ to me as I walk towards the elevators. As the doors slide shut I realize just how scared I am. Blake and I had plans to go to Australia so that I couldn't visit where he grew up, meet his mother. We were supposed to go, together, after Caleb and Olivia got married. I close my eyes as the tears and memory start pouring over me.

' _Do you think your Mom will like me?' I ask, rolling over so that I'm propped on my elbow, staring down at Blake a slow smile forming on his lips. _

' _No,' Blake answers seriously, and I stare down at him in shock, ' She's going to love you.' I slap his chest playfully, laughing loudly when he starts tickling me and I collapse on top of him letting him easily roll me to me my back. _

' _How do you know? Maybe she's going to hate me simply because I'm the new woman in her little boys life,' I tease giggling when he rolls his eyes. _

' _I promise you, my Mum is going to love you,' he reassures me brushing the hair from my forehead. _

' _Yeah? How do you know?' I ask, linking my hands behind his neck smiling when he lowers his forehead to mine. _

' _Because I love you,' he murmurs pressing a soft kiss to my lips. _

I snap out of the memory when the elevator jolts to a stop and the door slide open. I step onto the adult I.C.U ward and press the button by the door.

" Hello," a voice calls through the intercom.

" I'm here to see Blake Mitchell, room 1478," I say into the box taking a step back when the door swings open. I smile at the nurses sitting at the nurses station and walk slowly, my arms wrapped tightly around myself as I step into Blake's room. I notice the woman right off. She's a slip of a woman, her dark hair bundled on top of her hair, her green eyes red rimmed from countless hours of tears. One delicate hand rests over Blake's hand, and I watch as she her small lips move, murmuring something in his ear.

I consider backing out of the room, feeling guilty, as if I am invading on some private moment that I'm not meant to see, but for some reason I cant drag my eyes away from the scene they make. I know the pain I feel is bad enough to overwhelm me but I cannot even begin to think of the pain that Celia is going through, looking at her son who is so close to deaths door.

" You must be Brooke," a soft accented voice calls to me and I lift teary eyes trying to blink away the proof of my emotions.

" Ye-yes," I stammer stunned when she wraps deceivingly strong arms around me.

" My Blake has told me so much about you," Celia whispers leading me to the chair next to hers.

" He has?" I ask, noticing the way she continues to hold my hand.

" Yes. The last six months all his phone calls have been about his Brooke," she says her voice thick, " He sure chose a beauty. Your stunning."

" Thank you," I murmur cursing the fact that I blush deeply. We settle into silence, both of us clinging to each other, lost in our own thoughts. I close my eyes allowing myself to be swept away.

_' Close your eyes,' Blake instructs and I roll my eyes giving in when he slips his hands up to cover them. _

_' Blake, your being so secrative," I say stifling a giggle as I let him lead me, ' What's going on?'_

_' You'll see, just be patient," he murmurs his breath whispering against my ear sending a small shiver up my spine, ' Okay, open.' I blink my eyes open slowly my mouth falling open at the house we stand in front of. _

_' Blake," I say breathlessly looking at him and then back to the house. It's the house I told Blake about, the one thats right next to Caleb and Olivia's. _

_' I think its time we move out of that stuffy apartment Brooke, into a real home, a home of our own,' he says and I laugh loudly launching myself into his arms, wrapping myself around pressing a firm kiss to his lips. _

_' I love you Blake.'_

" Can you tell me what happened to him?" Celia asks after a while and I swallow deeply as I shake myself out of the memory, and turn to look at her pleading green eyes.

* * *

" He was at the studio, working late. Blake, he uhm, he asked if I would join him, but I had been out all day with my best friend Olivia, we were doing dress fittings for her wedding, so I said no, and I went home and went to bed. Caleb, my brother, he called me at two in the morning, saying that I needed to come to the hospital. When I got here he told me that he went to the studio to meet Blake and he found the place in shambles, and Blake had been shot," I say my voice barely a whisper as I wipe my hands over my face trying to wipe away the tears that fall steadily down my cheeks, " I'm so sorry Celia. I should have been there with him."

" What nonsense is this?" she asks her voice firm as she pulls me into a tight hug, " If you'd been there you would be in the bed right next to his. Don't go putting unnecessary guilt on yourself Brooke."

" There's uh, something else you should know," I stammer pulling away from her fighting to look her in the eyes, " The surgeon told me that when they ran his lab work they found drugs in his system." I watch her as she shakes her head sadly, looking back at Blake.

" I had a feeling," she whispers, " But I shrugged it off. Did Blake ever tell you why we moved to the states?"

" No, he didn't," I say, " I just thought that after his father passed away you both just needed a new start."

" That's the truth, but there was more to it. After Blake's Dad passed he fell into the wrong crowd, started doing drugs, staying out at all hours of the night and I knew the only way to save my child's life was to get him as far away from the bad influences as I could. I thought he had been doing so well, he had his music, and you, but the last few times we talked he seemed so out of it, not himself, I should have known."

" You should have known? I lived with him. You were halfway across the world. I shared a home with him, every single day, how did I not know?" I ask frustrated with myself all over again as I push to my feet and pace the cramped hospital room, " I swear to God if I had known I would have gotten him help. I would have gotten him clean, I would have, I would have," I stammer my throat thickening with tears as I begin shaking, barely able to breathe.

" Hush now," Celia whispers taking me in her arms as we sink to the floor, " You wouldn't have been able to do a thing Brooke. Listen to me," she says taking my face in her hands her eyes so much like Blake's its staggering shining with fresh tears, " Blake made his choices this has nothing to do with you." I hug her tightly, both of us crying out our broken hearts.

* * *

I open the door to my apartment, shutting it quietly behind me. My heart thunders in my ears as I turn and see Olivia and Caleb sitting together on the couch, their hands entwined with each others. A sob tears from my throat as I press the back of my hand to my mouth.

" Brooke!" Liv calls out racing towards me as I rock unsteadily on my feet, " Brooke what happened?"

" Blake," I whimper crumbling to the floor as my sobs fill the apartment, " Blake's gone."

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I wake with a jolt, the phone ringing on my bedside table pulling me from a much needed deep sleep. My hand fumbles over the bedside table clicking on the light. I sit up slowly trying not to stir Tatiana from sleep. I pick up the phone, clearing my throat as I shut my eyes against the bright shining light.

" Hello," I mumble into the phone trying to stifle a yawn.

" Mike, its Caleb," Caleb's deep voice fills my head and I blink my eyes open turning to look at the clock.

" Caleb, its four thirty in the morning," I say kicking my legs over the edge of the bed, " I was sleeping."

" I know, but it's Brooke, she needs you," he says and the panic in his voice making my heart stumble in my chest, sending anxiety coursing through my veins.

" What happened?" I say cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder as I shove my arm into the black shirt laying over the back of my chair.

" Blake died," he says and the world as I knew it rocks around me.


	5. Chapter 5: Never Again

**Author's Note: Okay so here is chapter five, this is the last chapter that I have thus far so from here on out you all will be riding the waves with me :) Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 5: Never Again**

" _Death is absolute. There is no coming back from it. And the one's left behind, are left trying to pick up the shattered pieces to their life."-Anonymous_

* * *

I stare out of the window of my bedroom, watching the L.A skyline through blurry eyes. I cant seem to make the tears stop, as hard as I try, they keep falling. You would think that after a while they would simply run dry, if anything dehydration would set in. You would be wrong. I groan loudly when a soft knock cuts through the silence in the room, and I roll my eyes. If it isn't Caleb, then its Olivia. I thought that they had finally given it a rest after the first three hours of knocking didn't prove successful for them, then again this is my brother and best friend I'm talking about, they are nothing if not persistent.

" Brooke," Olivia's voice calls through the closed door, " Brooke, please let me in."

" Go away," I call out angrily bending down to pick up my shoe, throwing it roughly, satisfied by the loud thumping noise it makes against the wood. I suppose I shouldn't be angry with them, they are just trying to help, but right now, right now I just need to be alone. I need time to process, to understand. That's stupid though. I will never understand how a seemingly healthy twenty four year old could not only be hiding a drug problem, but would be shot and killed without a trace of who did it or why. It doesn't make sense, it will never make sense to me. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We had plans. Amazing plans. It was going to be us against the world.

I push out of the chair whirling around the room, Blake's presence everywhere. His clothes lay haphazardly off the back of the chair, his shoes neatly lined up in the closet, the smell of his cologne filling the room. I feel the anxiety rising inside of me as I start searching through his things. I pull the drawer out of the nightstand, dumping its contents on the bed, my hands pushing through eveyrthing shaking as I search. That's when I find it. The first little vial of white powder. With shaky fingers I put it on the top of the dresser, turning, even more determined to find out what all Blake hid from me.

* * *

I hear the bedroom door sliding open slightly, and with one hand being weighed down by Blake's journal, the other clutching the front of my sweater. My head swims when I see that it's Michael kneeling in front of me, his eyes filled with a compassion that overwhelms me, sending me spiraling headlong into guilt. Leave it to Michael to remember that I keep a spare key hidden just above the door.

" What, what are you doing here?" I stammer turning my eyes back to my lap, " You shouldn't be here."

" Caleb called me," Michael whispers, ignoring the anger that seeps through my voice and rains over his head, " Said you might need a friend. Might need me. Brooke, I'm sorry."

" He lied to me. All this time, we lived in the same home, slept in the same bed, and he was lying," I murmur tears burning a trail down my cheek, " You know what he wrote in here?"

" No I don't," he says looking at the journal I hold up. I flip through the pages coming to rest on the last page, the ink slightly smudged from where my tears have landed.

" Read this," I say handing it to him, drawing my legs to my chest as Michael clears his throat, "Out loud."

' _My life was such a mess, nothing at all made any sort of sense. I was wandering a dark road without the slightest clue as to where to go, or how to save myself. And just when I thought that I was forever going to be facing this world alone, she came along. My Brooke. With all that dark hair, and those beautiful, yet wounded eyes that seem to see into the very core of me. She saved my life. _

_I don't know if she will ever fully understand just what she's done from me. How do you explain to someone that they have pulled you from the depths of hell and breathed a new life into you? I know she's hiding something from me. And for a while I feared that she was still in love with Michael, but now I know that isn't the case. She loves me. She really loves me, and it's a love that I know I don't deserve. I just wish that she would let me in, all the way, give her hurt to me, and let me heal her, the way she healed me. _

_If it takes the rest of my life I will prove to her, to my Brooke that I am worth the risk. That she can trust me. I will never leave her, I will always be here for her, nothing can drag me away. Not a damn thing in this world,' _his voice trails off and I watch as he closes the journal. I wipe my eyes furiously, shaking my head. " That was beautiful. You mattered to him Brooke."

" No, no I didn't," I say getting to my feet, pacing the room, " Because if I mattered, if I saved his life like he says I did, he would have never started using again, he would have never hid something like that from me."

" Brooke," he says capturing my shoulders in his hands, " You need to stop. I wont pretend to know what Blake was thinking when he chose to hide the things he hid from you, but he loved you."

" Stop it!" I scream, " I don't want to hear that he loved me Michael. If he loved me, he wouldn't have hid this from me," I say picking up the journal he threw onto the bed, " Or all of this." I shove every little vial that I found off of the dresser, the glass shattering, white powder raining down through the air like snow settling onto the ground. " I didn't save his life. I couldn't save his life. I couldn't." I collapse against Michael, my hands clutching the material of his shirt as I sob, letting myself, for just this moment to find some sense of comfort in his arms.

" Brooke, baby," Michael murmurs against my hair holding me close to him.

" I want this to be a bad dream," I cry out, " Why can't I wake up? Just help me wake up!"

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I run my hand over Brooke's hair, watching her sleep. I don't know how long she cried for, I just held onto her, letting her find what little comfort I could give her, riding the wave of her emotions, until the sobs gave way to shaking shoulders, and finally her breathing evened out and I knew she was asleep, completely emptied out. I look around her bedroom, and sigh heavily. It's a disaster, and that's putting it mildly. In all reality it looks like a tornado ripped through the large room, leaving upheaval in its wake.

I pull the sheet over Brooke's slim shoulder and make my way through the room, turning back once I'm at the door, smiling sadly before closing the door softly behind me.

" Is she okay?" Olivia asks, her voice hoarse from the tears that she's been crying and I shake my head dropping heavily onto the couch.

" I don't know," I answer honestly, knowing that's what Caleb and Olivia would expect from me, " I don't know if she will ever be okay. She tore the room apart. Found vials of what I'm guessing was Blake's stash, his journal. She's a mess. I don't know what I can do to help her."

" You all ready did it," Caleb says clapping a hand on my shoulder, handing me a glass of water, " You got a lot further with her than either Olivia and I did." Silence fills the room and I lay my head back staring at the ceiling. I waited for this moment, for the moment when Brooke would need me again. I wanted her to need me again, I craved it. And perhaps it was selfish of me, to feel the need to save her, especially when I have a wife and child to think about, but I cant help it. Brooke's inside of me, there's no other way around that. But I didn't want it like this. I would do anything that I could to bring Blake back for her, to take that lost wounded look from her eyes, I would do it.

My phone vibrates in my pocket for the millionth time and I sigh, pulling it from my pocket, Tatiana's name lighting up the screen. I roll my eyes and seriously consider ignoring it, but I suppose there is no use in putting off the inevitable. I get up from the couch and walk into the entranceway answering the phone.

" Hello," I murmur leaning my hip against the table.

" Michael, where in the hell are you? Its eight o'clock in the morning and I wake up to find my husband out of bed, nowhere to be found, no note, no phone call nothing. I just searched the entire estate tearing my hair out scared to death that something happened to you," Tatiana rebukes me her voice cold and firm.

" I know, I'm sorry," I say shoving my hand in my pocket, " I'm uh, I'm at Brooke's." The phone goes silent, and I rub my hand over the back on my neck.

" Well, surprise, surprise. What, did Brooke and Blake have a fight? She need you to come pick up the pieces to her shattered life?" she accuses and my heart plummets into my stomach, as a hot flood of anger courses through my blood.

" No Tatiana, Brooke and Blake didn't have a fight. Blake died Tatiana, he's dead, and Brooke, Brooke is a wreck and let me tell you something, I would think after the very long, and thorough discussion that we had that you would have more faith in our relationship, more faith in me. She didn't call me, Caleb called me, because he was scared for his sister, the girl who used to be one of my best friends," I snap at her hanging up the phone not giving her the time to say a word. I close my eyes and brace myself against the wall fighting the tears that threaten to fall.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I wake slowly clawing my way from the dark nightmare, the breath tearing from my throat as I sit up and blink my eyes looking around. It wasn't a dream. None of it was a dream. Blake is dead, and there is not a damn thing that I can do about it. I slip out of bed, stumbling as I trip over the piles of clothes on the floor landing with a hard thud to the floor. I breathe deeply, trying to will myself to get up, instead I curl myself into a tight ball my hands covering my ears as I try to block out the painful reality.

I don't know how long I've been laying here, watching the ceiling as the sunlight dances across it, reminding myself to breathe. To do something as simple as breathing has become too much for me to handle. Without Blake it just doesn't seem to be worth it. I open my eyes again when I hear raised voices coming from the living room. I roll over willing myself to get to my feet and open the door.

" You both need to just shut up," Olivia says her voice cold and firm and I turn my head seeing that its Michael and Tatiana that she's talking to, her face red as Caleb holds onto her shoulders trying in his silent way to calm her.

" Your right, I'm sorry Olivia," Michael murmurs running his hands over his hair.

" Oh so now your catering to Olivia too? Look I'm sorry, I mean absolutely no disrespect to Olivia, or Brooke, but you're a married man Michael. You should be home with your wife, and your child," Tatiana says crossing slim arms over her chest, " There is nothing that Michael can do for her."

" How do you know that? Do you realize that in the twelve hours that she was home after being there and watching Blake take his last breath she wouldn't speak to us. She locked herself away in that room, alone, and all Caleb and I could do is sit on this side of the door and listen. Michael, he was the one who was actually let in. He talked to her, he got her to sleep, and if his mere presence makes this tragedy just a slight bit easier on her than he is more than welcome here," Liv snaps, her teeth clenched together.

" And I'm sorry for that, I am, but Michael is my husband, and I'm trying so hard to save our marriage, for our daughters sake and that's kind of impossible to do when he is in love with another woman," Tatiana says and I feel an undeniable rage fill me.

" She isn't Michael's daughter though is she Tatiana?" I say quietly, watching as everyone turns to look at me, a mixture of confusion and shock on all of their faces.

" Brooke," Michael says, taking a step towards me but I evade him, crossing my arms over my chest.

" That isn't fair Brooke," Tatiana says, and I fight the urge to throw something at her.

" No what isn't fair is the fact that I walked away from Michael, for you. I did it so you wouldn't be alone, so that your little girl could know what it means to be loved by a father. I kept your secret, and for you to try and guilt Michael out of trying to be there for a friend by using your daughter is not fair. Whatever is going on in your marriage is not my concern at all, but I will be damned if you are going to use a child against him. If Michael is in love with me that's his problem, not mine. I don't want Michael, I don't love Michael, I love," I trail off trying to pull myself together enough to finish saying what I need to say, " I love Blake. And he's gone, and the fact that you would be so inconsiderate and bring your menial and trivial marriage problems into my home just goes to show what a shallow, self centered bitch that you really are. You have Michael, you have Talia, you won Tatiana okay! You won. I have no one. The one person," I choke out as I feel the control I was holding onto slipping away, " The one person who loved me, who was all mine is gone, he's dead, and he isn't coming back! What more could you possibly want? Get out, get out of my apartment, get out of my life. Now!"

I watch as big tears fall down Tatiana's cheek as she backs away from Michael, and out of my apartment. The room grows quiet, and I feel Olivia and Caleb take my hands as Michael stares at me, his eyes swimming with hurt.

" Brooke," Michael whispers and I shake my head at him shoving him back a full step as he tries to wrap me in a hug.

" That goes for you too Michael. I don't want you, I don't need you, I want you gone," I stammer the words choking out of me, " I don't ever want to see you again."


	6. Chapter 6: Darkness Falls

**Author's Note: Here's Chapter Six for all of you :) I hope that you enjoy it. Now to get the legal mumbo jumbo out of the way, the song used in this chapter is Hold You In My Arms by Ray LaMontagne, I do not own the song, no Copyright Infringement intended :) Read on :) As Always Read/Enjoy/Review! **

**P.S A HUGE THANK YOU to MichaelJacksonFan227, jonasjacksonheart14, and Twilight's Abercrombie for all of your wonderful reviews. You guys make me smile :D**

**Chapter 6: Darkness Falls **

_" He who does not weep, does not see."-Les Miserables. _

* * *

The week passed in a blur of emotions all of which I refused to show. Emotions did me no good. I had one good blow up and that was at Tatiana and Michael, both of whom I successfully kicked out of my life. For good. I lift my face to the mirror as I apply my eyeliner, stopping to take a breath when I see the way that my hand shakes.

" You can do this Brooke, you have too. You cant cry," I whisper to myself as I look back into the mirror, " You have to be strong. For Celia. For Blake."

" Brooke," a deep hushed voice calls from the doorway and I turn my head to see Caleb leaning against the door frame, " It's time to go." I nod my head once before turning to look back at the mirror. I'm a ghost of my former self, and it doesn't really matter if I ever feel better because at the end of the day Blake's still gone, and I'm, alone.

* * *

The limousine is quiet, eerily so as we pull through the gates of Forest Lawn, a procession of vehicles behind us. I shouldn't be so surprised that so many people came to pay their last respects, Blake was loved. By many, but none of them loved him the way I did. Do. Will, for the rest of my life. The limo stops, my heart beating roughly inside of my chest as I realize that I cant do this. The careful control I placed over myself and my emotions betrays me as I watch Celia, Caleb, and Olivia climb from the car before me.

" B," Olivia murmurs leaning down so that her face is swimming before my eyes.

" Liv, I cant," I whisper my voice strangled in my throat, " I cant do this. I cant say good bye."

" Brooke?" a questioning voice rings through the air and I lift flooding eyes to see my Mama standing where Olivia was.

" Mama," I choke out, " Oh Mama." I launch myself from the car into her arms, burying my face in her shoulder drawing from her silent strength as she holds me, her hands running over my hair as I sob.

" Shh honey, lets take a walk, get some air," she says cupping a hand under my elbow, " We'll be in, in just a few minutes."

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I straighten my tie in the mirror my hands shaking almost violently. _' I don't want you. I don't need you. I want you gone. I never want to see you again.' _Brooke's tearful words sting as they echo in my head.

" Michael," Tatiana's voice comes from behind me and I lift sober eyes to hers noting that they are swollen and red rimmed, " I'm going with you."

" That isn't a good idea Tatiana," I say, brushing past her to pick up my suit jacket and freeze when she places her hand on my arm.

" Brooke needs us," she says quickly, letting out a deep breath, " She was right, when she said what she said to me. I should have never drug our problems into her home when she is dealing with something that I cant even imagine going through. I want to make things right with her Michael, I have to. She gave up so much for me and for Talia, the least I can do is offer a shoulder to lean on, even if she doesn't realize how much she needs it."

I stare at her in silent shock before inclining my head in understanding and walk from the room. Brooke is going to need everyone, whether she likes it or not, and I have a feeling that she's going to hate it.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

My head lays pillowed on my Mama's shoulder staring out at the immense grounds of Forest Lawn.

" I didn't think you were going to make it Mama," I murmur finally breaking the tense air around us.

" My baby's hurtin' of course I was going to be here," she whispers pressing a kiss to my hair.

" I cant go in there Mama. I know I should, but I just cant. I'm not ready for this. This whole week I handled the arrangements and made the phone calls and after a while I just became numb, but now, now that I'm here and I know that this is the final step before having to say goodbye I cant bring myself to do it. I'm feeling too much, and I'm afraid that its just going to swallow me whole," I sob, " It's my fault Mama. Blake's dead because of me."

" What are you talking about?" she asks taking my face in her hands pulling my sunglasses off so that I'm forced to look in her eyes.

" He wrote in his journal that I saved him Mama, but I didn't," I choke out the guilt thickening my throat as much as the tears, " I couldn't save him Mama."

" Listen to me and listen to me good Brooke Elisabeth, it isn't your fault. You weren't there, you didn't pull the trigger. When Liv called me and told me," she stammers her own emotions swimming to the surface, " And told me that you were supposed to meet Blake that night, my heart all but stopped beating in my chest. If you had been there you could have been shot yourself. I don't know who did this to Blake, but I have faith that the truth will be found out, and when it is justice will be done, but that isn't what today is about. Today is about remembering Blake, the way he would want to be remembered, and I have to tell you sugar, you're the only one in there who will be able to share with all of us the best things about Blake. You have to forgive yourself Brooke because if you don't its going to swallow you right up. Let today be that day Brooke."

" I don't know how to Mama," I say my voice shaky as I wipe the back of my hand over my face, " I'm scared."

" That's why you have a Mama, and Liv and Caleb, and" she says and before she can continue I look up my heart stumbling in my chest.

" Michael," I murmur.

* * *

" Miss. Nichols," Michael says his voice light as he extends a hand to help my mother to her feet, " Celia is looking for, wants to meet the woman who raised Brooke."

" I should get in there then, Brooke, are you coming?" Mama asks looking down at me then back at Michael who stands, one hand in the pocket of his black slacks.

" I'll be there in a minute Mama, I need to collect myself," I say smiling softly when she bends down hugging me, her warm cheek pressed to mine. I stare after her, watching as she walks around the corner before turning swollen eyes to Michael.

" What are you doing here?" I ask getting to my feet ignoring the hand that he holds out to me.

Part of me knows that I shouldn't begrudge Michael. None of this is his fault. But its like Tatiana said, he's a husband and father, he shouldn't be worrying about me. I released him of that obligation when I walked out of that hotel room six months ago.

" I'm here to remember Blake," he answers softly, " And I'm here for you."

" I told you I don't need you Michael," I say brushing past him making my way into the service. I don't need him, I don't. I don't need anyone. I'm better off alone.

* * *

I stand at the podium frozen as I look at the faces that swim before me. I don't know how long I've been standing here trying to find the right words to say. Sure I wrote a speech and it lays before me but suddenly the words don't seem right. I take a steadying breath before crumbling the paper beneath my hand.

" I uh, I had written a speech, prepared myself for this moment the best that I could, but the truth is I'm not prepared," I say clearing the lump that rises in my throat, " How can anyone be prepared to say good bye to someone that they love? Blake was the best thing about me. He was single handedly the best decision I made in my life, but the truth is I didn't choose to love him. By now most of you have heard the whispered murmurs of truth. I was in love with someone else when I met Blake, but, but that wasn't real. Blake, he was real. The love that he had for me, and I for him caught me utterly and completely by surprise. I wasn't ready for it, and I think that's what makes this so hard. We had so many plans. Blake and I. None of that really matters anymore, because he's gone, and as hard and unbelievable as that is, I know that he wouldn't want me, or anyone who loved him to live in the past. He would want us to embrace our future. To live our lives to the fullest, unafraid of what may or may not happen." I knuckle away fresh tears as I try to continue. " For the last week I have been living in a haze, trying to understand why this happened. Why Blake, why now, and why like this, and the truth is that we may never know why. We may never get the answers that we seek, but at the end of the day the questions and the answers don't matter. What matters is that Blake lived, and by living he showed me, he showed me what real love was, what real love is. I will always love Blake, but I will spend the rest of my life living the way he would want me too, with a smile on my face and love in my heart."

I step down from the podium my heart thundering loudly in my ears as I take my seat between Celia and my mother, both of their hands seeking mine as I smile lightly, tears trailing down my face as the room swells with Blake's voice singing the first song he ever recorded, and people start filing past us shaking our hands, hugging us before passing before the coffin where Blake lies.

_When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears_  
_It was easy to see you'd been crying_  
_Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns_  
_But who really profits from the dying_

_I could hold you in my arms_  
_I could hold you forever_  
_I could hold you in my arms_  
_I could hold you forever_

_When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions_  
_My worried mind that you quiet_  
_Place your hands on my face_  
_Close my eyes and say_  
_That love is a poor man's food_  
_Don't prophesize_

_I could hold you in my arms_  
_I could hold you forever_  
_And I could hold you in my arms_  
_I could hold you forever_

_So now we see how it is_  
_This fist begets the spear_  
_Weapons of war_  
_Symptoms of madness_  
_Don't let your eyes refuse to see_  
_Don't let your ears refuse to hear_  
_Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness_

_I could hold you in my arms_  
_I could hold on forever_  
_And I could hold you in my arms_  
_I could hold on forever_

I hunch my shoulders, curling into myself when the song ends, Blake's voice drifting away, he pain overwhelming as I realize that he truly is gone, and he took my heart with him.

* * *

" You guys should really go on home," I say hugging Caleb and Olivia before turning to my Mother and Celia, " I just, I need to be alone tonight."

" Brooke, I don't know if that's a good idea honey," Mama says cupping my face in her hands.

" Mama, I'll be all right," I say letting out a shaky breath, " I need to start somewhere."

" Okay baby, but I will be there first thing in the morning, I'm staying with Celia tonight, if you need anything you just call."

" I will Mama, I love you," I murmur hugging her firmly before watching her along with Caleb, Olivia, and Celia climb into their SUV and drive away. I exhale rubbing a hand nonchalantly over the ache in my chest turning to find Tatiana standing staring at me. I square my shoulders when she steps towards me.

" Brooke, I want to apologize for everything," Tatiana starts saying, her voice uneven, but I just shake my head holding a hand up cutting off what I'm sure was a very well rehearsed speech.

" Save it," I say brushing past her. I slip into the waiting limo, laying my head back to stare at the ceiling of the car. First Michael, then Tatiana, you would think I could get a break, I mean really whoever is working upstairs obviously doesn't get it. I need a break. One moment in life where people are butting in where they shouldn't be. I close my eyes on a sigh turning my head to the side dropping off into a restless sleep.

* * *

I walk slowly and carefully up the stairs leading to my apartment. This has been the longest day of my life and right now all I want is a hot bubble bath, a glass of wine and a solid eight hours of sleep. I rummage through my black clutch bag searching for my apartment key pulling them free. I lift the key to the lock, noticing slowly that the door to my apartment is ajar. My heart slams into my throat as everything inside of me tells me to back away, run, call the police, but curiosity gets the best of me when I push the door open my mouth falling open in shock when I see the disaster that is my apartment. My black high heels crunch over shattered glass and I drop my bag when I see that everything is ruined. Every picture ripped from the walls laying broken in a disheveled mess. I kneel down picking up the remains of a picture, the picture of Blake and I at the beach reading the words left in messy red paint.

' _His blood's on your hands.' _I drop the photo on a strangled scream looking up when I hear the crunching of broken glass signaling that I'm not alone.

" Hello Brooke," a cool voice calls to me and before I have the time to run, to fight, to react, darkness falls.


	7. Chapter 7: What Matters

**Author's Note: Here it is chapter seven! I must say I'm rather happy to ride this wave of creativity, though I'm knocking on wood *knock, knock* because it seems whenever I start riding a pretty stellar wave of creativity it comes crashing down haha so lets pray that, that doesn't happen. Anyways enough of my mumbling, onto chapter seven! Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 7: What Matters**

_" I'll lean on you, and you'll lean on me, and we'll be okay."-Dave Matthews Band._

* * *

I claw my way through the darkness opening my eyes slowly, my vision swimming and swaying when I try to sit up. I wince as I get to my knee's, rocking unsteadily when I realize that I can barely see. I lift my hands to my face hissing a breath through clenched teeth my fingers brush over swollen skin. What the hell happened? I close my eyes trying to remember but come up blank. The last thing I remember is walking through the door, after that there's nothing.

I stumble my way to the bathroom on weak legs as I feel along the wall of the bathroom trying to find the light switch. I snap my eyes shut when the light pierces the darkness my head throbbing by the sudden brightness, I steady myself against the counter my head bent down as I fight the unsettling urge to vomit. I feel the cold sweat bathe my skin as I look up recoiling when I don't recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror.

Her dark hair is matted against her forehead and face by an odd mixture of sweat and blood, her eyes nearly swollen shut, dark bruises marring her skin in a cheerful mixture of blue and black. I watch her as she lifts a hand pressing it to her lips, lips dry with blood. I choke out a sob when I realize that the girl in the mirror is me. I step away from the counter, my back bumping against the cold wall sending a painful shockwave through my body as I slide to the floor gasping for air.

I will myself to get up, stripping my torn dress from my body until I stand fully naked staring at my alien body in the mirror. The bruises dance happily from my face to shoulders, stomach, thighs. I turn slowly casting a look over my shoulder noting the gold ball sized bruises that mar the words of my tattoo. I feel myself starting to shake and I know that shock is starting to settle in. I walk numbly to the shower turning it on as hot as it will go stepping through the fog as I try to wash away the evidence.

I wince when the hot spray stings against my broken skin, shuddering as the shakes set in. I close my eyes, memories flashinng before my eyes like a movie in fastforward.

_The funeral. Blake. Saying Goodbye. Caleb, Liv, Celia, Mama. Walking up the stairs, door open. Glass shattered on the floor, crunching beneath my feet. _

'_ His blood's on your hands.'_

_' Hello Brooke,_' my eyes flash open when the voice screams in my head. I didn't see the face. Just the bottom of a black boot, and then everything goes blank, wiped clean from my memory.

I lift my phone to my ear listening as it rings when a voice murmurs hello in my ear.

" I know that I shouldn't be calling so late," I say into the phone my voice controlled and dull, " I shouldn't be calling you at all, but I need you."

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I watch as the sun rises over the hills painting the early December air a multitude of pinks and purples, my heart so heavy that I don't take a moment to think of the beautiful picture it makes. Instead my heart and mind are on Brooke. Remembering how strong, yet vulnerable she was yesterday, when she spoke in front of a crowd of people remembering the man who held her heart. The man who isn't me. I know I shouldn't take what she said personally. Everyone who was there, hell everyone in the world knew that Brooke and I had been a thing, once, so her talking about the relationship isn't what got to me. What got to me was her saying that what we had wasn't real. I shake my head trying to make the words disappear, wishing there was a way that I could go back and not hear that part. Damned if it wasn't real. It was the realist thing I ever felt in my life. I know that Brooke didn't mean it. She's grieving, heartbroken. I drop my head into my hands bracing my elbows against my knee's when a soft knock on the door has me cursing the fact that I cant seem to find five minutes of peace in my own home.

" Go away," I growl not even bothering to lift my head.

" Michael," Tatiana whispers laying a hand softly on my shoulder, " I have to go. You need to watch Talia."

" Where are you going?" I ask turning to look up at her.

" I cant tell you, and I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'll be back," she says turning to hurry from the room.

" There's someone else isn't there?" I call out and I expect to be met with some sort of heated retort, at the very least an _' How dare you.' _After all I'm the one whose in love with someone who isn't my wife.

" Yes," she says and as that one word resounds in my head painfully I realize I have no one to blame but myself.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I sweep up the last of the broken glass into a dust pan, watching almost mesmerized by the way that the light glitters, but I snap out of my silent revelry walking on steady legs to the trash can emptying the contents into it, listening to the cheerful clinking noises that it makes as it hits bottom. I look around, realizing how empty it all seems. What once used to be a happy home has been forever changed, transformed into a house of nightmares and emptiness. My hand balls into a tight fist on the counter and I jump just slightly when there is a soft knock on the door.

" Its open," I call out, my back turned to the door.

" Brooke?" Tatiana calls out questioningly and for just one moment I think I must have completely lost my mind. Of all of the people in this wide world that I know to call, why did I call her?

I turn slowly watching the way that Tatiana's light eyes widen in shock. She drops her purse noiselessly to the couch before gracefully racing across the room to me. Her hands are soft and light as she skims them over my face and I wince turning my face out of her hold.

" Brooke, what the hell happened?" Tatiana asks clutching her hands together.

" I don't know," I say sitting on a barstool my voice cold as stare straight ahead of me.

" What do you mean you don't know?" she asks positioning herself across from me so that I'm forced to look at her, " Were you in an accident? Have you been to a hospital?"

" I wasn't in an accident," I answer shaking my head slowly, " The last thing I can remember is coming home, the door was open a little and I pushed it open and walked in. After that there's nothing, I cant remember anything else."

" You need to call the police," she urges but I shake my head furiously causing a throbbing pain to course over me from head to toe.

" No cops. I don't want anyone to know," I say firmly and I can tell by the quiet understanding on her face that she understands.

" Was anything taken?" she asks and I shrug my shoulders.

" I don't think so, everything seems to be here," I murmur, looking around. Which is true. Nothing is gone. The television lays firmly mounted the wall, my stereo system in the entertainment center. Nothing is gone, missing. The only things destroyed were personal things. Pictures of Blake, of me, of us. The sweater of his that I sleep with every night lays cut to shreds on my bedroom floor. Those facts tremble inside of me as I begin crying. Everything I had to remind me of the happiness Blake brought to my life lay destroyed.

" Brooke," Tatiana murmurs as she comes around the corner of the counter and I cling to her.

* * *

" Are you sure you want to do this Brooke?" Tatiana asks, and I nod my head staring at myself in the mirror. I watch her standing behind me her eyes sad as she lifts the scissors with shaking hands.

" I trust you Tatiana," I say at length, " So don't mess this up. I wont be going to a salon for a while so I will have to live with what you do for a long time." A soft chuckle escapes her lips and I smile when I close my eyes the sound of the scissors cutting through my dark tumble of hair echoing inside of my head.

" There," she says and I open my eyes the most that I can seeing that she didn't do half bad. Its short. Chin length. And I look completely different than the person that I used to be.

" Wow," I murmur smiling into the mirror jumping slightly when my phone buzzes for the fourteenth time dancing across the counter top.

" Your beautiful," she whispers and I nod my head, " Are you going to answer that?" I shake my head pressing the ignore button just to have the room fill with another buzzing noise and I catch the way that Tatiana glances down at the pocket of her jeans.

" Are you going to answer that?" I ask looking at quirking an eyebrow at her when she nods the head.

" We make one hell of a team don't we?" she asks and I cant help but laugh, just a little.

* * *

The sun just begins setting when Tatiana gets done giving me a quick make-up lesson. Who better to know how to cover up the bruises than her? I shudder at the thought. How sad is that? I sit carefully, my hand cupping the steaming mug of chamomile and honey tea that she insisted I drink. The day had been busy, what with my impromptu make over, the locksmiths coming to change the locks and add a few extra ones.

" You know Brooke, yesterday," Tatiana says, trailing off as she settles in the chair across from me, pulling me from my thoughts, " You didn't give me the chance to say my peace and seeing how now seems like the perfect time I hope you'll let me say what I need to say." I incline my head to her, after all listening to what she has to say is the least that I can do after all she's done for me.

" You were right that day that you went off on me, and on Michael," she says her voice hitching slightly, " Though it was bitter pill to swallow, and I might add I didn't like the way you just threw my secret out there. But I understand why you did it. I had no right to use Talia against Michael that way, to allude that he was ignoring his daughter, my daughter, to come to your rescue. Michael is an amazing father, sometimes when he looks at her I swear its like he's looking at the sun, the way his face and eyes just light up, and I had no right at all to bring my problems with Michael into your home when your life was falling apart all around you. The truth is Brooke that I knew when I married Michael that I was marrying someone whose heart was with someone else, and I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't, I cant."

" Tatiana, I," I trail off setting my mug on the coffee table resting my elbows on my knees, " I am sorry for that. I am, but I don't control what Michael feels, or what he wants. I thought I loved Michael I did. And I don't know what he's told you about me, my past. But Michael came along at a time when my world was completely upside down and inside out, and I clung to him because I was losing my best friend, and he was there. Maybe I used him, and maybe he used me, and for a while that worked, but when you came into the picture everything changed and maybe that was your fault, or mine or his, none of that matters. What matters is now your married to him. He is your husband, and he is the father, the only father that beautiful Talia has ever known, and if I can be so blunt, but he needs to grow the hell up and realize that he made a commitment to you, to Talia." I watch as she comes to sit next to her eyes swimming as she takes my hand.

" You're an amazing woman Brooke," she murmurs brushing a tear away from her cheek with her free hand, " Here I was hoping to apologize to you, to make you feel better and instead you made me feel better."

" Yeah well its what friends do," I say shocking even myself as her own stunned eyes fall on me.

" Yeah?" she asks and I nod my head hugging her lightly.

* * *

I lock the door tightly behind Tatiana listening to the way the cold metal slides against metal. Its dark now, well past dark heading straight away to morning and I'm left to face the nightmares in the dark by myself. I wrap my arms tightly around myself as I look at the emptiness. I know eventually that I'm going to have to tell Olivia, and Caleb, and Mama. Her dissapointed voice lingers in my head as I remember the way she sounded when I told her that I just wasn't up for company today. Maybe tomorrow. I slide against the door as I realize that I have no idea how I'm going to explain my current state without inciting panic amongst the people who love me the most. I drop my head into my hands praying for peace. Praying for strength.


	8. Chapter 8: Not Safe

**Author's Note: Hey everyone :) I'm back with a new chapter, I hope you all like it. First things first, The song used in this chapter is There You'll Be by Faith Hill, no Copyright Infringement intended :) Okay we good, all right moving on. I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone for their comments. Okay so I have a huge favor to ask, I need song ideas. And dont you worry Twilight's Abercrombie, I listened to the song you suggested in your review and I will definitely be using it, its perfect :) But I need a song, like a duet for Michael and Brooke to sing, and I cant give too much away about it other than it shouldn't be a sappy love song haha, that will have to wait for later. But seriously I am open to any and all reccomendations. Even if its just a song that you think fits Brooke, or where the story is at, at that moment, or even a song that you like that you think would fit Michael, and I will use it in a chapter I promise. So keep an eye out Twilight's Abercrombie because I will be using your song soon :D Love you guys, as always Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 8: Not Safe**

" _It isn't about how far you run, or where you go, sometimes your nightmares follow you. Its how you vanquish those nightmares and those fears, that really matters."-Anonymous _

* * *

**Two Week's Later**

I wake slowly my heart thundering in my chest as the last of the nightmare rolls off of me. Its been two weeks and though the nightmares have become less and less, they are there all the same. I roll over groaning when I see that Olivia is asleep next to me. Again. You would think that I would be the one crawling into other people's beds, but instead it's the other way around. Ever since I told Olivia, Caleb, and my mom about the attack, one of them is with me at all times. Its rather suffocating to be honest.

I make my way from my bedroom, shuffling down the stairs. Its been a week since I moved into my new house, the house that was supposed to be me and Blake's. I rub my hand over my heart nonchalantly as I take a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I thought that by moving the memories of what was taken from me would somehow lessen. But I was wrong. It hasn't lessened, instead it was replaced by what should have been. Every time I walk by the guest room that Blake had transformed into a recording studio I think of the plans that we had, and when I look outside and see the sparkling blue water of the pool I think of when we closed the deal on the house wrote the checks and were given the keys and Blake pulled me in the pool. And we swam, laughed, and held each other, floating, sharing our hopes and dreams.

" Brooke?" Olivia calls from the doorway of the kitchen and I turn blurry eyes to her, my chest heaving as I try to swallow.

" We swam in that pool Liv, floating together talking about our dreams," I say leaning heavily against the counter top.

" Oh Brooke," she murmurs rubbing my back as I cry into my hands. I shouldn't be crying, that's what I keep telling myself. That I shouldn't be crying, it's a waist of time and emotion. But I cant help it. Whenever I think of what should have been, it breaks my heart. When I think about what was taken from me it pisses me off. I have discovered that life just isn't fair.

" I don't know what to do with myself Liv," I say straightening myself out trying my best to compose myself.

" You need to sing again Brooke," she says and I shake my head lightly turning to look back through the window.

" I don't know if I can do that Liv," I say, " I just don't have it in me anymore. The music just isn't there anymore."

" I seem to remember a time when you said you didn't know if you had it in you, another time when you were the broken hearted girl," she whispers hugging me from behind as my body wracks with silent tears, " And someone special, and important told you that you're an artist Brooke, and you have the gift inside of you to use what hurts you and turn it into something beautiful. You can do it Brooke, you just have to believe that you can."

* * *

**Michael's POV**

Fourteen days have come and gone, and in those days so much has changed. My time has been split between the studio and Talia, and every waking second has been spent most importantly on avoiding any kind of contact or passing word with Tatiana. After she confessed, confessed that there was in fact someone else everything fell apart. Not that it was together before then. Maybe its hypocritical of me, to feel the deep stab of betrayal, after all I was the one who was in love with someone else. I shake my head as I pull myself from the dark mood and will myself to go to the studio. In the studio nothing hurts as much.

My fingers work busily over the sound board, adjusting the volume of instruments, my voice, and with a frustrated sigh I push away from the board the chair scraping against the wooden floor.

" Michael," Tatiana's voice floats through the room and a hot ball of ice settles in my stomach as my shoulders tighten.

" I'm working," I snap out staring down at my hands.

" No your avoiding me. You've been avoiding me for the last two weeks," she says her voice calm, " You didn't even say anything when I moved into the guest house."

" Your choice. Besides I would hate to come home one day and find you and the other guy in my bed," I hiss out pressing my fingers to my eyes trying to work away the sudden fatigue that washes over me.

" You have a lot of nerve Michael," she snaps and I raise my head to look at her, " To assume that there is someone else."

" I didn't assume there was someone else Tatiana. If you remember clearly I asked you if there was someone else, and you said yes," I say getting to my feet.

" Your right. There was someone else. That day. Someone who needed me, who needed a friend," she says slowly, " You assumed that it was a man when it wasn't. Which might I say, I find rather hilarious seeing as how you're the one who has been emotionally unfaithful from the start."

" So there isn't another man?" I ask looking at her trying to decide for myself if she is lying.

" No there isn't another man Michael. I left that day because Brooke called me. Brooke needed me," she murmurs and my heart plummets into my stomach.

" Why would Brooke call you?" I demand, and she shuffles her feet nervously.

" I don't know, I don't know why she called me Michael, but she did," she says her hands fiddling with the necklace around her neck.

" What happened?" I ask sitting heavily on the couch.

" Michael," she says sitting next to me, " I shouldn't tell you this, but the truth is you will find out eventually. Brooke was attacked the night of Blake's funeral."

" What do you mean attacked?" I ask shooting to my feet as panic skitters up and down my spine, " Is she okay?"

" Michael she's fine," she says taking my hand to tug me back onto the couch, " I don't know exactly what happened, she doesn't remember clearly, but whoever did it wrecked the apartment, wrecked her."

" My God," I whisper shaking my head trying to still my shaking hands.

" That's where I've been Michael, with Brooke almost every single day. I helped her move," she confesses and I nod my head laying back against the couch.

" She moved?" I ask feeling completely disconnected from my body as all of this sudden information whirls angrily inside of my head.

" Yeah, I figured Caleb would have told you, what with you being his best man and all," she trails off when I blush deeply, " Oh. My. God. She doesn't know. You guys haven't told Brooke that your Caleb's best man have you?"

" Caleb said he was going to do it since, well Brooke and I aren't exactly on speaking terms," I say sheepishly, knowing that the truth is Caleb was hoping to keep it a secret until the rehearsal dinner when it will be too late for her to resist or refuse to show up because I was there.

" Wow, that's stupid," she says her voice light with humor, " That isn't the point. The point is Michael that I haven't been with another man. I'm sorry if you believed that I was." Silence settles over the room as I close my eyes against the thought of Brooke bruised and battered.

" Michael, what are we doing here?" she asks after a while, " Look at us. I'm living in the guest house, we hardly speak. I think. I think its time that we just end this."

" Tatiana," I say but she shakes her head sadly looking at me with tear filled eyes.

" Michael, I understand. I didn't at first, believe me I didn't, but you know I talked to Brooke and I get it," she says and I shudder from the pain in her voice, " She told me she doesn't love you Michael, but I believe that as much as I believe the moon is made out of cheese. That girl loves you Michael, but she's hurting, and you have a big part in that, as does she, and so do I. She's going to need time, and your going to have to be patient, though I know how much you hate that. As for us. What the hell we're we thinking, getting married?"

" Tatiana, I'm so sorry, I never, ever meant to hurt you," I say taking her hand in mine my eyes swimming as she gives a shaky smile.

" I know you didn't Michael. If I didn't, I would have left a long time ago," she says hugging me close, " But I will never regret what we did, even if it wasn't the smartest thing in the world. I will never regret it because you have been the best father to Talia and that's all that matters."

I stand on the porch one hand in the air as I wave at the car carrying Tatiana and Talia, my heart aching inside of my chest. I know that Tatiana is right in leaving. This marriage would never have worked. And I only have myself to blame for that, because my heart will always belong to someone else. To Brooke.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

My hand lays against the doorknob as I try to bring myself to walk through the door. Liv was right. She almost always is, which is infuriating. I have to use this. Use these emotions and this heart ache to make something beautiful, if I can. It's the least that I can do, for Blake. I open my eyes as I push open the door. The memories flood over me as I look at the spacious room, the sound booth, the baby grand piano that's never been touched, the glossy keys begging to be played. My heart shudders inside of me as I press my back to the wall, tears clouding my eyes.

" Brooke?" Caleb's voice echoes off the wall and I turn my eyes to look at him, " Are you sure you want to do this?"

" Yes," I murmur nodding my head once as I take a seat at the piano. I spread the sheets of paper in my hand in front of me, taking a deep breath as I stare at the words, my fingers instinctively working with the melody inside of my head, my heart.

_'When I think back on these times_

_And the dreams we left behind_

_I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get _

_To have you in my life_

_When I look back on these days _

_I'll look and see your face _

_You we're right there for me_

_In my dreams I'll always see you soar_

_Above the sky, in my heart _

_There will always be a place _

_For you for all my life_

_I'll keep a part of you with me _

_And everywhere I am _

_There you'll be _

_And everywhere I am_

_There you'll be_

_Well you showed me how it feels _

_To feel the sky within my reach_

_And I always _

_Will remember all _

_The strength you gave to me_

_Your love made me make it through _

_Oh, I owe so much to you_

_You we're right there for me_

_In my dreams I'll always see you soar _

_Above the sky, in my heart_

_There will always be a place for you_

_For all my life _

_I'll keep a part of you with me _

_And everywhere I am_

_There you'll be_

_And everywhere I am _

_There you'll be _

_'Cause I always saw in you _

_My light, my strength _

_And I want to thank you _

_Now for all the ways _

_You were right there for me_

_You were right there for me _

_For Always_

_In my dreams I'll always see you soar_

_Above the sky, in my heart_

_There will always be a place for you_

_For all my life _

_I'll keep a part of you with me _

_And everywhere I am_

_There you'll be_

_And everywhere I am_

_There you'll be_

_There you'll be.'_

* * *

The music echoes off the walls as the last few words barely escape my lips, my tears thickening my voice to a harsh and deep whisper. I bow my head staring at the back of my hands on the keys of the piano, my heart thudding weakly inside of me , and I barely move when Caleb sits next to me on the bench his hand on my back.

" Brooke," he murmurs and I shake my head burying my head in his shoulder letting myself for the first time since I watched Blake being lowered into the ground, weep out my shattered heart.

" I don't have to leave Brooke, I can stay, or you know Liv can come stay the night," Caleb says and I shake my head smiling weakly at him.

" Caleb stop, I'll be fine okay?" I say opening the front door for him.

" Are you sure?" he asks and I nod my head hugging him lightly before playfully pushing him out of the door.

" Pushy, pushy," he jokes waving at me one last time as he makes his way down my drive way. I smile as I lean against the doorway crossing my arms lightly across my chest shivering at the slight nip of cold in the air. I turn to go back inside when I notice the large beige envelope propped against the door. I lean down with shaking hands to pick it up.

I shut the door jumping slightly when the noise reverberates through the house. I tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear as I turn the envelope over and over in my hands only to find that there is no return address. I open it slowly as I walk down the hall, pulling two sheets of paper from it. I stare back at my sixteen year old self, smiling wildly while the words ' Have You Seen Me' head the top of the page and with a sick feeling in my stomach I look at the other paper.

' _If you would have just stayed gone Brooke, Blake would still be here. His blood still stains your hands. Can you live with that?'_

I drop the papers letting them flutter noiselessly to the floor as I look around panic throbbing through my veins as I realize that even now, I'm not safe.


	9. Chapter 9: Of All The People In The Worl

**Author's Note: Here's Chapter nine, hope you all enjoy. Chapter ten is coming up right after this one :D Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 9: Of All The People In The World**

_" You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today."-Abraham Lincoln._

_

* * *

_

A month has melted by, bringing with it a new year and sending Olivia's wedding planning to a fever pitch. Unbeknownst to my best friend and soon to be sister in law I'm dealing with my own demons. I run my fingers over the papers spread out over my desk, the taunting notes staring back at me.

_' Do you know who I am yet Brooke?' _

_' Blake never loved you Brooke.' _

_' He died because of you.' _

_' I'm watching you Brooke, all of the time, I'm there. And soon, I'll come to finish what I started.' _

I jump slightly when Olivia's voice breaks through the room and I quickly gather the papers stuffing them back into the folder, closing the filing cabinet with a quick click.

" There you are, we have to go we're all ready late," Olivia says her eyes distracted as she types feverishly on her Blackberry.

" Late for what?" I ask stepping away from the desk grabbing my purse.

" Our hair appointment. I told you about it yesterday," she murmurs not looking up from the phone, " We have the hair appointment at eleven, and then the rehearsal dinner is at six, and I know you didn't forget about that because well, the dinner is here." She looks up at me her blue eyes shining at me and I smile.

" Of course I didn't forget the rehearsal dinner, I only have perfect strangers walking around my house setting up for this shindig," I say snatching her phone out of her hands her eyes widening in shock.

" Brooke, give me my phone back," she says crossing her arms over her chest.

" Absolutely not," I say slipping it into my purse, " You need to relax okay? Tomorrow is the big day, and every time I look at you, your either taking a phone call, or your emailing someone, you need to just relax. You've done your part, now its time to trust the amazing wedding planner you hired to finish it. Not to mention between your Mama, and my Mama, nothings going to go wrong."

" Are you sure?" she asks as I link my arm through hers and lead her through the house, " I'm so nervous Brooke. What if something goes wrong?"

" Then it goes wrong," I say opening the door to the car for taking her by the shoulders when she gives a weak groan, " Liv, nothing is going to go wrong. Tomorrow is going to be the greatest day of your life. And today, all you have to do is just breathe okay?"

" Your right, of course your right," she says smiling at me. I nod my head closing the door before I walk around the front of the car. I will do everything in my power to make sure my best friend has the best day tomorrow, that nothing will ruin. Not if I have anything to say about it.

* * *

I stare in the mirror taking in my new appearance. My brown hair is darker, shinier, and longer thanks to the magical hands of the stylists at Frederic Fekkai's Hair Salon. I wasn't too thrilled when Olivia begged for me to have extensions added to my hair, but when she explained the look she wanted, for her wedding, I understood, and complied. After all they can be removed. A point Liv assured me of. I turn from side to side smoothing the soft pink material of my dress happy with the way that it feels and looks. I must admit for someone who is so messed up on the inside, I sure now how to cover the outside.

Tomorrow my best friend marries my brother and while the happy event should be first and foremost on my mind I cant stop the panic that threatens to skitter up my spine. Panic induced by being surrounded by so many people. And though I know the bruises have faded thanks to time, it doesn't stop the fear that somehow people will still somehow know what happened. That I will be known as that girl, for the second time in my short twenty one, almost twenty two years of life.

What I live in fear of the most though, is its gone. The one thing in the world that held my deepest, darkest secret is gone. So the night that I was attacked in my own apartment not only was every tie and anchor to Blake stolen from me, but so was my past. I clutch onto my dresser as I grasp to rein in what little control I have.

" Well, well, would you look at you?" a soft southern drawl comes from behind me and I let out a shriek of surprise whirling around, coming face to face with the stranger.

" Veronica?" I question the smile plastering to my face as I run to her outstretched arms hugging her tightly.

" Who else would it be?" Veronica asks holding me at arms length her crystal blue eyes scanning over my face, " My baby's getting married tomorrow, and her best friend, my other baby has grown into such a beautiful woman. Let me have a look at you." She circles a manicured finger and I oblige her by twirling slowly only to have her cluck her tongue at me. " Does your Mama know about your tattoo?"

" Yes m'am," I answer blushing slightly when I remember the hell my Mama raised when she saw it.

" Well, then I guess I can save you a second lecture," she says her vibrant eyes suddenly growing sober, " You know, Paul and I, we were real sorry to here about Blake. Liv told me how much he meant to you." I sigh slightly, my eyes welling up as I try fervently to blink the tears away, " How are you holding up?"

" As well as can be expected," I answer hollowly, " I take it one day at a time."

" You know Brooke, I'm going to have to give my little girl one hell of a pep talk tomorrow, but I want to give you one right now. Sit with me," she says pulling me lightly behind her, and we settle down next to each other on my bed. " You've been through a lot in your young life Brooke, too much. And I just want you to know how proud of you I am, and to tell you that my daughter couldn't have chosen anyone better for a best friend. I know that you have your Mama, but don't you ever forget that both Paul and I are here for you too."

" I know, thank you," I say my tears constricting my throat as she hugs me close. Sometimes its nice to hear that your not completely alone.

* * *

I stand shivering in the cold air of the night, trying to stop my teeth from chattering. Why Olivia insisted on an outdoor wedding ceremony in February is beyond me. She swears its because that's when the air is the cleanest, and that very well may be, though I doubt it, it doesn't change the fact one bit that its freezing. I look around the area that by tomorrow will be completely transformed, and smile despite the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm going to freeze to death. Tomorrow is going to be perfect.

" Okay people, the sooner we get this over with the sooner we get to go to the rehearsal dinner," Caleb calls out, standing on top of a chair to get everyone's attention.

" Thank God," I mutter moving towards Olivia who stands with Caleb's coat hanging around her shoulders.

" Wait we cant start yet, the best man isn't here," Liv chatters, her lips tinted blue from the cold.

" Best man? Caleb found a new best man?" I ask as the hot ball of confusion somehow sinks in through the cold as I search the small group for an unfamilair face.

" Yeah, Brooke," Liv turns towards me her hands taking mine, " I would have told you sooner, but." Her voice trails off as a sudden hush falls over the small crowd that is the wedding party. I turn my head to see what has everyone so captivated, and that's when I see him. Michael.


	10. Chapter 10: Endless Night

**Author's Note: As promised, Chapter Ten, signed, sealed, delivered right after Chapter Nine :D I hope that you all enjoy it because I worked hard on it (doesnt help that the first draft I had written I completely scrapped and started over lol) Please, I look forward to your feedback, so dont be afraid to give it to me. I can take it. Love you all! As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

_**Chapter 10: Endless Night**_

"Someone once told me that wishes really do come true. If that's a fact then I'll keep on wishing for you."-Anonymous.

* * *

I blink slowly, the shock giving way to pain, pain to a slow but powerfully burning anger inside of me. Of all of the people in this whole wide world Caleb chose Michael.

" Liv. Liv please tell me that this is some sort of sick joke that you and my brother cooked up," I say turning to look at her. The look on her face says it all though. This is no joke.

" Brooke, I'm sorry. But other than Blake, Michael is the only other person that Caleb would even consider," Liv says her voice low as I hand her, her practice bouquet, " Brooke, please, don't be angry."

" I'm not angry Liv, just," I shrug my shoulders before trying to fix a smile to my lips, " I'm just trying to get over everything that's happened lately, and throwing Michael into this whole crazy mess is just going to, complicate things."

" Brooke, everything bad that happened between you and Michael aside, you have to remember that he used to be one of your best friends," she says her eyes shining at me.

" _'Used too,'_ being the operative words Liv," I say my body tensing as Caleb and Michael draw closer to us.

" Brooke, please," she pleads, and I roll my eyes at her showing that I'll behave. For now.

* * *

The rehearsal goes by quickly, mainly because of the cold finally forcing all of us to sudder defeat and find refuge in our cars. I had planned to spend the seven minute drive from the Montage to my house thinking, processing the feelings and the shock that still numbs my mind at the fact that tomorrow while I watch two of the most important people in my life promise to love each other for the rest of their lives, Michael will be there.

" Brooke, Brooke talk to me," Caleb urges from the backseat of my SUV.

" Caleb there's nothing to talk about," I say tightening my hand on the steering wheel, " It's your wedding, your choice."

" I wouldn't have asked him Brooke, it was supposed to be Blake," he says his voice sad and I look at him through the rearview window.

" I know Caleb," I say pulling into my driveway. Silence settles over us before Olivia clears her throat.

" I'm going to give you guys a few minutes alone, but don't take too long," Olivia murmurs brushing a hand over my shoulder before pushing out of the car. I watch her as she jogs up the steps leading to the front door.

" Brooke, I never wanted this to hurt you, if its too much, or too awkward I will ask Michael not to come, I don't need a best man," Caleb says as he climbs into the front seat turning his body towards me so that we're eye to eye. I stare at him, his brown hair falling into eyes that are shining with guilt.

* * *

Its quiet for a long time as I try to find the right words to say at this moment. But what words could I say? How could I honestly look my brother in the eye and tell him that his choice of best man has me completely devastated and on the verge of a total emotional break down? I cant do that, I wont. Instead I decide that its time I tell someone the truth. Maybe by finally admitting what I've been trying so hard to hide the weight on my shoulders will lift and I can actually feel like I can breathe again.

" I lied," I say at length noticing the way Caleb's hand tenses on mine, " I lied when I said those things to Michael, when I said those things at the funeral, about the love I had before Blake not being real. I lied."

" What do you mean you lied?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders scared to say it out loud. Because admitting the feelings out loud makes them all too real, and I dont know how much _'real'_ I can honestly handle at the moment.

" Blake and I, we were grasping at straws right before he died. Our relationship was falling apart in front of our eyes," I say quickly knuckling away the first tear that rolls down my cheek.

" But you seemed so happy," he says his voice an odd mixture of disbelief and sadness, " Blake seemed so happy. All he would ever talk about was you."

" Yeah we seemed happy but we really weren't. I should have noticed the signs you know? In the beginning we were inseparable, and even if we were apart we would still call each other, or text, but after a while I could be gone hours at a time, or even all day and we just didn't call each other. Its like neither of us even cared anymore. Then he started staying out later and later, and looking back on it now I realize I shouldn't have been so stupid. I should have realized but I didn't. The truth is as much as I love Blake, and I love him a lot, I was never fully in love with him. There was always someone else," I say wiping my hands over my face trying to dry the tears.

" There was always Michael," he murmurs at length and I nod my head sadly, " If that's the case Brooke, why did you say those things? You broke Michael's heart."

" I said them for Tatiana. She deserved better than what Michael gave her Caleb, and you know it," I say pulling a tissue from my purse, " I wanted him to be better. Because I kept telling myself that if he was at least giving Tatiana his best, then giving him up and trying to forget him would make the pain worth it, and instead I'm left with a dead boyfriend, a crazy psycho stalker, and all of these crazy, mixed up feelings inside of me over someone that I have no business loving." I throw my hands in the air out of frustration.

" Back up what do you mean crazy, psycho stalker?" he asks his voice growing dangerously low and I wince realizing that once again my emotions have got the best of me and in an attempt to articulate how I feel I have managed to blurt out the one thing I didn't want to blurt out.

" Nothing, its nothing," I say pushing from the car trying to make my way quickly into the house, but as expected Caleb catches my elbow in his hand whirling me around to look at him.

" What are you talking about Brooke?" he asks and I squint my eyes when the sudden flash of headlights wash over us.

" Look I will tell you everything, just not yet okay? I want you to concentrate on your rehearsal dinner, and your wedding tomorrow okay?" I plead with him as footsteps draw closer to us.

" Brooke," he says his voice dangerously close to angry.

" Caleb, please," I beg tightening my hold on his arm my heart hammering in my chest as Michael comes into view.

" Everything all right?" Michael asks his voice smooth as his eyes search my face and under his contemplative gaze I know that he knows. Knows that I've been crying. Knows that something isn't right.

" Yeah, everything is fine, just having a, family moment," Caleb says covering nicely for the heated argument I'm sure we were about to have.

" I see, I'm sorry I interrupted," Michael says smiling weakly as I open the door to the house praying for the strength to get through this dinner and tomorrow.

* * *

I stand in front of Olivia, my eyes swimming as she fusses with her wedding gown, and I'm captivated by her beauty. The lights in the room bounce off the crystal beads on her bodice and dance as she turns from side to side.

" Liv, your beautiful," I say taking her hand in mine and I watch her blue eyes swim and curse the fact that since we started getting ready almost four hours ago the tears have seemed to be constant.

" Don't, don't, your going to make me cry and I just got my make up fixed from the talk my Mama gave me," Olivia says sniffling as I hand her another tissue.

" Well, I'm going to make this quick then that way neither of us have the time to cry, and besides you'll be walking down the aisle in ten minutes," I say pulling her away from the group of people in the Bridal suite. I take her hands in mine before cupping her face, " You're my best friend, and now your going to be my sister. And I just want to tell you that I will never, ever be able to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me. I love you, and I will always, always have your back. Caleb may be blood, but you, you're a sister of my heart." I hug her fiercely letting a few tears fall down my cheeks before pulling away from her, " Now, lets go get you married." We walk from the bridal suite our laughter echoing down the hall, but it doesn't mask the undeniable pain I feel inside of me. After today everything is going to be different.

I press my hand to my stomach trying to will the butterflies away as I stand next to Michael, my eyes staring at the beautiful picture Olivia dreamed up and an army of wedding coordinators made a reality. Dozens upon dozens of white roses decorate the aisle, soft petals scattered on the ground leading to the gazebo. Thousands of twinkle lights light up the sky chasing away the cold darkness that surrounds the awaiting guests, and to serve as the most gorgeous of backdrops white rose petals that were painstakingly threaded on silver string serve as curtain to where Caleb and Olivia will stand and confess their undying love to one another.

" Brooke," Michael whispers and I snap out of my daydream and look up at him, a soft smile on his lips, " Its time." He holds his hand out to mine and I take it hesitantly as the doors swing open in front of us, the sound of violins dancing on the air as we walk down the aisle side by side.

" You look beautiful," he murmurs and I falter only slightly when he brushes a tender kiss to my cheek as we part ways at the end of the aisle.

I try to settle my racing heart and concentrate on the fact that my best friend is walking down the aisle, but I'm urged to cast one final look at Michael, who's eyes are strangely enough, on me.

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful and short, and I smile as I exchange hugs and small talk with fellow guests waiting for Caleb and Olivia to be announced so that the reception can be underway. I manage to pull myself away from the small group that has gathered around me and I gladly accept the glass of champagne that a waiter offers me. I walk slowly through the Contessa Ball room, my fingers itching to reach out and touch every flower petal that I pass by. I bump firmly into someone and stutter an apology as I grab onto the stranger.

" Its okay," Michael soft voice says and I immediately drop my hand as I look up, his brown eyes dancing under the chandeliers. I debate with myself, stay and try to stumble my way through an awkward conversation or turn and walk away, but before I can make the decision for myself, Michael cups my elbow in his hand pulling me further into the dark corner he's in.

We stare at each other for a long moment, and before I can even attempt to say anything Michael starts talking first.

" I've missed you," he says his hand coming up to touch my face and I pull away slightly turning my head so that I'm just out of his reach.

" Michael you cant do this," I say my heart hammering in my chest, " You cant just come back into my life and pretend that somehow nothings changed."

" What's changed Brooke? Your still you, and I'm still me," he says his hands cupping the back of my neck as he rests his forehead against mine.

" Everything Michael," I whisper the tears threatening to spill over, " Everything has changed. I'm sorry." I squeeze his wrists lightly before maneuvering myself out of his hold and I turn to leave when he speaks up.

" Its only changed if you let it be Brooke. I love you, I have loved you all along," he says his voice shaking as his words fall over me working their way as much as I try to defend myself against them, " And I'll wait for you Brooke, if it takes a lifetime, or a million lifetimes. I'll wait for you."

* * *

I shake slightly as I stand on stage staring out at an ocean of faces, and take a deep breath before fixing a bright smile on my face.

" First and foremost I want to say thank you all for being here on my brother, and best friends special day. I uh, I've had this speech prepared for most of my life," I say holding up the index cards for everyone to see, " Olivia has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and I recall wishing for most of that time that she was my sister. So I owe a huge thank you to my brother Caleb for making this girls wish come true." Laughter bubbles across the room and I smile as I try to stifle the rising emotions inside of me, " As much as I would love to read what I have written I cant. I cant because I realize now how much this speech doesn't matter anymore or even fit the love that she has with my brother. I was lucky enough to watch Olivia and Caleb fall in love, and I have to say that it has been single handedly the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I'm going to try to keep this short, so I'm simply going to say this to the bride and groom. Love each other until you feel like you cant love anymore, and when you get that feeling love just a little bit more. Never take each other for granted, and remember that everyday together is a miracle, and treat it as such. I love you both more than you can ever know, and I expect a niece or nephew to spoil before too long."

I hug Caleb and Brooke closely before taking my seat, dabbing my eyes with a napkin and watch with a shaking heart as Michael takes his place behind he microphone. A hush falls over the room and I know that it mostly has to do with the fact that ninety percent of everyone in the room is star struck.

" It's a great honor for me to be standing here today as Caleb's best man, simply because there was one other before me who should have been here, giving this speech. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen tragedy you guys get me instead. Growing up in Hollywood and the music industry I didn't get much of a chance to make true and genuine friends, but I can say with all honestly that, that is exactly what Caleb and Olivia are. They are two of the truest and most genuine people that I know, and I am beyond blessed to be able to say that. Love is a funny thing, and quiet easily the most infuriating emotion that a human being can feel, and yet as crazy as it may drive us all, it is the most important thing in this world, and seeing two people so in love gives me hope. Hope that there is still good in this world, hope that love is meant for everyone. Congratulations Caleb and Olivia, and when I say this know that it comes from the bottom of my heart, I wish you both a lifetimes worth of happiness together," Michael says and I watch as he searches the room, his eyes coming to rest on my own, and despite myself, my heart races.

* * *

" Ladies and Gentlemen, its time for the bride and grooms first dance," a voice announces across the ball room and I smile as I draw closer to the dance floor, and I watch with the breath catching in my throat as Olivia floats into Caleb's arms and the music begins, filling the room. I sway along to the words a small smile on my lips as I watch Olivia's mom and dad join in the dance, and soon people are pairing off, joining in the beautiful moment.

" Dance with me," Michael murmurs in my ear and I turn my head slightly so that I can see his face, dark curls falling into his eyes as he smiles hopefully at me. I take his outstretched hand and let him lead me to the floor, one hand brushing against the naked skin of my back, heat burning where his fingers just brushed. I keep my eyes down trying not to let the warring emotions inside of me overwhelm me. " Brooke, can you just tell me something?"

" Yes," I whisper lifting my eyes to his when he brushes his hand over my neck.

" Do you ever think about me? Because I think about you all of the time. I remember all of it. All of the good times, and the bad, and maybe that's why I just cant let you go. Because I remember too much," he says and I stare up at him as the tears begin spilling over.

" I think about you all the time," I answer honestly, " And I remember everything too."

" Cant we just go back Brooke, go back to when we were best friends, can we just start over?" he asks and I pillow my head against his chest allowing myself at least this one moment of comfort in his arms.

" Maybe," I whisper, " At least for tonight."

" Then I wish," he murmurs as he rests his head on top of mine and I listen for him to finish his sentence but he says nothing, instead all I hear is the beating of his heart.

" Then you wish for what?" I ask pulling away to stare up at him.

" For an endless night," he says his eyes swimming as he pulls me back into him, my heart longing as I wish for the same thing.


	11. Chapter 11: Gunpowder And Lead

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thank you for all the continual support. Its amazing. I smile everytime that I see a new review :D Anways, here is Chapter 11...sorry its kind of a cliff hanger (dont hate me) A new chapter will be up very soon I promise. As always, Read/ Enjoy/ Review!**

**Chapter 11: Gunpowder And Lead**

_" Just when you think everything in the world seems to be going right, life seems to throw roadblocks in your way. I have learned one thing about life, it's a bitch."-Anonymous._

_

* * *

_

I stand with the crowd as Caleb and Olivia wave from the window of their town car, the happy cheers filling the night air, and I smile. I made it through the night. I didn't shatter the way I thought I would, and more importantly I spent time with Michael. I wont lie though. It's scary, terrifying really to realize how easy it is to slip right back into what we used to have. What we used to be to each other.

I walk back into the ball room, my hands running up and down my arms as I try to chase away the cold that sinks into my skin. I smile when the I feel a sudden heaviness and warmth over my shoulders and arms, and even before he opens his mouth to speak I know its Michael. The smell of his cologne dances on the air as I turn to smile at him grateful for the warmth his tuxedo jacket gives me.

" Hey," I say smiling up at him, " Some wedding huh?"

" It was beautiful," Michael says smiling, " Their beautiful."

" That they are," I say suddenly feeling nervous as he takes my hand, walking me from the ballroom to the valet. I drop his hand when I'm asked for my car voucher and fumble my way through my purse finally finding the small slip of paper. I smile when the Valet whose eyes haven't left Michael the entire time I have been searching through the abyss known as my purse, takes the ticket with shaking hands and runs off at top speed to retrieve my car.

" Brooke, I," Michael starts saying but then there is a sudden rush of people, and I'm pushed away from his as a group of clearly inebriated women and men shout questions at him, holding pen and papers out to him for autographs. I blink furiously as dozens of flashes start going off from their digital cameras burn my eyes. I catch the pained look in Michael's eyes as he graciously signs everything held out to him, and poses for pictures with his fans and with a small smile I lift my hand and give a small wave. Tonight was beautiful, and thats exactly how I want to remember it. As a beautiful experience. One I shared with Michael. Even if it is the last one.

* * *

I am helped to my car as security comes out and clears the ever growing crowd that surrounds Michael, and as I'm about to put the car in drive and leave Michael taps on my window. I roll it down, adjusting in my seat slightly when he leans in through the window his eyes soft.

" I was going to say that I had a great time with you tonight Brooke," he says smiling as he brushes a soft kiss to my cheek before he moves his head so that his lips are at my ears, " I meant it when I said I would wait a lifetime for you Brooke." I watch as he starts pulling away from the car and before I can think of what I'm doing I grab his arm.

" Michael, wait," I say getting out of the car so that I'm standing in front of him, my heart pounding in my chest. " You don't have to wait a lifetime. I don't, I don't know if we can go back to the way things were before, but maybe we can start over."

" Brooke, what are you saying?" he asks his brown eyes lighting with confusion.

" What I'm saying is that I'm done. I'm done being mad at you, I'm done pretending that my life has any sort of meaning without you. I'm saying that I don't want to go back to that big empty house tonight alone. I want you there. I want my best friend there," I admit knowing that at this moment I am trusting Michael with my heart again painfully aware that it could easily blow up in my face. Without a word Michael smiles, and I watch as he walks around the front of my car and slides into the passenger seat and for the first time in a long time I feel like the shattered pieces of me are coming back together.

* * *

The drive back to my house is quick, Michael's voice lulling me into a peaceful place as he sings along with the radio, but as quickly and easily as my body and mind is filled with that happy feeling it crumbles around me as I push out of the car and notice the large envelope propped against my front door.

I freeze, panic and fear mixing inside of me as I stare at it, knowing that the moment I open it all it will be is another letter to taunt me. A letter from my nameless, faceless nightmare. I shudder slightly when Michael rests his hand on my shoulder his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

" Brooke, what is it?" Michael asks and I blink slowly, looking up at him, and instead of answering him I rush to the stairs and pick up the envelope. I stare at it, taking a deep breath before turning it over to open it. I pull out another picture of Blake, a big messy red X painted over his face and mine and my heart plummets into my stomach as Michael pulls it from my hands.

" Brooke, what the hell is this?" he asks but his words fall on deaf ears as I read the letter.

' _I was going to wait, bide my time, but the truth is seeing you tonight with Michael really pissed me off. You messed up bitch, bad, and if your lucky you wont be around to see Michael fall. He's just as guilty in this as you, his hands just as stained with Blake's blood as yours. The worst is yet to come. I promise you.'_

I press the back of my hand against my mouth trying to stifle the screams of anger that fight so hard to tear through the night air.

" Brooke," Michael takes the paper from my hand his eyes scanning it quickly and I turn around my hands on my head as I try to breathe.

" I've been getting these letters, and pictures since, since Blake died," I say my floating into the air, " All of them basically the same. Telling me its my fault that Blake died, that I should have just stayed gone. Whoever broke into my apartment, attacked me, stole my scrapbook. The scrapbook that has all of the pictures, and stories of what happened that night in Wilmington."

" Have you told the police?" he asks and I shake my head fervently as I try to clamp down on the panic.

" I thought it would go away, I prayed that it would just go away." I say and before I can try to explain the situation any further Michael grabs my arm and drags me to the car, " Michael, what are you doing?"

" We're getting out of here, it isn't safe here," he says opening the passenger door for me, " We're going to get to Neverland, and then your going to tell me everything from the start, and after that, we're calling the police." I stare over his shoulder and when the front door of my house swings open everything inside of me seizes up as my fear threatens to swallow me whole.

" Michael, run!" I scream and like a rabbit spooked by a predator Michael slams my door and jumps across the hood of my car and I reach over pushing open the door for him. He slams the door tightly behind him and fumbles only slightly when he jams the key into the ignition, " Michael, Michael!" I scream as the dark figure, dressed in black from head to toe walks slowly towards the car, and under the moonlight whoever the stranger is lifts a gun, the light shining off of it as adrenaline courses through my veins.

" You better hold on," Michael says, and I grab onto his arm holding on for dear life.

* * *

Gun shots pierce the silence as Michael throws the car into drive and hit's the gas, the tires squealing as we race down the drive way. Adrenaline continuously pumps through my body as Michael pulls into the busy Beverly Hills traffic.

I press a hand shakily to my stomach, wincing as I shift in my seat, and as soon as the pain registers in my head I know something is wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. I lift my hand, catching the crimson color that paints my pale skin under the street lights.

" Michael," I murmur softly somehow captivated by the blood that smears my hand, " Michael."


	12. Chapter 12: I Swear

**Author's Note: Hey everyone, here's chapter twelve, I hope that you all enjoy it. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review! **

**P.S Thank you all for the reviews they are amazing :D**

**P.S.S This one is for you Amanda, for being so great :D**

**Chapter 12: I Swear**

_" We are not the same persons as we were last year, nor are the ones we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."-William Somerset Maugham._

* * *

Funny isn't it? How in one split second everything you knew, or thought you knew, can be completely changed. I thought I hated Michael, needed to think I hated him, but now as I sit in the car holding my stomach blood oozing through my fingers, all I can think about as the cold settles in, is that I love him. I am completely in love with Michael. Those feelings never left. Dimmed maybe, by the need to pretend that I was okay. That everything in my life was perfect. That I moved on, because he had.

All that time wasted holding onto an unrealistic anger and bitterness caused regret to settle just as coldly over me as the shock of my situation has. I blink blurry eyes, trying to remind myself to breathe. Just breathe. But every breath I take is more painful than the one before it, each of them sending a deep shudder through my body, but i refuse to move. Even the slightest movement is painful.

" Brooke, baby, Brooke, please hold on," the sound of Michael's voice, quiet control over panic rings loudly through my head as I try to lift my head from window.

" Michael," I murmur trying to keep my eyes from rolling into the back of my head, " Michael." I close my eyes as I whisper his name like a silent prayer offered on the darkest of nights.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

Never a dull moment. There is never, ever a dull moment, not a single one. Not when Brooke is involved. A smile tugs at my lips as I drive away from Brooke's house as fast as I can. I have a near panic attack when I'm surrounded by a sea of screaming fans, but somebody pulls a gun and its exhilarating? How in this wide world does that work? I feel the adrenaline that was coursing rabidly through my veins just a few seconds ago starting to drain away and my hands tighten on the wheel as I think of only one thing. Put as much distance as I can between whoever was waiting in the dark at Brooke's house and us.

" Michael," Brooke's soft voice tears through my adrenaline filled head, " Michael." I look over, expecting to find her eyes filled with tears and instead her left hand is pressed to her stomach, her right hand coated in blood.

" Brooke," I say my heart all but slamming to a halt in my chest, " Oh my God." I clamp down on the panic that threatens to take me over and instead I concentrate on one thing, and one thing only. Getting Brooke to a hospital, any hospital.

* * *

Minutes tick by, agonizingly slow and every few seconds I hear Brooke drag in an a breath followed by a groan of pain.

" Brooke, baby, Brooke, please hold on," I plead trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

" Michael," Brooke murmurs again and I look over as I stop behind a car every instinct inside of me telling me to go around it, we're so close to the hospital, I can almost taste the disinfectant in the air, but instead I stare at Brooke, her face pale, her red painted lips standing out shockingly against her lack of color, her brown hair matted against her forehead, " Michael."

I can all but shout hallelujah when the light turns green and I can go, and as I screech to a stop in the ambulance bay, I struggle with the seat belt my hands shaking violently. I slam out of the car ignoring the authorative voices of the security guards telling me I cant park my car here. I tear around the side of the car pulling Brooke's door open, fumbling to catch her as she falls weightlessly, and with agrace I dont understand, from the car, her red dress floating around her. I pull her back into a sitting position, laying my jacket over her as she shudders viciously.

" I'm sorry sir, but you cant park here," the security guard says for the millionth time clapping a hand on my shoulder. I whirl around to him, Brooke cradled against my chest nearly unconscious and I bite down on the annoyance and anger that fills my mouth and head.

" I understand that, but she needs help, now!" I say, and I notice the change in his eyes, knowing full heartedly that he recognizes me.

" Of course, I'm sorry, right this way," he says leading me to the emergency room doors.

* * *

The warmth of the hospital air hits me and with it the control on my emotions snap. I almost stumble, suddenly weak kneed as my eyes wheel around the room in search of somebody, anybody to help.

" Help, I need help," I yell and the sound of crepe soled shoes on the linoleum is the sweetest sound I've ever heard in my life, " She's been shot!" The nurses eyes widen as she stares at me, her eyes going back and forth from me to Brooke, Brooke to me, before finally she calls out her words jumbling in my head as I clutch tighter and tighter onto Brooke's limp body. I can feel the shock settling in as I hospital personal try to take Brooke from my arms.

" Sir, sir. Mr. Jackson!" The petite nurse yells, and I look down at her noticing the small crowd that has gathered around us, " Your going to have to let her go now, okay?" I nod my head numbly, still unable to bring myself to let go of Brooke, " Mr. Jackson please. You have to let her go so that we can help her. I promise you that we will do everything that we can to help her." My vice like grip on Brooke lightens, and she is taken gently from my arms and laid on the gurney, nurses and doctors talking in a rush. I take a step back, when a cool hand reaches to mine grabbing on.

" Michael, don't," Brooke gasps trying to lift her head from the bed, " Don't leave me alone." I fight the tears that threaten to spill over and take her hand in mine pressing kisses over her soft skin.

" I wont, I'm not going anywhere," I say praying that my words bring some sense of comfort to her, " I swear." I watch helplessly as they rush through the doors with her, the petite nurse staying behind to gather a medical chart. I walk to her slowly, my hands shaking.

" What, what's your name?" I ask her, her eyes registering shock that I'm asking her for her name.

" My names Amanda," she says taking my hand in hers.

" Promise me you'll do everything you can for her," I say tightening my hand on hers before she can walk away.

" I promise you Mr. Jackson," Amanda says walking away from me, and all I can do is watch.

* * *

I've come to one conclusion. They made a terrible mistake in calling the waiting room, a _'waiting room,'_ instead it should be called the pit of hell room, or the emotionally tormenting room. Those seem more fitting. I stare down at my hands, turning them over so that my palms are up, turning them back and I shudder as I realize that after an hour Brooke's blood is still caked on my skin. I push to my feet and walk, my legs threatening to buckle under me and I reach a hand out grabbing onto the wall to steady myself. I stay that way, my heart thudding wildly in my chest as the first tears spill over, rolling down my face hotly as my body wracks with sobs.

" Michael!" a panicked voice rings through the room, and I lift my face to see Olivia and Caleb hand in hand, Olivia's face the picture of fear, as big fat tears slide down her face.

" Liv, Caleb," I say catching Olivia when she throws her arms around me, her hands racing over me.

" Your okay? Your okay," she says breathlessly taking my hand in hers, " Brooke? What about Brooke?"

" I, I, I don't know," I say, shuttering when she pulls me into a chair, " I got her here as fast as I could, but there was so much blood, and she was cold, and barely coherent."

" Oh my God, its just like Blake," she weeps burying her face in her hands, " Not Brooke too. I cant lose Brooke. I cant. I cant. I cant. Please God, no."

I detach from myself as I watch Caleb, kneeling in front of his bride, his hands cupping her face as she cries uncontrollably, his voice calm and soothing as he talks her through the panic attack, until finally her wracking sobs turn to whimpers.

" I'm sorry," she stammers getting to her feet her hands shaking as she mops at her face, " I'm just going to take a minute in the bathroom." I watch her walk away, her arms wrapped tightly over her chest and my heart breaks a little bit more.

* * *

" What happened?" Caleb asks his voice monotone and I turn my head to look at him, his face blank, all except for his eyes which are swimming with anger and fear. I take a deep breath and shake my head.

" We left the wedding together, and we were both so happy," I say trying to recall the feeling, and even though it wasn't more than an hour and a half ago, everything that has transpired since then makes the concept of happiness alien to me, " Brooke, she uh, she said she didn't want to be alone in that big house tonight. Said she wanted to start over, that she wanted her best friend back. She was smiling, so brightly when she got out of the car and started walking up the stairs. But there was an envelope, a big envelope and I watched, I just watched the color drain from her entire body as she opened it. She told me, she told me that she's been getting letters every week since Blake died. That there are always pictures in them. Pictures of Blake, of her. Whoever, whoever is doing this, who did this to her is blaming Brooke for Blake's death. Saying that its her fault."

" Crazy, psycho stalker," Caleb murmurs and I look at him my face screwing up in confusion.

" What?" I ask, suddenly feeling weary.

" Brooke said something to me the night of the rehearsal…" he trails off running his hands over his hair, " Something about a crazy, psycho stalker. I tried to get her to tell me what was going on right then and there but then you pulled up and she got distracted. Begged for me to drop it. That she would tell me after the wedding was over."

" Yeah well, I grabbed her, and pulled her to the car. Told her we were going to Neverland. It would be more secure there, and that she was going to tell me everything, every detail before calling the police," I say swallowing harshly before trying to finish the rest of my explanation, " I was leaning into the car, over her, when she screamed my name and told me to run, she pushed me Caleb. She pushed me out of the way not even bothering to grab for the door, so I didn't hesitate, I ran. The fear in her voice told me to not even think about it, just run. I all but jumped over the damn hood of her car and got in just in time to hear the gunshots. I got out of there so fast Caleb, so fast, and I was on some sort of adrenaline high because all I know is I was driving down the street about to burst out laughing when Brooke said my name, and I looked at her fully prepared to comfort her, when I saw the blood. After that I just drove, got here as fast as humanly possible."

" Did the doctors say anything?" he asks and I shake my head about to tell him just how frustrating it is that they weren't saying anything to me at all when the doors swing open and one of Brooke's doctors walk through the door. We stand in unison as my heart starts beating rapidly against my ribs.

* * *

" Are you Brooke's family?" the older man asks his voice calm.

" I'm her brother, Caleb," Caleb says shaking hands with the doctor.

" I'm Dr. Jamison one of the doctors working on your sister. Please sit, sit," he says and we both fall heavily onto the chairs as he pulls a chair up and sits across from us, linking his hands together as he rests his arms on his knee's, " The bullet entered through Brooke's right side, passed through the right side of her pelvic bone, and stopped in her right ovary. She is going to need extensive surgery. To repair the damage done to her pelvis, and unfortunately she is going to lose her right ovary."

" Is there no way to save it?" I ask, feeling nauseous by the thought.

" I'm sorry but no, but Brooke is lucky. She's healthy, and young. The other ovary will pick up the slack for the missing one," Dr. Jamison says, " Right now our main concern is getting her into surgery to determine how extensive the damage is to her right pelvic bone. Pelvic injuries are dangerous, very dangerous. She's on her way to the O.R right now, but as soon as we know anything, anything at all we will be sure to let you all know."

" Thanks Doctor," Caleb mumbles and I watch as the doctor claps a hand on Caleb's shoulder and then mine before walking away leaving us to ourselves, and our thoughts.

* * *

The O.R waiting room is full by the end of the second hour of surgery. Every one showing up to wait together, and pray. Brooke's mother, Celia, Olivia, Caleb, my Mother, even Margot and her husband Tim. I sit next to Brooke's Mama her hand holding onto mine, and all I can think about is why she isn't hating me at this very moment. Why she doesn't blame me. If I hadn't been hovering over Brooke, if she hadn't pushed me out of the way, she wouldn't be here in this hospital, fighting for her life.

" Brooke talked about you all the time you know," Brooke's Mama says and I wince when the sadness in her voice weighs heavily on me, only adding fuel to the fire of my guilt.

" Mrs. Nichols," I stammer but she shakes her head slowly while pressing a tissue to her eyes.

" It's Celia, call me Celia," she says and I nod my head, " She's in love with you, my Brooke. She wont admit it, as stubborn as her Daddy that one, but she is. Even when you broke her heart, she loved you with all the pieces as much as she hated it."

" Celia, I'm so sorry," I say her words cutting into me, creating fresh wounds.

" What do you have to be sorry for? You love her too. I've come to realize in my time, that love is love, and its all that matters. And when you find it you hold onto it. Sure you and my daughter may have lost your way, but I know when two people are meant to be together. Your it for Brooke, just as she's it for you. And I believe, with everything inside of me that God wouldn't take her away from you, from all of us, not now."

Her words touch me, stirring something inside me so beautifully painful that all I can bring myself to do is bury my head against her shoulder and cry. There are no words for a moment like this. Nothing that can be said to make it make sense, or make it okay. I close my eyes as the tears roll down my face, and as Celia wraps an arm over my shoulder I know at least in this moment I can find comfort, even in its smallest form.

* * *

" Dr. Jamison," Caleb's voice is tight and as if on some invisible cue everyone in the waiting room gets to their feet, all of our hands joined together as we hold our breathes waiting for the news.

" The surgery went well. We were able to stabilize her pelvis, actually there was minimal damage done, we did have to remove her right ovary, and she had to be transfused on the table, but she should make a full recovery. It will take time, but she will be okay," Dr. Jamison says, and just like that the weight of sorrow is lifted, replaced instead by a joy so overwhelming it could easily swallow me up.

" When can we see her?" Olivia stammers her eyes flooding even as a smile graces her face.

" She's still under the anesthetic, but she should start coming around in an hour or so, you guys can visit her, but only two at a time," he says shaking hands with everyone. I make my way away from the group, my knee's shaking as I round the corner and slide down against the wall, weeping into my hands.

* * *

I stand in the doorway of Brooke's hospital room, watching her as she sleeps. Her brown hair lays over her shoulders, still curled from the wedding, her skin still sickly pale, but inside I know she's never looked so beautiful. I make my way to the chair next to her bed, and sit, my hand finding hers as I watch her chest rise and fall. I rest my head against her hand, glad to find that she's warm again, and with a shaky breath I clear my throat.

" Brooke, I have never been so scared in my life, but I can swear to you right now, you'll never be alone again. I think, I think about what would have happened if I hadn't been with you last night, and I just," I shutter at the thought of the possibility, " I just want you to know that I cant picture my life without you Brooke. I love you, I am so in love with you." Silence settles into the room, as I lay my head next to Brooke's hand, running my fingers over her skin, over the I.V taped in place and I jump only slightly when her hand moves, her fingers flexing slightly under mine.

" Mmm, Mi, Michael" Brooke murmurs, her eyelids moving and I lean over her, staring at her.

" I'm right here baby," I say, brushing the hair from her face.

" Mmm, so sleepy," she says her words slurring together and I cant help but smile and chuckle when she finally opens her eyes all the way, fear swimming into them " You okay?"

" I'm fine, baby," I say pressing a kiss to her forehead, " I'm better than fine. I love you Brooke."

" Love you more," she whispers, her eyes sliding closed " Going to sleep now." My heart squeezes slightly as I fight the urge to keep her awake, to hear her voice and instead I take a step back prepared to leave her alone so she can rest, but a small whimper comes from her throat.

" Brooke?" I question, coming closer to the bed.

" Stay," she says simply, a small smile on her lips and I grin despite the emotions swirling inside of me, sitting back in the chair.

" I'm not going anywhere."


	13. Chapter 13: The Road Less Traveled

**Author's Note: Hey all. I know that it has been a really long time since I have updated this story. Not to get to personal, or to make this author's not longer than the chapter I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues, and hit one hell of a roadblock as far as my creativity went. Anyways, I'm back now and that at least is a plus, I hope that you all enjoy this chapter, and I apologize ahead of time if it isn't as good as my others, nevertheless I hope that you all enjoy. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 13: The Road Less Traveled**

_" Two roads diverged in a wood, and I…I took the road less traveled."-Robert Frost._

* * *

I rub my hand over the back of my neck for what seems like the millionth time as I close my eyes and try to shake off the fatigue that threatens to send me over the edge into delirium. Its been fourteen hours since Brooke spoke to me, her words slightly slurred from all of the medications that the doctor has her on. Fourteen hours of watching her sleep. Her chest rising and falling slowly, methodically.

" Have you slept at all?" A soft voice calls from the door way and I turn my head, finding Liv, her hair rumpled and her eyes rimmed red staring at me, a small smile on her lips.

" No, you?" I ask patting the chair next to me watching her as she shuffles into the room and sits next to me.

" Not hardly. You know, when Blake, when Blake was killed I thought that was the hardest thing any of us would have to go through. And for a short time afterwards Brooke blamed herself. She swore that if she had just been there things would have been different, and I told her, that if she would have been there she would have been in the same position as Blake, and that would kill me, but I couldn't go there. I couldn't bring myself to think of that even happening to her. And then it did. In that one moment, one phone call it felt like my world was falling apart completely around me. Who would do this to her Michael?" she asks, her voice thick as hot tears roll down her cheeks.

" I don't know," I say at length resting my elbows on my knees as I clasp my hands in front of me, " I don't know who would do this to her Liv, but I can swear that I wont let anyone hurt her ever again."

" I just cant help thinking," she says her voice shaky as she takes my hand in hers, " How much its going to hurt her when she finds out that having a baby is going to be hard for her. She wouldn't ever tell anyone this, except for me, and maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, but the way I look at it is that you and Brooke are meant to be together, but Brooke wants nothing more than to be a Mama. She loves kids."

" I would have never guessed," I murmur, " I guess, with her past and everything that she wouldn't want." I shake my head lightly my words trailing off, " I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so confused right now, my brain just isn't working."

" Neither is mine," she says laying her head on my shoulder, " I hope she wakes up soon." I nod my head in agreement stifling a yawn as my eyes start sliding shut, and I drop off into darkness.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

_The air is cold as Michael and I walk together through the night, our breath puffing out in little white clouds in front of us. Everything has been perfect up to this point. And for once everything seems to be falling back into place. That's when I see him. The masked figure standing in the doorway of my house, of my sanctuary, the gun raised and before I can act, or scream the sound of the bullet leaving the chamber tears through the night air and Michael crumbles beside me. With a sob caught in my throat I drop to my knee's gathering him close to me as I press my hand to his chest, his blood pumping hot against my skin. _

" _Michael, oh God, Michael," I cry as his eyes wheel around in his head and I press my face into his hair sobbing loudly, " Don't leave me Michael, please don't leave me, not now, not like this."_

_" Brooke," he gurgles out, blood seeping from the corner of his mouth, " I...I love you." I choke on my tears as I watch his once lively and beautiful brown eyes roll into the back of his head, and just like that in the cold of the night, with no one around to help, or comfort, my heart, what was left of it, died._

I wake with a start, my eyes shooting open as I gasp for air. The darkness fades slowly as I pull myself from the nightmare. I try to steady my breathing but instead I find myself grasping the sheets on the bed afraid to let go. Afraid that if I do I would somehow fall back into the tight grip of fear that had me in the first place. I close my eyes on a shaky breath as I push myself up in the bed, pain shooting through my body, causing me to collapse against the bed dragging a breath through clenched teeth.

" Brooke?" a soft voice whispers through the dark room and my heart stutters in my chest when Michael comes to my side. I stare at him, my heart beating so loudly in my chest that I can hear it thrumming in my ears, and I feel the familiar prickling of tears at my eyes.

" Mi, Michael," I stammer, choking on his name as I reach for him, pulling him into me even as my body screams at me. I hold him at arms length, my hands rushing over him. I feel the smoothness of his face and my hands work lower, and before I can realize what I'm doing I have his shirt unbuttoned. I run my hands over his chest and stomach and find nothing, not so much as a scratch on his skin. I clutch onto his shoulders as I try to breathe, " Your okay. Your okay."

" Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be okay?" Michael asks lifting my face with his fingers to look at me.

" I thought, I could have sworn," I say shaking my head from side to side, as I try to make sense of the jumbled thoughts in my head, " I thought you had been shot."

" No, you made sure that didn't happen, you pushed me out of the way Brooke, you saved me," he whispers pushing the hair out of my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

" I can't really remember anything," I whisper letting him settle me back against the pillows, but when he goes to pull away I keep a hold on his hand making him sit next to me, " It's all kind of hazy."

" That would be the pain medication," he says a smile on his lips even as his chocolate eyes fill with tears, " God Brooke, I'm so sorry." I stare at him in shock as he shakes his head, fat tears sliding down his face.

" Sorry? For what?" I ask, cupping his face in my hands, wincing only slightly when the i.v in my hand tugs slightly, " Did you shoot me?" I can't help but let the smallest of giggles escape my lips when he looks at me as if I have grown a second head and he shakes his head slowly, " Then you have nothing to be sorry for."

" I should have saved you," he whispers, his voice filled with disgust, " I should have protected you. If wasn't so preoccupied by everything, I would have gotten us out of there sooner and you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't have been shot. You wouldn't have almost bled to death right next to me."

" Michael, please, stop. This," I say motioning to my bandaged side and i.v's, " This wasn't your fault."

" I was just so scared, you lost so much blood and you got so cold, and I though, God I thought," his words trail off as he squeezes his eyes against the thoughts going through his head, and I take him into my arms, praying that I can give him all the comfort that he needs.

* * *

I don't know how much time passes as I hold Michael against me, the initial pain from his weight passing into a dull thud, as I stroke my fingers over his cap of curly black hair. I close my eyes slowly, letting my mind wander, and it isn't too long before my thoughts wander off to how bad my injuries are. I clear my throat lightly, as I try to adjust myself as carefully as I can underneath Michael.

" Michael, how bad is it?" I ask at length, pushing myself up in the bed when he moves back, running long fingers over his face.

" Brooke," he whispers, his voice tight with concern as he looks at me with shadowed eyes.

" Michael, tell me," I say fear slightly filling me when he rubs his hand over the back of his neck.

" I shouldn't be the one to tell you," he says, " The doctor should be the one to tell you."

" Michael please," I plead, struggling to sit up.

" Brooke stop, your going to hurt yourself," he says lightly pushing me back against the bed.

" I don't care. I don't. Why wont you just tell me how bad it is? What did I lose a kidney? Part of my liver? Why wont you just tell me?" I demand fighting against him, shoving him back a step.

" You lost an ovary," he says his voice raised and his words hit me like a slap in the face and in that instant the fight drains from me as I fall back against the pillows, " The bullet penetrated your pelvis and stopped in your right ovary. They couldn't save it."

" So, so what does that mean? Does it mean I can never have a baby?" I whisper, tears burning my eyes as I look at him, a sudden feeling of emptiness coming over me.

" Brooke, no, its not like that," he says, his hands reaching for mine but I shrink away from him shaking my head.

" Don't," I say, " Don't touch me. Not right now. I just. I just want to be alone."

" Brooke," he begs but I just continue shaking my head at him tears sliding silently down my cheeks.

" Please, just leave me alone," I say turning away to stare out of the window.

* * *

" Brooke, you need to get out of bed," the nurse that cheerfully introduced herself as Amanda says, her voice slightly authorative.

" I don't feel like it," I say crossing my arms over my chest.

" I don't care if you feel like it. You had surgery to repair your pelvis. If you want to be able to walk right, which I'm assuming you will, you need to get your butt out of that bad and start on your physical therapy," she says pulling the blankets off of me.

" Why should it matter? I wont ever be able to have kids, so why should anything else matter?" I ask my voice hitching.

" Okay that's enough. Listen to me and listen good. What happened to you was a tragedy. But it isn't the end of the world. The way I see it is you still have one perfectly working ovary which means you will still be able to conceive a child if and when you choose too. Will it be a little harder? Yes. But anything worth having is worth fighting for. And in the name of all that is holy, don't shut Mr. Jackson out," she says her voice serious as she sits on the edge of my hospital bed.

" What are you talking about? I'm not shutting him out," I say my defenses going up. After all it isn't every day that someone who is a perfect stranger somehow knows more about me than most of the people in my life do.

" Yes, you are," she snaps, " You didn't see him. When he carried you into the emergency room. He was scared. He wouldn't let you go Brooke. He was terrified to let you go. It was like we were taking his heart from his chest and all he could do was sit and watch."

I roll my eyes at her, trying to not let her words affect me, to not show that hearing them gives me some form of hope.

" Why are you telling me this?" I ask looking at her defiantly as she sets up the walker that she's expecting me to use. Her dark curtain of hair falls into her face and I watch as she lifts her head slowly, pushing it back into place with a glittery headband.

" I'm telling you this because I would give anything in this world to have someone look at me the way Mic…Mr. Jackson looks at you. I'm telling you this because, I'm a fan of his, and of yours, and it would be a crime of the worst kind if you were to give up simply because the road ahead of you may be harder than you expected. I'm telling you this because I believe in love," she says resting one simply manicured hand on the walker and the other one out to me, " You just have to decide whether your going fight for it."

I smile lightly at her, even as the tears cascade down my face and I grimace in pain as I let her help me from the bed, and I stand on the shaky legs. She's right. The road may be hard, harder than I ever imagined, but at least I know that at the end of this road there's someone worth fighting for. Michael.


	14. Chapter 14: Where It All Began

**Author's Note: Here's chapter fourteen :) Thank you to everyone for your continual reviews and support, it means so very much to me. You all rock my socks, I'm tellin you, you don't even understand. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 14: Where It All Began**

" _Even those with the best intentions can hurt you."-Anonymous._

* * *

It's been a week, a long and grueling seven days of being trapped inside of this hospital, and I cant help but let some of my enthusiasm at the idea of getting out of this hell hole seep out of me when Michael and Olivia walk into my room.

" Hi, have you seen the doctor? Is the doctor out there?" I ask wincing slightly when I slide out of my hospital bed on shaky legs and walk towards where they stand.

" No, haven't seen him yet B," Liv says shaking her head as she hands me my familiar pink and black duffle bag.

" Damn it!" I exclaim, walking towards the bed slowly, " He was supposed to be in to see me over an hour ago. I just want to go home. I want to take a real shower, and sleep in my bed, and what I would give for some real food."

" I told you she was going crazy," I hear Michael murmur from behind me and Liv barely covers up a snicker before I turn to glare at them.

" It's not funny," I say stripping my hospital gown over my head, my back turned towards them as I struggle to get my bra on, " Why do they make these things so damn difficult?"

" Let me help," Liv says stepping towards me, but the sudden buzzing of her phone has us both cursing lightly, " I have to take this, its Caleb."

" Fine, fine," I say watching her bounce from the room. As soon as the door clicks shut behind her the room feels with a tension that I cant quiet put my finger on. I continue to stare at the door, lost in my own mind when Michael clears his throat.

" I erm…I can help you with that," Michael offers, and I lift my eyes to his face, and for some unknown reason the blush that creeps up his face sends a thrill into the pit of my stomach, " If, if you want."

I simply nod my head as I turn back around holding the bra to the front of my chest, slipping the straps up onto my shoulder. I try to steady my breathing when I feel his fingers against my back, the small graze of skin on skin contact sending a thrill up my spine. I close my eyes, soaking up the sensation, reveling when his fingers dance down my spine, his hands cupping my hips before he slowly turns me to look at him. His eyes dance over my face before trailing down.

" You still have the bruises," he murmurs, and I smile lightly when his fingers brush over the bruises that dance over my right side.

" They aren't the first one's," I say my voice barely a whisper as he drags his deep brown eyes back to mine. He rests his hand against my throat and I see the humor light his eyes when he feels the way that my pulse suddenly jumps against his fingers. I lift my arms slowly, wrapping them around his neck.

" Brooke," he whispers, his forehead resting against mine.

" Please," I murmur, " Please just kiss me." The words barely manage to escape my lips before he presses his lips to mine, and I sink into the sensation. The warmth of him filling me as I realize for what seems like the first time just how perfectly we fit together, like we were meant to be just like this.

* * *

" Uh-uhm," the sound of someone clearing their throat from behind us has Michael and I breaking our kiss. I cross my arms lightly over my chest as I feel the first flood of heated blood rush to my face as I stare at the doctor, " I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm here to tell you that as soon as you sign these papers, and promise to stick with your physical therapy, your free to go."

" Thank you Dr. Jamison," I mutter trying to keep a straight face as Michael shifts from foot to foot nervously, " I will do whatever you ask if it means that I'm getting out of here."

" Well luckily for you, all you have to do is sign," he says handing me the discharge papers needing my signature before politely turning around so that I can finish dressing. I wince slightly as I try to pull my baby pink shirt on, and give in easily when Michael finishes the task for me, " Now if you had been wanting to get out of here yesterday we would have needed your signature in blood."

" Thanks," I whisper straightening the shirt out before signing the paper, " Here you go Dr. Jamison."

" All right everything seems to be in order," he says looking at my signature, " Here are your prescriptions. There's an iron supplement because according to your last blood work up your still a bit on the anemic side. There's a month's worth of amoxicillin to stave off any infection, and finally, some pain meds. Percoset. Take one to two a day depending on your degree of pain. There is one refill on it. You have the card for your physical therapist, and I expect to hear that you've made an appointment with him by this Monday."

" Yes sir," I say saluting him, giggling when he chuckles, " And here's Amanda with your wheel chair. Its been a pleasure Brooke, and Michael, take care of this girl." I watch as they clasp hands and Michael nods to him before helping me sit in the wheel chair.

* * *

" I'm willing to bet a years salary on the fact that your excited to get the hell out of here," Amanda murmurs as she pushes me through the halls of U.C.L.A Medical Center. I nod my head excitedly as we quickly approach the elevator.

" You have no idea," I say watching as Michael and Olivia squeeze in next to us.

" What's the first thing your going to do when you get home Brooke?" Amanda asks and I rest my head back thinking.

" I'm going to order the biggest pizza that I can, and I'm going to eat it. Every single bite, on my own, and I'm going to wash it down with a big glass of soda, and what I would give for some Ben and Jerry's," I say giggling when my response pulls a laugh from everyone in the elevator.

" Well, sounds like fun, take it easy Brooke, don't rush yourself, let yourself heal," Amanda murmurs when we get out to the car. I smile lightly at her before hugging her close.

" Thank you, for everything," I whisper in her ear before pulling away, letting Michael and Olivia help me into the black SUV. I stare out of the window of the car giving a small wave to my favorite nurse before sinking into the seat and closing my eyes thankful to finally be going home.

* * *

I open my eyes slowly, blinking them clear as I groan and realize that I must have fallen asleep shortly after getting into the car. I sit up realizing that my head was pillowed against window and look around, realizing that Michael too is asleep in the seat next to me, his head flung back so that it hands off the back of the seat his eyes fluttering slightly as he dreams, and Olivia is in the drivers seat humming lightly to some unrecognizable tune on the radio. I turn my head and blink when I see that we're driving right past the ocean.

" Liv, where are we going?" I ask and I watch with a thundering heart as her eyes meet mine in the rear view mirror.

" To the ranch," Liv says finally and I feel a hot ball of anger drop into the pit of my stomach.

" Absolutely not, I want to go home, to my home," I say my voice involuntarily raising as my hands bunch into fists on my knee's.

" Brooke, that isn't a smart idea. You'll be safe at the ranch, and besides you know what the police said, it would be better for you, if you didn't go back to your house, whoever did this all ready showed that they could easily break into it," she says her voice low as I roll my eyes and throw my hands in the air.

" So I'll get a security system, and hire some goons to keep an eye on things, I want to go home Liv," I say my voice pleading and when I realize that doesn't work I let my anger take over, " Now Liv! I'm serious, I want to go home."

" Brooke, calm down," Michael's voice comes from beside me and I raise a hand to silence him.

" Don't say a word," I hiss, " How could you two think of something like this? And without talking to me? What am I just supposed to go quietly, let you two decide how to run my life now? I swear to God Olivia if you do not turn this car around in the next minute I will jump from it and walk my happy ass back," I say trying to hold back the tears of anger that burn my eyes.

" Please, Brooke just think for one minute and get over your damned pride!" Liv screams at me, pulling the SUV over so suddenly that I rocks harshly in my seat and watch in stunned disbelief when she slams out of the car like a hurricane and pulls open the back door dragging Michael out of the way to stare at me. " Let me tell you something Brooke Elisabeth Nichols. You almost died. Do you get that? You almost didn't exist. And it scared me. No it terrified me, because a world without my Brooke is a world that I don't want to live in or imagine. You can piss and moan, and pout, stomp your foot for Jesus H. Christ's name for all I care, but whether you like it or not you will be going to stay at the ranch until the psycho who did this to you, and to Blake, is found and taken care of. Hate me if you want. But I will be damned if I'm going to get another phone call from Michael, or some stranger that my best friend is in laying in the hospital bleeding or dead. Do you understand me?"

I blink my eyes slowly at Liv, her blonde hair whipping violently around her face as she quivers with a rage that seems too big to fit into her petite body.

" I'm sorry Liv," I whisper nodding my head, " Your right. I'm sorry."

" Good, don't make me pull this car over again," she warns pushing Michael back towards where he was sitting next to me before slamming the door behind him. I look over at Michael, the look of shock still on his face and when he looks over at me all I can do is shrug my shoulders lightly. I don't know what's gotten into Liv, but one thing is for sure, she sure as hell put me in my place.


	15. Chapter 15: I Know You

**Author's Note: Hey ya'll, well here it is, Chapter Fifteen :) Can I just say, I am very proud of myself. Let me explain, in case nobody notices, I'm usually not the best at keeping up with my sequals (I mean just look at Dani and Michael's story...or my follow up story for I Can Feel You...I suck at reproducing sequals) However, I honestly think that writing Life Starts Now and my son have been my saving grace the last few weeks. Some of you know what I'm talking about, and some of you dont. But another saving grace has been the amazing reviews and continual support from all of you! Seriously, they have all been amazing, and I want each and every one of you to know that whenever I get one, it makes my day that much brighter, and there will never be enough words in the english language for me to say to all of you to make you understand how much it means to me. Okay, before I get any mushier and feely, onto Chapter Fifteen. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 15: I Know You**

" _I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."-Unknown._

* * *

I lay in the same comfortable bed that I had slept in when I first lived at Neverland, and instead of finding the peace I once did in this room, all I can do is stare at the ceiling, jumping at every sound, my breath hitching inside of me when shadows cast over the room. It's like I'm six years old all over again, scared of the boogeyman. Only difference is, the boogeyman of my adulthood is all too real, and wields a gun. I shiver at the thought before casting a glance at the clock by my bed, the neon lit numbers reading two forty-five a.m.

I groan as I slide out off the high mattress, pressing a hand lightly to the pain that radiates over my right side, stopping to steady myself against the door. This whole being in pain thing is all ready proving to be a bit of a problem, and I know I should just take one of the pain pills the doctor gave me but I don't want to show that I'm weak. Stupid I know, but I never claimed to be the smartest person in the world.

I shuffle slowly down the hall, my arms crossed lightly over my chest as I let my feet carry me to where I really want to be. The only place that I'll find peace. I stop in front of Michael's door, suddenly feeling nervous, which I know is ridiculous. It's Michael. Nothing to be scared of. I open the door slowly, finding the warmth that washes over me comforting. I slip into the dimly lit room, closing the door quietly behind me.

" Brooke? Are you okay?" Michael's voice catches me off guard and I let out a small scream pressing my hand to my heart.

" Oh Michael," I say laughing a little when he pushes himself out of the chair he was sitting in, and I cant help but stare for just a moment. He stands bathed in moonlight, his chest naked and a pair of red silk pajama pants hanging low on his waist, " I uhm, I thought you would be asleep." I am barely able to get the words out finding much to my dismay that my throat has gone completely dry.

" I should be, but I just couldn't sleep," he says smiling as he sits on the corner of his bed, motioning for me to come sit next to him, " And if anyone should be sleeping, its you." I laugh a little as I sit next to him, carefully folding my knee's.

" I tried, I just," my words trail off as I shrug my shoulders looking at Michael from underneath my eyelashes.

" Just what?" he asks brushing my hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear.

" I can't sleep, without you there," I whisper blushing deeply as butterflies suddenly erupt in the pit of my stomach, " For the last week, you've been there. Every nightmare I had, I woke up to you. It's been nice. It's been nice to have you back."

I sit in the silence of Michael's room, with Michael just staring at me, and feel completely exposed. And with the feeling of exposure comes feeling completely ridiculous.

" I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," I say shifting so that I can get off his bed, " I just I thought." I shake my head as I reach for the door handle but before I can turn it and flee with what little pride I have left the warmth of Michael's hand on my shoulder stops me. I take a deep breath before turning to stare at him, his usually clear eyes clouded making it nearly impossible to read him.

" Brooke," he whispers, brushing a hand down my hair smiling lightly, " I'm sorry. I should have said something. The truth is. The truth is I held onto the last week, held onto the moments of being the one you woke up to, the one who soothed your fears because I thought that with everything that happened that I. That I needed to take things slow. You were shot Brooke, and there is so much that's going to happen. With having to talk to the police, and everything else. I don't want to rush you, Brooke, or this. I messed up so much the last time, and I don't want to mess up again."

I stare at him, my heart faltering in my chest as I realize that as scared as I am, Michael is just as scared, if not more so. I smile slightly even as the tears start forming and I throw my arms around him anchoring myself to the energy, to the goodness that is Michael.

" Michael," I murmur my face pressed into his chest, " I want to let it all go. The past. What was said, or not said, done or not done. None of it matters. What matters is right now. And right now, its just you, and me. I just want it to be you and me. Can't it be just you and me, for a little while?"

Wordlessly Michael leads me to his bed, pulling the covers back and helping me settle in. I lay on my left side my heart hammering in my chest as Michael lays next to me, his arm coming around me pulling me into him so that my back fits against his chest and stomach and in this moment I find total and complete peace.

* * *

I wake slowly and for the first time in what seems like forever my body and mind feel completely rested. Not a single nightmare woke me in the night and I smile, feeling Michael's arm still resting over me. I let my mind wander, thinking over everything. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I was here before, with Michael, with everything seemingly falling into place. And it was pulled from underneath me in a blink of an eye, which set a million other things into effect, and I cant help but wonder. Wonder what life would have been like had Tatiana never come into the picture, or even if she had, but Michael hadn't tested those waters. Would Blake still be alive? Would Tatiana still be in an abusive relationship? Would Caleb and Liv have fallen in love and gotten married? I sigh quietly trying to shut off the whirlwind that seems to be blowing through my mind.

" You think too much," Michael says from behind me and I smile as I roll slowly over, looking at him. His eyes are still closed, and his hair a tangle of messy black curls laying around his face, but on his lips is a light smile.

" How do you do that?" I ask letting my fingers dance into his hair.

" Do what?" he asks, blinking his eyes open slowly.

" Know that I'm thinking too much without even looking at me?" I ask, brushing my fingers over his cheeks, enjoying the feel of his warm skin.

" Because I know you Brooke," he says capturing my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine, " I think I know you better than I know myself. I think I've always known you. From the first moment I saw you." I giggle slightly, embarrassed by his words.

" Whatever, you probably don't even remember what I was wearing the first time you saw me," I say nestling my head on his shoulder staring up at the ceiling.

" You were wearing black on black, your hair was curled and pinned up, and you had to work really hard not to throw a drink in each of my brother's faces when their hands roamed over your backside," he murmurs and my heart stutters in my chest as I look up at him.

" You remember all of that?" I ask slightly taken aback by his memory.

" I remember everything Brooke. I remember how much you looked like a little girl lost under the smile you plastered on your face. I remember the strength you had in your voice the next night when you threw a drink in Joseph's face. And you looked at me like I was your saving grace when I gave you your bracelet back. I know you Brooke. I know that as much as you want to deny it your addicted to caffeine. Pixie Sticks and Starbursts are your favorite candies. You are an incessant over thinker. You love the sound of running water. Probably thought I wouldn't know that but I do. You get this look on your face when you hear water running, like your at peace. You worry about everyone else before you think about yourself, and I know that for a fact because you could have easily played the best friend card with Olivia and demanded that I not be a part of the wedding, but instead you swallowed your pride and hurt and dealt with it because you wanted your best friends big day to be beautiful. I know you Brooke," he says taking a deep breath, and I blink away the tears that have snuck up on me.

" Michael, I," I start saying but my words and thoughts are interrupted when there is a loud knock on the door.

" Mike, its Max, there's a couple of detectives here to talk to Brooke, but she isn't in her room," Max's deep voice calls through the door and I groan, sitting up slowly.

" We'll be right down Max, have them take a seat in the library," Michael calls back as he slides out of bed, pulling open the doors to his wardrobe.

" I'm going to go change," I say, walking slowly and steadily to the door, " Michael."

" Hmm," he answers casting a look over his shoulder as his fingers work at buttoning up his shirt.

" I know you too," I say simply before closing the door behind me.


	16. Chapter 16 Moonlight

**Author's Note: Hey all :) So I dont have a super duper long AN this time lol, surprise surprise right! Uhm not too much really going on on my end, just things getting back to normal, whatever normal is for me. Anyways, here is Chapter 16! Thank you all for your reviews they have been amazing. Look for my next chapter should be coming up pretty quick...I have an announcment/request that I will be putting up in the Author's Note of that one. Anyways, onto Chapter 16 :D As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 16: Moonlight**

" _Laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live."-Anonymous._

_

* * *

_

Ten minutes later, I walk slowly down the stairs, Michael's hand in mine as I try to steady the thundering of my heart.

" It's going to be okay," Michael whispers to me as we pause in front of the doors of the library, his hands cupping my face, " Just tell them everything. I had Liv go to your house while you were in the hospital, she got the file with all of the notes and everything, I made copies and have them to give to the detectives."

" You've thought of everything haven't you?" I ask smiling lightly as I grab onto his wrists letting myself take the strength that he's offering me.

" I tried too," he says brushing a soft kiss to my lips before leading me into the library.

" Sorry that we kept you both waiting," Michael says, and I watch as the detectives get to their feet. One is tall. Amazingly tall, with a dusty blonde crew cut, and icy blue eyes. And his partner is easily a foot shorter, with dark brown hair and the same shade of eyes.

" Its quiet all right," the shorter of the two says clasping hands with Michael, " I'm Detective Torres, this is Detective Bates. We have just a few questions for you Miss. Nichols."

I nod my head lightly taking a seat in the chair across from them.

" I'm glad to see that your all right. How's the healing coming along?" Detective Torres asks and for a moment I stare at him, trying to gauge his sincerity, and it doesn't take me long to realize that he's being one hundred percent genuine.

" Slowly," I answer trying to readjust myself without wincing, " It's coming along slowly. I'll get there though."

" I'm very happy to hear it. We have a few questions to ask you, I don't know if you know this or not but Mr. Jackson, and your friend, Olivia, Olivia Benson have both offered us a little insight on the matter at hand," he says and I nod my head slowly, " Can you tell me when you first received a message from your attacker."

" It was," I say trying to find my voice, " It was uhm the night, the night of Blake's funeral. I uh, I went home alone. I needed some time alone, and when I got to my apartment the door was slightly open. Part of me told me that I should have walked away, should have just walked away and left but I went in anyways. My entire apartment was destroyed. Pictures broken, and everything was trashed. That's when I found the first message. It was written with red paint, and it said 'his blood's on your hands,'" I say trailing off as I try to shake myself from the memory.

" Why didn't you call the police?" Detective Bates asks, his voice deep and gravelly.

" I had just buried my boyfriend Detective, and then I was assaulted in my own home," I say trying to let go of the fact that I can hear the accusation in his voice, " I live a life in the spotlight. Everyone wants to know everything about me. What I'm doing every second of every single day. I didn't want them to know about that."

" When did you receive the next message?" Detective Torres pushes on sending his partner a sideways glance.

" I got a message every weekend up until I was shot," I whisper, sudden chills breaking out across my skin.

" And you still didn't contact the police?" Detective Bates asks and I shake my head at him.

" No I didn't," I say clasping my hands together in front of me trying to hide the shaking.

" Stupid," I hear him mutter as he scribbles away in his notebook, and I cant hold onto the anger that rushes through me.

" Excuse me? Did you just call me stupid?" I ask my voice raising as Michael lays a hand on my shoulder, " Let me tell you something Detective Bates. I don't need you, or your condescending judgment. Was it stupid on my part to not contact the police, yes it was. I know that. I think about that fact every single day. I just wanted it to go away. I thought that if I ignored it, somehow filed it away in my mind that it would just stop. I wanted it to just stop."

" I think we're done here," Michael says slapping the manila folder with every message and picture left by my boogeyman on Detective Bates lap.

" I have just a few more questions," Detective Torres urges, and I bite back the urge to scream at the top of my lungs.

" As long as your partner here is going to treat Brooke this way, there will be no further questions," Michael says and my heart automatically settles to a normal rate and I let out the breath I hadn't even been aware that I was holding, " If you have further questions to ask, then you can do it on your own, or perhaps find yourself a new partner with a better attitude. I'm sure that you both know the way out."

" Of course. We'll be in contact Miss. Nichols," Detective Torres says and I nod slightly not daring to meet the eyes of Detective Bates, shame and guilt washing over me.

* * *

I stare out of the window in the library, my eyes watching the way that the rain falls outside, my arms wrapped tightly over my chest. I know I've been standing here for a while, Detective Bates voice circling in my head, and I find myself unable to shake the accusation in his eyes from my thoughts. I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, and hastily wipe them away when I hear footsteps coming from behind me.

" Brooke," Michael calls out, and I steady myself before turning to look at him, his eyes lit with concern, " You've been staring out that window for nearly an hour, not saying a word, what's on your mind?"

I shrug my shoulders lightly, trying to show him that I'm just not ready to talk about it, but I stop myself from holding back. I stop myself because this is Michael. I love him, and I trust him, and I'm hoping with everything inside of me that he will understand, or at least try too.

" He's right Michael," I murmur wrapping my arms tightly around myself feeling suddenly cold.

" Who?" he asks holding his hand out to me leading me to the loveseat. I sit next to him, watching as he runs long fingers over my palm.

" Detective Bates," I whisper, my eyes fluttering shut over a wave of pain.

" What are you talking about?" he asks tracing a thumb under my eye catching a tear wiping it away.

" He's right Michael. I was stupid. Incredibly and undoubtedly stupid. I should have called the police after the first incident, but I didn't, and it got me shot, and you nearly shot, how could I have been so stupid?" I ask, shaking my head as I feel a hot ball of self-loathing forming in the pit of my stomach.

" Stop it Brooke," he says so sharply that my eyes fly to his in disbelief, " You weren't stupid. You were scared."

" That doesn't matter. What matters is the fact that if I wasn't so afraid then what happened wouldn't have happened," I say bitterness taking me over as I shove myself off the couch and begin pacing ignoring the fact that pain rips through my body like a rush of fire.

" Now you do sound stupid," he mutters darkly bringing my pacing to a screeching halt as I stare at him.

" Excuse me?" I ask my voice barely a whisper as my heart falters in my chest.

" You sound stupid when you talk that way Brooke. Listen to me, I cant begin to imagine what it was like for you, to lose Blake, and then to be attacked, and then to continuously receive notes and pictures, haunting and taunting you. Should you have called the police, yes. But I can understand why you didn't," he says coming towards me, laying his hands on my shoulder, " But none of this is your fault Brooke. None of it. Did you shoot Blake? No. Did you beat yourself up? No. Did you shoot yourself? No. You need to stop blaming yourself, the sooner you stop blaming yourself the sooner we can talk to the detectives, give them everything that they need, so that they can do their jobs and get whoever is doing this."

I blink my eyes slowly as I stare at Michael, letting his words sink in, letting myself hold onto those words, take the strength from the realization that he was right. I have no control over this situation, the situation has control over me, and its time for me to take that control back.

" Your right," I murmur taking a deep breath, " Your right. I need to find myself again, I need to center myself."

" Yes you do," he says brushing his lips lightly over mine, " Just remember you aren't alone in this." I nod my head slightly before resting it against his shoulder, letting the silence take us away.

* * *

I stare at Michael's gym, grumbling slightly when my overly perky physical therapist Jane all but bounces into the room. It's been a month and half since I moved back into Neverland, and three days a week I am subjected to Jane and her high pitched, cheerleader voice.

" Brooke, hey!" Jane all but squeals, hugging me tightly before stripping off her sweater, " I love those sweats by the way. Too cute." I smile and nod my head at her, following as she leads me to the center of the room. " We're going to start with just some simple stretches just like last time."

I lose myself in the motions, letting Jane's voice serve as white noise. I can feel myself getting stronger, the pain not as bad, and though I still have a few moments where I limp, but for the most part the healing process seems to be right on track. At least the physical aspect of it. It seems that as quickly as my physical body is healing, my emotions are still all over the place. I jump at the smallest noise, or the smallest of shadows. It's all becoming rather exhausting.

I stare at the ceiling as Jane helps me extend my right leg up and over so that the tips of my toes are practically touching the hard wood floor behind me, and just as I'm about to let my eyes slide closed and shake off the feelings of worry or whatever they are the sound of someone clearing their throats from behind us has my leg jerking forward, and a shriek of terror tearing out of my chest, and in the moment of my fear I realize that I kicked Jane, poor, innocent, bubbly Jane, right in the face. I roll over when she screams out and kneel in front of her, watching as she presses her shirt to her nose, tears streaming down her face.

" Oh, oh my God," I say searching around the room frantically, " I, I am so sorry."

" No, it was my fault," a voice says and I look up at Michael, whose brown eyes are lit with concern, as he helps Jane to her feet, " I startled her, I should have known better."

" I's kay, weally," Jane mumbles her words slightly slurred as she lets Michael lead her to the closest bathroom. I follow behind them, a feeling of total and complete humiliation washing over me as Michael makes small talk with the poor girl.

" Of course its not okay," Michael murmurs sympathetically as he wets a wash rag, " You'll be lucky if you don't have a broken nose." I groan loudly turning bright red before walking down the hall, the sound of Michael clucking over my physical therapist only driving the feeling of guilt to a higher point.

* * *

" Michael, no," I say staring at the closed bathroom door the towel wrapped tightly around me as if it's the only thing keeping me alive.

" Brooke, you heard Jane. She is going to miss a few weeks while her nose, uhm, heals, and she said that the pool would be the best thing to use to make sure your muscles don't seize up. And you cant use stitches as an excuse because you had those removed a week ago and the doctor said you would be fine," Michael calls through the door and I groan.

It wouldn't be such a bad thing really, being alone, in the pool, with Michael. If it wasn't for the fact that all the bathing suits that I have are two piece suits. And usually two pieces wouldn't bother me, if it wasn't for the fact that now, aside from the ugly scar on my chest, I have an equally if not more disturbing scar that still stands out against my skin like a neon sign blinking and pointing, saying _"look at me, and my gnarly scar!"_

" Come on Brooke. Nobody's here, its just you, and me," he says his voice deepening and I shudder lightly, trying to ignore the goosebumps that break out against my skin. I take a deep breath, my stomach tightening into a tight ball as I step forward and unlock the door pulling it open slowly.

" You promise, its just you and me," I say clutching my towel even tighter around me as I fidget under his appraising gaze.

" I promise," he says as he wraps his arm around my waist leading me from the pool house bathroom, " It's just you, me, and the moonlight."


	17. Chapter 17: What If You

**Author's Note: Hey ya'll! I know, its been FOREVER since I've updated. I'm sorry about that. But I'm back now. I hope I didnt lose too many readers...and if I did I'm sorry come back! I have cookies, and I will gladly share. Anyways, Here is Chapter Seventeen at long last. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 17: What If You**

_" But for tonight I'll stay here with you, yes for tonight I'll lay here with you."-From the song What If You by Joshua Radin. _

**

* * *

**

I stare at Michael, watching as he strips the towel from around his waist, smiling when he dives fluidly into the crystal clear water of the pool with barely a splash. The march air still holds somewhat of a chill in it, and I shiver slightly, watching the way the steam billow and curls off the surface of the water.

" You coming in?" Michael asks shaking his curly black air from his face, wiping wide palms over his face, blinking wide eyes at me.

" Yeah," I murmur nervously biting my lip as I slip the towel off of me, tossing it onto one of the lounge chairs nearby. I clasp my hands in front of me, trying to remind myself to breathe. This isn't the first, and I'm sure it wont be the last time that Michael see's me in a bikini. Hell, he's seen me naked. I flush at the thought trying to busy my suddenly shaking hands by pulling my hair down.

" You have to the count of three Brooke Elisabeth," he taunts and I roll my eyes as I slowly edge towards the side of the pool.

" Oh, really?" I ask crossing my arms over my chest, enjoying the fact that Michael can so easily pull me from my own thoughts, " And what if I don't get in by the count of three? What is the big, bad, MJ Monster going to do about it?" I grin when he cringes at me, knowing that, that particular nickname has never been one of his favorites.

" One," he says loudly, inching closer to me.

" Oh I'm so scared," I mock him pretending to be shaking.

" Two," he calls louder than before his hands slapping wetly against the cement.

" Uh oh, here comes the great big MJ Monster," I laugh, " Whatever will I do?"

" Three," he yells, and before I have time to think, to turn, to run he shoots out of the water, wrapping his wet body around mine and we stumble, our laughter filling the night air before we fall in a heap of arms and legs entwined, into the pool.

I come up sputtering, gasping for air as I spit out water and laugh at the same time, ignoring the burning sensation that lights a fire in my nose and eyes.

" That was mean," I say when Michael comes up laughing, shaking his head like a wet dog trying to dry off, " So mean. I'm not talking to you."

" Aww, Brooke, come on," he says snagging me around the waist pressing a kiss to my neck and shoulder, " You have to admit, it was pretty funny. You should have seen the look on your face."

" I will not admit it was funny," I say crossing my arms over my chest, " Because it wasn't the least bit entertaining."

" Oh yes it was," he says laughing loudly behind me letting go of my waist and I turn to stare at him as he throws his head back laughing outrageously loud, grasping the sides of his stomach. So I do the only logical thing there is to do. I splash him whole heartedly in the face with water and laugh, loudly, when he sputters and chokes.

" Now that," I say between giggles, " That was funny."

" You really don't know what you've started," He says and like that the nerves are washed away as Michael chases me through the water.

* * *

I look around the darkened water trying to make out a shape, any shape to tell me just where Michael is at the moment, and my heart thuds in my chest as I realize just how much it feels like I'm in one of the Jaws movies, waiting for the shark to suddenly jump from the water and eat me, or sneak from below and pull me under.

" Michael, " I call out my voice shaking slightly, " Michael I give up you win. I don't want to play this game anymore." I hear a small splash of water to my left and turn slowly half expecting him to pop up in front of me and scare the ever living daylights out of me, and instead I feel a firm hand on my ankle and before I can I scream or try to kick out of his strong hold I'm underwater with Michaels arms wrapped tightly around me, his lips pressed over mine.

We break the surface of the pool, still wrapped in each others arms, and I rest my forehead against Michael's letting myself breathe, unable, or perhaps unwilling to stop the shiver that races up my spine when he rubs the back of my neck with his thumb.

" Brooke," Michael whispers brushing my hair from my face, and I smile slightly enjoying the feel of the butterflies that flutter inside of me.

" Hmm," my voice hums in my throat as I feel my back bump lightly against the cool cement siding of the pool.

" I love you," he whispers and I blink slowly my heart thudding giddily in my chest.

" I love you," I murmur back my fingers clasping together behind his neck as my legs hook around his waist.

" I mean it Brooke, I love you," he says brushing a soft kiss to my cheek his lips cool against my suddenly flushed skin, " Marry me."

I stare over Michael's shoulder as his words whisper in my ears, and I shiver slightly as my heart, once happily beating inside of my chest, falters to a dull and thick thud. My fingers slide from his shoulders as I manage to push myself from the pool, trying to stop my body from shaking as I grab my towel wrapping it around myself.

" Brooke!" Michael calls after me and I hear the faint sound of water splashing and I quicken my pace managing to get into the house and half way up the stairs towards my room before Michael catches me by the elbow and turns me to look at him. " Brooke, what, what just happened?"

" You asked me to marry you, that's what happened," I say my teeth chattering as I pull my arm from his grasp.

" Brooke, you had to know, that I was going to ask you to marry me, eventually," he says running his hand nervously over his wet hair, " Granted the proposal wasn't exactly what I had planned, but you just. You looked so beautiful in the moonlight, and it just, it seemed right."

" You, you cant just ask me to marry you Michael," I sputter shaking my head furiously.

" Why? I don't understand," he says, and I throw my hands up in the air with frustration.

" Of course you don't," I mutter darkly and before I can make my escape and go back to my room, Michael snatches me by the hand and drags me behind him into the room we've been sharing, slamming the door behind us.

* * *

I jump slightly at the sound crossing my arms over my chest as I watch him pace back and forth in front of the door, noticing how much he looks like some sort of large cat, stalking around nervously.

" Do you love me?" He asks suddenly and I stare at him, my heart rapping madly against my ribs.

" You know that I do," I say my voice barely a whisper.

" Are you in love with me?" he asks his voice almost urgent as he takes a careful step towards me.

" Michael, I," I whisper dropping my hands dropping to my sides as I close suddenly watering eyes.

" It's a yes, or no question Brooke," he whispers, taking my face in his hands and I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat, " Are you in love with me?"

" Yes," I say opening my eyes to stare into his.

" Then marry me," he says lowering his lips to mine but I turn my head, his lips brushing against my cheek.

" It's not that simple Michael," I say taking a step away from him.

" Why?" he demands, his voice on the verge of fury making me jump just slightly.

" Because its not okay!" I say spinning away to do pacing of my own, " Your barely divorced Michael, and Lord knows the field day that the press will have with that story."

" Who cares what they think, or what they say," he says grabbing me by my shoulders, " This is me, and you. It doesn't matter what stories they will spin, or what they will say about us. What matters is that we'll know the truth, that the people who know us, the one's who matter will know, that when we get married its because we love each other and cant imagine living a day without each other."

" Its not just that Michael," I say shaking my head sadly, trying to brush away his sweet words, willing them to not sink into my heart and bloom some sort of hope for the possibility of such a thing, " Did you forget that someone is out there. Someone who wants to hurt me. Someone who tried shooting you? Someone who has threatened to you. Do you realize how horrible, how life shattering horrible it would be for me, if I married you and something were to happen to you?"

" So you wont marry me, to protect me?" he asks and I nod my head at him before dropping warily into one of his overstuffed chairs.

" Baby," he says dropping down so that he is kneeling in front of me, " That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Something bad can happen to me, to anyone at any moment. I can walk outside and be hit by a car, or I don't know, get struck by lightening climbing one of my own damn trees. Anything can happen at any moment. But that is no reason, no reason at all to not marry the one your in love with. Do you think I'm not afraid that something bad is going to happen to you? Because I am. Brooke, I carried you when you were shot. Your blood soaked my hands and clothes. I will never forget that day, ever. But the fact that you survived just solidifies in my mind the fact that you were meant for me, just as I'm meant for you."

" Michael," I murmur dropping my forehead to his taking a deep breath, " What if this is a mistake?"

" What if it isn't?" he asks, " What are you more afraid of? It being a mistake? Or it being exactly what was meant to be?"

" Both I guess," I whisper letting him brush the tears from my cheeks.

" I'm going to ask you one more time," he says and I hold my breath as he turns his head slightly so that our eyes meet, " Brooke, will you marry me?"

" Yes."


	18. Chapter 18: Whisper

**Author's Note: Hey ya'll. Well here it is Chapter 18. One quick note *throws cookies to all who reviewed* Lol. I know I'm a dork. Anyways, I hope that you all like this chapter. The song used is If I Die Young by The Band Perry. Amazing song. Seriously if you havent heard it, you should listen to it. Anyways, as always Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 18: Whisper**

_" Its in the whisper of a nightmare that beauty is born."_

* * *

" Michael, where are you leading me?" I ask, holding onto his wrists tightly, my eyes straining to see through his hands.

" It's a surprise," Michael whispers in my ear, his breath tickling my skin and I shiver slightly.

That's all that he would say to me. _It's a surprise. _So I played along when he told me to take a shower and get dressed. And now we walk, and I try to stop the rapid beating of my heart. I know I'm safe here. With Michael. I take a steadying breath and smile when we finally stop.

" Okay, I'm going to move my hands now, but you have to keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them," he says and I nod my head, letting my eyes slide shut. Everything is quiet, save for the sound of the cool breeze rustling through tree's. " All right, open your eyes."

I blink my eyes open slowly, and stand in stunned amazement when I see Michael standing just underneath his giving tree, a million candles surrounding him, their flames flickering lightly in the night air. A blanket lays smoothed out on the ground and Michael holds a hand out to me, and I take it stepping into the circle.

" I wanted to do this the right way," he says and before I can protest he drops to his knee's, his hand going to his pocket where he pulls out a blue velvet box.

" Michael, you didn't have too," I say but the slow smile that forms on his lips has me growing quiet.

" Brooke, I love you. I think I loved you the moment that I saw you," he says and my heart falters in my chest, " Will you marry me?" He opens the ring box slowly and I stare in disbelief at the ring. I drop to my knees in front of him, staring at it, being taken back into my memories.

_It hadn't taken much persuasion on my part to convince Michael to play hooky from the studio and do some good old fashion shopping. In fact, it didn't take any at all. Who would have known that Michael would love rummaging through antique shops as much as I do? I smile as I lose myself in the aisles, and find myself staring at the jewelry. One ring in particular catching my eye. I lean against the glass, staring at it closely. _

" _Ahh, you've found something you like," Michael says from behind me and I jump slightly turning to look at him. _

" _Maybe," I murmur smiling as I turn back to look at him. _

" _Well, show me which one it is," he says and I point through the glass case, to the delicate ring with its champagne colored diamonds._

" _It is a pretty ring," he says and I smile nodding my head. _

" _Can you just imagine the story behind it?" I ask, smiling at the woman who opens the case and gently places the ring in the palm of my hand. _

" _It belonged to a woman named Maggie Edwards. She was sixteen years old when she was given this ring," the old woman says her voice carrying a slight air of sadness, " Unfortunately her love passed before they could be married. She never found another love, and so, she had no one to pass the ring onto." _

_I blink tear filled eyes slowly, staring at the ring in the palm of my hand. _

I stare at the ring. The ring that had belonged to a woman who knew love, and knew the bitter sting of losing that love. The light champagne colored diamonds glitter in the candlelight and I feel the tears begin sliding down my cheeks.

" You bought the ring," I whisper looking up at Michael, my heart catching in my throat.

" It was yours," he says taking it from the box, lifting my left hand up, " It was meant to be yours Brooke. Just as your meant to be mine."

I feel the cool medal of the ring sliding against my skin and shudder lightly when I look down and stare at it. Suddenly the apprehension I had disappearing as I realize just how right all of this feels.

" I am yours," I say looking up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he lowers his lips to mine.

" Forever?" he asks, his forehead resting against mine.

" And always," I say cupping his face in my hands, before slowly bringing my lips back to his.

* * *

" You are so unbelievably beautiful," Michael murmurs and I blush deeply barely meeting his eyes as he stares down at me. I shiver slightly when his fingers dance over the skin of my throat, tracing delicate patterns, and a familiar longing forms in the pit of my stomach. Liquid heat.

I feel my eyes slide shut slowly, as the smallest of whimpers catches in my throat and escapes my lips as Michael's hands roam over me. His wide palm brushing over my stomach as he traces the scar on my right hip, and I find myself growing suddenly embarrassed as I brush his fingers away from the ugly blemish.

" Why do you do that?" he asks, and I open my eyes to find him bracing himself right above me, his hands on either side of my head.

" Do what?" I ask, fidgeting under his gaze. He has a way about him. My Michael. A way of looking at you, catching your eyes, and staring into your very soul.

" You try and hide yourself," he says his lips a breath away from mine and I swallow harshly trying to find the right words to say, any explanation that wouldn't sound slightly delusional or vain.

" I just," I say the words barley coming out of my mouth, " Their ugly. The scars."

" Their beautiful," he says kissing me lightly, " Your beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful Brooke." I fall into Michael, allowing his words, and his hands raise me, carry me to a place that's safe. That's ours.

* * *

I wake quickly, the scream locked in my throat as I claw my way from the nightmare. I shudder against the cool air, stars blinking above me as I stare into the night sky. I turn my head slowly, Michael's face the picture of solitude as he sleeps. I move slowly, sliding out from underneath the arm tucked around me. My hands search the darkness as I find Michael's discarded shirt and pull it on, buttoning it quickly. I brush a quick kiss to Michael's forehead before getting to my feet and walking where my feet, and heart are leading me.

I open the door to the studio slowly, my hands fumbling along the wall for the light switch. I wince slightly, blinking my eyes rapidly trying to adjust to the sudden brightness in the room. I smile lightly, running my hands over the familiar walls as I walk through the room, my fingers dancing over the glossy surface of the piano. Strange how one room can hold so many memories.

I find my guitar sitting in one of the stands and pick it up pulling the strap over my shoulder before sitting cross legged on the leather couch, my fingers strumming a melody born from a nightmare.

* * *

I wake to the feel of someone shaking me, and when I blink my eyes open I'm staring into a set of very angry brown eyes. Michael's eyes. Lit with a fury I've never seen before.

" Michael," I murmur sitting up hissing softly when my neck protests and I try to work the kink from it.

" What is this Brooke?" Michael demands and I stare at him in bewilderment before my eyes trail to the papers that he holds in his hands. My heart catches in my throat as I try to bite down on my own fury.

" It's a song," I say reaching over trying to snatch the papers from his hands but he side steps me his hand tightening on them.

" I can see that," he says his voice low, " But why would you write something like this? Some sort of sick self-prophecy?"

" What are you talking about Michael?" I ask getting to my feet pulling my work from his hands, " It's a song. A song that came to me in a dream last night. Surely you know what that's like. Lord knows how many times I've watched you get up in the middle of the night to scribble things down."

" Do you have any idea how scared I was. I woke up, expecting to find my fiancé laying next to me, only to find that you were gone. And when I do find you, its to find this, these, words surrounding you as you sleep on the couch," he says his voice tight with anger.

" I'm sorry you were worried," I say, " But its just a song Michael. A song that I needed to get out."

" You wont record it," he says and my head snaps up at the authorative tone in his voice.

" Excuse me?" I ask my hands trembling as I try to keep a slippery hold on my anger.

" You heard me. You will not record this song," he says slamming his hand on the piano the sound of skin meeting wood resounding off the walls, echoing around us.

" Last time I checked you aren't in charge of my career," I say letting myself snap, " You have no right. No right whatsoever to tell me what I will, or will not record."

" I can have control," he says at length, " All it would take is a few phone calls and I could."

" You wouldn't," I say calling his bluff, and I watch as he falters, his eyes growing cloudy, " You wouldn't because you wouldn't take my right away from me. Just as you would never want anyone to have control over your career again."

" Brooke, please," he begs and I shake my head pulling my guitar strap over my shoulder sitting on the piano bench.

" Just, listen to it," I say pleading with him, " Listen to it and if still you have such a huge problem with it then I wont record it." He inclines his head and I take a steadying breath, closing my eyes as I begin to sing.

_If I die young bury me in satin _

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh _

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_

_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and _

_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no_

_Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _

_I've had just enough time_

_If I die young bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses _

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _

_I've had just enough time_

_And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom_

_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger_

_I've only known the lovin' of one man_

_And it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand _

_There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever _

_Who thought forever could be severed by _

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

_All I never did is done _

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar _

_They're worth so much more when I'm a goner _

_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin' _

_Funny when your dead how people start listenin'_

_If I die young bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses _

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song _

_Oh, Oh_

_The ballad of a dove_

_Go with peace and love_

_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket _

_Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls._

I open my eyes slowly, cautiously and stare at Michael, a ghostly smile on his lips as tears trail down his cheeks.

" Your right Brooke," he says at length and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, " If you don't record that song it would be a crime."

" Michael," I say setting the guitar aside and climbing into his lap, cupping his face in my hands, " Its just a song, I'm not going anywhere."

" Promise?" he asks his hand gripping the back of my neck as he stares at me intensely.

" Promise," I whisper burying my head in his shoulder trying to shake away the sudden wariness that fills my heart.


	19. Chapter 19: Breaking Point

**Author's Note: Hello all :) And Welcome to Life Starts Now! I just want to say thank you to everyone who continues to faithfully read and review my story. Seriously all of you make me so happy and mean so very much to me. You have no idea. So a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE thank you to the following people, MichaelJacksonFan227, BrittanyJacksonx, & jonasjacksonheart15! You guys are amazing, and I love you, and if you were here I would totally give you one of my yummy red velvet cupcakes :) Anyways, onto Chapter Nineteen. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 19: Breaking Point**

_" Everybody has a breaking point. And when its reach, there's no telling if they can ever come back from it."-Anonymous._

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If anything could be said of being engaged to Michael Jackson its this. It's crazy. Pure pandemonium. My ears are still ringing from when I told Liv, who then proceeded to scream and squeal in my ear for I don't even know how long. And of course came the phone call to my Mama, who cried like a baby. Saying things along the lines of _'My little girls getting' married.' 'Where did the time go? It seems like it was just yesterday that you were still just a baby.' _

But as crazy as the phone calls to my best friend and Mama were, nothing, and I mean nothing compares to the craziness that Michael is preparing. The engagement party. That at this very moment, about a million people are descending on Neverland, working hard to transform it to Michael's liking.

I suppose I shouldn't complain. I mean, after all it isn't such a bad thing that Michael is so excited by the idea of us getting married that he wants to announce and celebrate it surrounded by a thousand people, right?

I roll my eyes as I move away from the window, gathering my teal sweater around me, and I flop onto the bed. It isn't that I'm not excited. I am. I mean, I never thought, never dreamed that Michael and I would get married, what with the whole Tatiana and baby, Blake, death, getting shot thing. I hadn't let myself dream or hope for the moment when life would finally stop getting in the way. But here it is. The moment I had been waiting for. The proof is right here. I lift my left hand and stare at the ring that circles my finger and smile softly.

I guess I really shouldn't be complaining. Or even be thinking about complaining. Because at the end of the day, what matters is Michael loves me. He loves me.

" Knock, knock," a soft voice chirps through my door and I roll over to see Olivia, and I watch as she breezes in, and with a flourish she lays it on the bed before jumping up onto the bed and grabbing me into a tight hug.

" Ugh, cant breathe, Liv," I gasp and cant help but laugh when she lets go quickly.

" Sorry," Liv says breathlessly, " I'm just. This is just. Your getting married."

" Yes, yes I am," I say pressing a hand to my stomach as a whole new bout of butterflies erupt inside of me.

" And in just a little under an hour Neverland is going to be full of people, ninety percent of whom are going to be so incredibly jealous it wont be funny," she chatters on as she leads me to the bathroom, " Now, you need to hurry up and take a shower. We have fifty eight minutes to make you presentable."

* * *

" Liv, I'm not sure about this dress, I mean don't get me wrong you did a beautiful job of making it, I'm just not sure about the color," I say staring down at the flowing lavender dress.

" It's beautiful," a soft voice calls out to me and I look up startled, seeing my Mama sitting on the end of my bed next to Olivia. " Mama?"

" You didn't think I'd miss my baby girls engagement party did you?" Mama asks and I stand utterly shocked, trying to process the fact that she's standing in front of me.

" But how, when," I stammer shaking my head at her, " You said you weren't going to be able to make it. Work, and money, even though I offered to pay for you to get here, you were so adamant that you weren't going to make it."

" Yeah, well I got a call from your husband to be and he told me how sad you were, that I wasn't going to be here for the party, and he convinced me to come," she says and I press a hand to my heart trying to fight the tears that are bound to come.

" Mama," I murmur rushing into her open arms, holding on as tight as I can.

" I am so happy for you, my little sweet pea," she murmurs and with those few words the dam breaks, and with it comes a flood of emotions that I hadn't realized were stuck inside of me, " Oh come now, what's with the tears?"

" I don't know," I say pulling away to brush the tears quickly from my face, " I'm just. I'm so happy that you're here for this."

" I wouldn't be anywhere else," she says cupping my face in her own hands, brushing the last of the tears from my cheeks, " Now what do you say we go celebrate?"

" Lets," I say cheerfully taking both my Mama's hand and Olivia's before heading out of the room.

* * *

I take a step out of the back door, the words I was saying to Liv and my mother sliding away to nothing when I look around. Neverland is all ready such a fairy tale come to life, but somehow, someway Michael seems to have taken it to next level.

I look around, turning a slow circle, taking in as much of my surroundings as I can. Thousands of twinkle lights hang from the branches of every tree, candles flickering a lively light all around us, and acres of Casablanca Lilies scent the air.

" Oh. My. Word," Mama says from behind me and I nod my head slowly looking through the crowd of people that I hadn't noticed, finding Michael standing in the middle of his brothers, a smile bright enough to outshine a million suns placed on his lips.

I feel it then. In this moment. This moment of silent revelry, as I stare at the man I love. I feel the undying and undeniable truth. I am head over heels in love with Michael. He has my heart, and maybe he had it from the very beginning. Maybe all it took was that one shy smile from the corner of a table for Michael to capture my heart. I don't know. I don't know at what moment I fell in love. What matters is that is exactly what I am. In love.

I watch with tear filled eyes as Michael scans the crowd, his eyes finally falling on mine, and his all ready smile grows even more as he claps a hand on Marlon's shoulder and pushes his way through the crowd.

" Brooke?" Michael says, and I rush to him, capturing his lips with mine, my arms circling his neck as I anchor myself to him. He kisses me back, and its as if I'm tasting sunshine, as his lips curve against mine and he pulls away so that his head is resting against mine. " What was that for?"

" For being you," I murmur, letting him take my hand to lead me into the crowd of awaiting guests.

* * *

_I watch her through the crowd. Watching as she laughs, her voice carrying over the crowds of people. And my stomach rolls. She thinks she has it all. But she's so wrong. So very wrong. She took the only one I loved away from me, and for that she will pay a price so steep that all of those around her will feel it for the rest of their lives. I step through the crowd, brushing against her and smile when she offers a light hearted apology, her hand touching my arm._

_It would be so easy. So easy to draw her away from the crowd, tell her that I need to talk to her, personally. She trusts me. Stupid Brooke. I could lure her away and finish her off. The thought is tempting as I proceed to walk through the crowd away from where she stands with Michael. I make my way to the gift table, and place my present at the very bottom of the stack._

_As easy as it would be, to finally rid myself of her, there would be no fun in that. Tormenting her. Now that, that's where the amusement comes from. Watching her cry, barely able to hold onto her sanity._

_" Just you wait Brooke," I murmur as I step away from the table, " The fun has yet to begin."_

* * *

" Did you have fun?" Michael asks as he closes the front door and I laugh lightly, feeling the effects of the champagne I drank.

" Mmm, surprisingly, yes," I say twirling in quick circles, enjoying the feel of the silky material as it flows and tickles my legs.

" Surprisingly?" he asks taking my hand in his, and I lay my head against his shoulder as we walk hand in hand towards the library.

" I wasn't really thrilled by the idea of having such a big party," I say, sitting slowly on the couch in the library, " I was worried about what people were going to say, or think. Which I know is stupid. Because all that matters is what we think, and what our families think. But it doesn't stop that little voice of worry from breaking through every once in a while."

" Mmm, well as long as you had fun," he says pulling me into his lap, " That's all that matters."

" Well yes, I had fun," I say laughing when he starts nuzzling my neck, his lips pressing warm kisses to my neck.

" Good, and did you see the gifts we got?" he asks and I look at him my eyes growing wide.

" We got presents?" I ask looking around until my eyes fall on the mound of gifts that sit in the corner. I scramble off his lap and kneel in front of all the cheerfully wrapped packages, " Can we open them?"

" I don't see why not," he says laughing when I snatch the one closest to me, " I don't think I've ever seen you get this excited over something. How much champagne did you drink?"

" Mmm, I'm not sure actually. I kind of lost count. People just kept handing me glasses," I say laughing when Michael's eyes almost bug out of his head, " I'm kidding. I had two and a half glasses, but I didn't eat, and I'm not much of a drinker, so it hits me, very easily."

" Good to know," he says, " No champagne at the wedding. Last thing I would want is a hung over bride on the honeymoon."

I bump my shoulder into Michael playfully before handing him a gift.

" Okay so we both open them together, on three," I say smacking his hand lightly to stop him from tearing into the paper, " No cheating. Okay, ready? One. Two. Three."

The sound of tearing paper fills the other wise quiet library and I smile when I look over and find that we have gotten matching red silk robes.

" Ooo, those are pretty," I say turning my head back to the gift that was in my hand. I rip open the package and find a plain white box. I open it slowly, pushing tissue paper away and the champagne that was giddily dancing in my head and blood plummets to my stomach creating a sick ball of fear.

I pick up the pictures, my fingers shaking violently as everything else falls away, and I grow numb.

" Brooke, Brooke what's the matter?" Michael asks his voice tight with concern and I turn my eyes to him, unaware that tears have started rolling down my cheeks as I look back down at the pictures.

" It's Blake," I whisper and I feel the pictures slide from my fingers when Michael takes them from me.

" Who, who left these?" he demands and I shrug my shoulders sitting back as he tears through the wrapping paper trying to find out who left them.

" Why is this happening?" I ask my voice barely a whisper as I fight the urge to throw up, " Why does this keep happening?" I pull my knees to my chest pressing my hands against my ears as I rock back and forth trying to block out the images. I close my eyes but all I see are the pictures. Pictures of Blake, laying in a pool of blood, his eyes half open. And the last thing I hear is Michael calling wildly for Max.

* * *

I wake slowly, my head throbbing viciously and my stomach in knots. I sit up, looking around and find Michael, his head cradled in his hands.

" Michael," I murmur and I watch as his head comes up and a ghost of a smile comes to his face, as he crosses the room.

" The police left just a few minutes ago," Michael says as he sits next to me, his hand coming up to cup my face, and he brushes his thumb under my eye, " Their going to have people, camping around Neverland. I've stepped up security. Neither of us will be anywhere at anytime without each other and an escort. Their going to find this person Brooke. I promise."

" Those," I say my voice shaking, " Those, those pictures were taken by who shot Blake, weren't they? No one else would have those pictures Michael."

" I know baby," he says and I break down. Hot tears falling down my face as I realize the weight of the situation that I seem to find myself in. Whoever shot Blake had a plan all along. Whoever killed him, has every intention of driving me to my breaking point. And the scary part is, they just may succeed.


	20. Chapter 20: Tired

**Author's Note: Well here it is Chapter Twenty :) Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I am so glad that you all enjoyed the last chapter. Anyways, as always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 20: Tired**

_" It hurts too much. But maybe the pain is just the reminder I need to remind myself that I'm actually alive."_

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I browse through the racks of clothes in Burberry, watching as Liv scrutinizes over a short navy colored military style pea coat, and I cant help but cringe. I'm thankful. Thankful that Liv somehow managed to convince Michael to allow me out of the house, and away from him for the two and a half hour trip to the Beverly Center Mall. But as thankful as I am, it doesn't change the fact that everywhere we go, there is a constant shadow following behind us. Today it's Marcus. A twenty four year old rookie with a pregnant wife at home, who looks like he belongs bouncing at a club more than he does standing in the corner of Burberry. I cast a glance over my shoulder, catching Marcus's eye before he smiles lightly, turning his head scanning the steady flow of patrons who walk by the doors of the store.

" Brooke, what do you think?" Liv asks and I turn to look at her, smiling when she tugs softly at the bottom of the coat trying to straighten it out.

" It looks fine," I say nonchalantly, and her answering huff and quick removal of the garment has me growing concerned, " Liv, what is wrong with you?"

" Nothing, its just," she says her voice growing careful, " It took a lot of begging on my part, and promises to Michael, to get you out of the house, and you seem like you're a million miles away. Like you don't even care."

" Liv of course I care. I thanked you half a million times on the drive out here, I just," I murmur, shrugging my shoulder lightly, " For the last month I have either been glued to Michael's hip, or kept in the house, or shadowed by a different guard every single day. I want just a moment, one moment to just be me again."

" I know Brookey-bee, but this is how it has to be for a while, just until," she trails off and I nod my head showing her that she doesn't have to finish the thought. Because she doesn't. This is what my life is going to be like until whoever has been tormenting me is caught. I'm just afraid that, that is never going to happen. That this is how the rest of my life is going to be.

" What do you say I buy you that beautiful jacket and then we go have some dinner, my treat," I say smiling at her, and I watch as a smile spreads over her face, lighting her up as she hands me the coat.

" Well, if you insist," she says and I laugh shaking my head as I head for the register. It's the least I can do, she did get me out of the house after all.

* * *

I walk arm in arm from the Beverly Center Mall with Olivia, content. Or as close to content as I can get knowing that if I were to just cast a glimpse over my shoulder Marcus would be there, a few feet behind us.

" This was fun," Liv says her happy voice breaking through my dark thoughts and I nod my head.

" It really was," I murmur, enjoying the cool night air, " Its just what I needed."

" And tomorrow you meet with the wedding planner, how exciting is that?" she asks and this time the smile I wear isn't forced. It is exciting. The thought of meeting with the wedding planner, getting things started. Sure its not going to be a long engagement. What with it being April all ready, and Michael and I wanting to get married the first weekend of October, when the leaves are changing, and its still somewhat warm outside.

" I know, I cant wait," I say giggling when I open the trunk of the car so that we can stash away our gifts, but when I look up to smile at Liv I see the look of horror on her face, " Liv, what is it?" I follow her eyes and see what has her frozen in fear. The pictures cover the inside of my car, red paint dripping over the seats. Dozens of photos of Blake, a red bulls eye painted on his chest. I step back dropping my purse with a soft thud to the concrete and Marcus grabs me as I sway, everything growing dim and then overly bright.

" Brooke," Marcus says, his deep voice barely breaking through the noise of my heart beating in my chest, " You need to sit down." I let him lead me away from the car, and I don't protest when he forces my head between my knees.

I feel Liv's hand on my back, stroking soothingly up and down as Marcus' voice buzzes dully in my ear. I try to take a deep breath but every time I do I grow nauseous, and fight the urge to throw up.

" Michael's on his way, I'm going to get you both to Brooke's house," Marcus says snapping his phone shut.

" What about my car?" I ask looking up at him, his face set in hard lines.

" We're going to have it towed to L.A.P.D impound, have forensics go over it and try to find any sort of evidence," he says gruffly holding a hand out to me. I take it, getting to my feet shakily trying to steel myself from what I saw. Commanding my legs to move without shaking. I feel his strong arm around my waist, guiding me to his dark SUV. I climb in, clinging to Liv when she gets in next to me, and I break down, burying my head into her shoulder letting my emotions have free reign.

* * *

I climb out of the car, staring at the front door of my house. The house that Blake and I had bought together. The house that was supposed to be my new start. The house that had so many promises wrapped up in it, only for all of those things to be ripped away by some nameless faceless entity. I wrap my arms tightly around myself, staring straight ahead as I rock on my feet. The last time I had been here had been the night Michael and I were us again for the first time. The night Olivia married Caleb. The night I got shot and almost bled to death in the passenger seat of my car.

I stand frozen, staring at the front door, unable to move, or to think about anything besides the fact that this isn't my home anymore. Somebody saw to that. Somebody saw to it that I wouldn't have Blake anymore, or my home, my life, my sanity. I feel the prickle of hot tears forming in my eyes. Only they aren't tears of sadness or woe, no these are tears of anger. Rage. I can feel the trembling starting, my muscles twitching under my skin in response to the flood of emotion coursing through me.

" Brooke, you need to go into the house," Marcus says and I shake my head fiercely, my eyes trained to the door, " Brooke you cant stand outside all night."

" I am sick to death of you people telling me what to do and when to do it. I will go into the house when I am fuc…"

" Brooke! That's enough, its not his fault," Liv chastises me, cutting off the stream of obscenities that threaten to spill from my lips.

" I am tired of this Olivia. I'm done!" I scream throwing my arms out in frustration, " I am tired of being afraid, afraid of my own shadow, or every noise I hear in the dark. Afraid that when I open the door there is going to be another damn package. I am tired of all of this Olivia! I just want it to be done."

" I know, okay, I know," she says but her calming voice just seems to drive my anxiety and anger to a whole new level.

" But you don't know! You don't know what its like. You don't have the nightmares," I scream louder, " You don't know! Nobody knows what its like. To be constantly watched over, or to have people whispering around you, looking at you like at any minute your going to snap. You have no idea what this is like."

I fall to my knees on the brick drive way, shuddering from the tears and anger, rocking back and forth as I wrap my arms tightly around myself, trying to find some sort of comfort. Relief. I tense up slightly when I feel strong arms come around me, cradling me. I close my eyes tightly trying to find some way to escape.

* * *

I lay on one of my leather couches, curled up on my side, a cup of tea in my hands as I try to think past the numbness that seems to have taken me over. I watch as the steam curls off the top of the mug, and I blink slowly, brushing the palm of my hand over my cheek, wiping away what seems like an endless torrent of tears that I cant just stop.

" Your wrong you know," a shaky voice calls from the doorway and I look over, Olivia's face swimming into view. She approaches slowly, my favorite pink checkered blanket in her hands, and she silently, carefully places the blanket around me. " I do know what its like. I may not know directly, but I know a little something about how your feeling. Every night, I go to sleep, and if my phone rings in the middle of the night my heart stops beating for just a second. Because I'm terrified that its going to be Michael, or a doctor telling me that you've been hurt, or worse, that your gone. I have nightmares too Brooke. Of a life without you. I cant live that kind of life. I wont live that kind of life."

" Liv, I'm sorry," I whisper taking her hand, " I shouldn't have acted that way. I just, I feel so trapped. I mean, I'm getting married Liv. I should be concerned with flowers and colors, and instead I cant. I feel. I feel guilty."

" Guilty? For what?" she asks looking at me with confusion in her eyes.

I lean forward setting my mug down before pulling my knees to my chest trying to find the right way to say what I'm feeling.

" I was with Blake for six months. I was in love with him. He, somehow, took away the ache that Michael left inside of me. But in those six months I couldn't fully give myself to him Liv. Not the way I gave myself to Michael. And I cant help but wonder. Did I know? On some unknown level of my mind or heart did I know that Blake wasn't going to be here forever? Or that I wasn't ever going to be able to be anyone's but Michael's? I feel guilty because I know what people are going to think. I know what they are going to say. Did I truly love Blake Liv?" I ask my voice growing thick.

" I wish I could answer that for you Brooke. All I can tell you is what I think," she says, brushing the hair from my face, " I think you loved Blake the best that you could, just like he loved you the best that he could. And I like to believe that wherever Blake is, he's watching you and he's happy, and he's at peace knowing that his Brooke is okay, and loved."

I sigh heavily, laying my head against her shoulder closing my eyes slowly.

" When did things become so complicated?" I ask finding comfort in this moment.

" I don't know, when we grew up I guess," she whispers, and we settle into the silence.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I slam the door to the car and race up the front steps of Brooke's house, pushing the door open quickly and coming face to face with Marcus.

" Where is she? Is she all right?" I ask nearly breathless.

" She's fine," Marcus answers leading me towards the kitchen, " She's asleep. I've been getting updates from the crime lab. They haven't found anything yet. Not a damn thing. Whoever did this, sure knew how to cover their tracks. I've talked to mall security and they will be sending over the surveillance tapes from the parking lot."

I brace my hands against the counter trying to comprehend everything being told to me, instead all I can think about is Brooke. My fingers itch to touch her, to determine for myself that she is in fact okay.

" If I'm not over stepping any boundaries I would suggest getting both of you back to Neverland as quickly as possible. Security is better there," he says and I nod my head in agreement. I turn to leave and find Brooke, only to find Olivia in the doorway, her eyes tired.

" Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Olivia asks and I incline my head following her from the kitchen.

I step into Brooke's abandoned bedroom, and watch as Olivia shuts the door quietly behind her, and she presses her back to the door, her hand coming up to cup her throat, a look of distress on her face.

" I'm scared," she confesses quickly, " Scared for Brooke. She had a meltdown Michael. I'm talking thermal nuclear meltdown. I don't. I don't know how much more of this she can take."

" Liv, honey," I murmur taking her into my arms, cradling her against me as her body wracks with sobs, " She's going to be okay. We're all going to be okay."

" Promise me Michael, promise me that no matter what happens, you will do anything, everything that you can to keep her safe. She's my best friend. I cant. I cant imagine a life without her."

" I promise you, whatever it takes I will keep her safe," I say hugging her tightly. I have every intention of keeping that promise. Even if it kills me.

I sit on the corner of the coffee table. Watching Brooke as she sleeps, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Her eyes move slightly, a small flicker of movement. And my heart fills. Bursting with a love that seems unfathomable. I cant figure it out. And maybe I shouldn't try and figure it out. Love is love. I reach out, brushing a lock of her dark hair from her face, my finger trailing down her cheek and I cant help but smile when she turns her face into my palm, her eyes blinking open slowly.

" Mmm, Michael," Brooke whispers her eyes slightly hazed over from sleep, " Missed you."

" I missed you too baby," I say kneeling next to her pressing a kiss to her forehead.

" Can we go home now?" she asks and I nod my head taking a moment to breathe her in before helping her to her feet and leading her from the room.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I sit in the car, a strange sense of déjà vu coming over me as I watch Michael close the door for me, and he walks slowly around the front climbing in next to me. I turn my head back to the house, my heart breaking slowly as I realize that this isn't my house anymore. Its not my home. Evil has seen to that.


	21. Chapter 21: Words Will Always Hurt Me

**Author's Note: Hey ya'll well, here we are chapter 21 :) So as some of you may know, and some of you may not know, I dont know, but I post this story and other stories on an MJ site and I have gotten some very interesting guesses as to who 'crazy psycho stalker' is, so just out of curiosity I would love to know who you all think that it is. So please feel free to leave your guesses in your reviews. Anyways, I hope that you all enjoy this chapter :) As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 21: Words Will Always Hurt Me**

" _Sticks and stones may break my bones…but words. Words will damn near kill me."_

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Time seems to be melting away quickly. Everyday filled with one thing or another. Whether its hours spent in Michael's studio, or hours spent scrutinizing over wedding details with Olivia. Movie nights wrapped around Michael, or days spent in the library buried in his seemingly endless collection of books. Which is where I find myself today. Out of the mid August heat, with a glass of sweet tea and Jane Eyre to pass the time.

Though the nights are ours, for the most part Michael has been busy. Publicity for his album, signings here, there, and everywhere. While I'm left with guards and workers. Sure Olivia comes, often, but it doesn't help to melt away the ache that is left when Michael is gone.

I stare at the page, words jumbling together, and with a frustrated sigh I close the book, setting it beside me. Maybe today just isn't a day for reading. I draw my knee's up to my chest, and stare out of the large open window, laying my head on my hands.

The silence is unsettling. A big house like this should be alive with noise. Like all the times Michael's brothers would be here, and the water wars that would begin outside and somehow find their way inside. Or the movie nights with Janet, where we'd pile mountains of blankets into the theatre and watch any and every chick flick we had handy, while simultaneously making ourselves sick with sweets. Those were the days. When everything was simple. When Michael and I were still circling around each other, both of us unsure of what we wanted. Maybe that isn't the right way to phrase it. We were unsure of how to get what we both wanted.

I shake my head lightly when I hear someone clear their voice from the doorway and turn my head, slightly shocked to find none other than Michael's father, Joseph standing, one hand buried in his pocket with a look of slight disgust on his face. I fight the urge to roll my eyes, before turning back to look out of the window. Of all people to show up when Michael isn't around, it has to be him. Just my damn luck.

" You sure made yourself at home with my son didn't you girl?" Joseph's voice growls out, falling over me in some sort of sick blanket that I wish I could shake off. I ignore him. Because as good as yelling and putting Joseph Jackson in his place feels, and I've done it twice so it feels really good, it isn't worth the worry that it will undoubtedly cause Michael.

I twitch uncomfortably when he sits next to me, and I scoot myself as far over in the corner as I can.

" Before you, Michael was focused. Michael knew that family was all that mattered. You ruined that. Ruined him with your little lost wounded girl act," he says slowly, his voice menacing, my heart raps harshly against my ribs despite how hard I fight to slow it down, to let his words roll off of me, " I watched the agony my son was in after you left. But then he had Tatiana. And Tatiana was good for him Tatiana and Michael fit. Perfectly. But you just had to come back didn't you?"

" I toured with him Joseph, I couldn't not go on tour. I was legally bound," I whisper, hating the fact that this man can make me feel so insignificant.

" But that wasn't enough for you was it? You had to draw him back in, tease him. But when Michael married Tatiana, I thought he was done with you for good. But then you had to go and get your boyfriend killed didn't you?" he asks coldly, and hot tears of guilt start prickling at my eyes, " Have my son dodging bullets for the likes of you. Your nothing Brooke. Nothing but a sad, side project that Michael cant seem to shake. I will tell you one thing, over my dead body will my son marry you. Your no good." I watch as he gets to his feet, my eyes slightly cloudy and I lean away turning my head when he bends down, his lips right next to my ear. " It really is a shame that boy didn't finish you off back home, everyone would be better off without you. Especially Michael."

* * *

I sit in shock, the sound of Joseph's footsteps echoing inside of my head almost as loudly as his words. I get to my feet, swaying and shaking, and make my way from the library. I notice Marcus, sitting on the bottom of the stairs, his cell phone in his hand, and he looks up at me a smile on his face that slowly fades away.

" Brooke, what's wrong?" Marcus asks, and I shake my head trying to come up with a nonchalant answer.

" I just," I murmur, " I'm not feeling well. I'm going to lay down," I say, walking past him, taking the stairs two at a time. I swing into the room I share with Michael, closing the door and pressing my back to the wood, my chest heaving. I sink to the floor, dropping my face into my palms and I cry. There's nothing else I can do.

I stare at my phone. Michael's words swimming in and out of focus_. ' Meeting is going to run really late. Miss you like crazy.' _I slide my phone shut, and stare at the bedroom. My pink duffel bag hitched over my shoulder as I open the door. One thing I've learned over the months is that for a short window of time, every guard is stationed in the pool house, which for the time being has been converted into a temporary head quarters where, for exactly twenty eight minutes the guards getting off duty fill in the guards going on duty. So what I have to do has to be done in twenty eight minutes.

I take just a moment longer, to stare at the room. To draw in the energy of Michael, placing it in my heart. I open the door slowly, and when I see that the coast is clear I step from the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I creep down the stairs, my hand running down the banister and I don't stop myself from letting my hands wander over everything else that comes into sight. I want to soak it in, soak everything in. The feel, the color. I open the front door and with a final glance backward, through tear clouded eyes I step out into the summer night.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I lay my head against the window of the car, rubbing at my temple. That had to be, single handedly the longest meeting that I have ever attended. Or perhaps, it wasn't so much that the meeting ran long as it it's the fact that Brooke wasn't there, that has me so utterly and furiously restless.

" You all right there Mike?" Max asks and I turn to look at him, and nod my head slowly.

" Just tired," I say, and his answering smirk has me smiling myself.

" You sure your tired? And not love sick?" he asks, and I laugh slightly, " Because let me tell you boss, Brooke is definitely worth being love sick over."

" Tell me about it," I say, sighing slightly, " I cant help but feel bad though."

" Feel bad? For what?' he asks turning the stereo low so that it offers nothing but a soft buzzing noise.

" She's restless Max. Really restless. I can feel it. She isn't happy. She isn't used to this. I've been dealing with guards and constant people surrounding me for almost as long as I can remember, and I take that for granted. Having people around that much has become as second nature to me as breathing. But not for Brooke. I just wish that there was something I can do, something to lift her spirits," I say adjusting myself in the seat trying to find a comfortable position.

" So do something spontaneous. Take a trip with her, or if your still not sure about leaving the house, give the guards a night off, post only some out at the gates, let her have free reign over the house, go where she wants without a constant shadow," he offers and I let his words sink in, rolling them over in my head.

" Mmm, maybe," I whisper, closing my eyes slowly drifting into a sleep that I didn't realize I needed.

* * *

I open the front door, finding comfort in the cool air, and I smile lightly when I smell Brooke's perfume dancing lightly in the air, greeting me.

" Brooke," I call out, walking straight to the library. The one room that she seems to have been frequenting a lot lately, and when I find it empty a sick ball of worry starts forming in my stomach, " Brooke!" I race up the stairs, and push open the bedroom door, finding it empty also.

I walk towards the bathroom, hoping that perhaps she's taking a shower, but when I get to the door way I find it dark and unused. My heart starts skittering in my chest as I search the room. The bed is still made, everything in place, and its then that I see something shining on the dresser. I walk slowly, and as I get closer I see the undeniable shape of Brooke's engagement ring, a piece of paper folded underneath it.

With a shaking hand I lift the paper and open it, Brooke's handwriting jumping out at me.

'_Michael, _

_I know that this isn't the right way to go about this. But I've been thinking. Seems that thinking is all that I can do nowadays. And I've come to realize something. I have been incredibly selfish. Selfish when it comes to you. You deserve so much better than me Michael. You deserve someone who wont bring so much drama into your life. You have enough of it on your own. _

_I know that when we first met you must have looked at me as someone to be fixed. But the truth is this, I'm in fact unfixable. The damage was done years ago, and it will only continue to get worse. But you don't have to be a part of it. You don't have to be a part of it because I love you too much to watch you be dragged down with me. _

_You have been nothing but amazing. And my life has been made a million times better with you in it, but when I think of everything that's happened I cant, in any way, stand by and watch you go through this hell with me. _

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we didn't meet at a different time. Sorry that we couldn't have that happy ending. Because I really wanted that happy ending. I love you Michael. I love you and that's why I'm doing this. _

_Find happiness Michael. Because you deserve it._

_Love, _

_Brooke.' _

_

* * *

_

The paper flutters from my shaking fingers as I sit on the edge of my bed, my heart shattering inside of me. I close my eyes quickly, before opening them again panic and urgency coursing through me as I race through the house.

" Max," I call out racing into the kitchen.

" Whoa, slow down, where's the fire?" Max asks setting his water bottle down on the counter.

" Brooke's gone," I pant breathlessly, grasping the counter.

" What do you mean gone?" he demands, and I groan in frustration.

" She's gone, she left a note and her ring, she's gone," I yell, throwing my hands in the air, " I need to talk to all the guards who were on earlier. Something happened. Something had to have happened for her to just leave this way."

" I'm on it," he says striding from the kitchen and I'm left alone. Just me and the silence.

* * *

I pace my office, my head throbbing viciously and I jump slightly when someone knocks on the door.

" Marcus is here," Max says and I nod my head letting him know to let him in. Every other guard seemingly knew of nothing that would cause Brooke to leave. But if anyone would know anything it would be Marcus. After the incident four months ago, him and Brooke have grown close. So he would know. He'd have to know.

" Mr. Jackson," Marcus says stepping into the office, a pained expression on his face.

" Close the door," I say, and I watch as he closes the door before turning to look back at me with anxious eyes, " Brooke has seemingly disappeared and nobody else seems to know what happened, so I need to know. Did anything happen while I was gone? Did she says anything to you? Seem even the slightest bit off?"

" I saw her for only a short time this afternoon, she was in the library," Marcus says, and he fidgets madly with the hat in his hands, " Mr. Jackson, you should know your father was here earlier. He went into the library, but was only in there for ten minutes, if that. It was after that, that I saw Brooke. She looked bad. She was pale, and I could tell something was wrong, but when I asked her what was wrong she said she wasn't feeling well, that she was going to lay down."

" Joseph," I mutter everything falling into place in my head. Of course. Leave it to my father. " Who the hell let him in?" I roar Marcus jumping slightly.

" I, I don't know Sir. I was in the house the whole time," he says and I quickly shift my anger from Marcus. It wasn't his fault that my father is an incessant interloper who finds no greater pleasure than to ruin anything and everything beautiful in his children's life.

" Of course, thank you Marcus," I say waving my hand at him in dismissal as I pick up the phone from my desk, dialing Olivia's number.

" Sir," Marcus calls from the door, and I look up at him as the phone rings in my ear, " For what its worth. I think she'll come back." I nod my head lightly, praying silently that he's right.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I stare up at Olivia's house, my throat growing thick. By now Michael's home, and he's gotten my note, and beyond a shadow of a doubt I know that he's crawling the walls, driving himself insane with worry. Worry that I caused. Again. I push out of the car, hitching my duffel bag over my shoulder and I walk slowly towards the front door.

I stare numbly at the door, trying to drum up the energy to knock, and with everything inside of my I lift my hand only to have the door swing open, Caleb almost running me over.

" Brooke!" Caleb calls loudly, grabbing me into a tight hug, and before I can react he pulls me into the house slamming the door behind us. " What in the hell do you think your doing? Sneaking off that way? Leaving Michael some sort of _'Dear John'_ letter?"

I open my mouth to answer him, but instead a broken and ragged sob rips from my chest and Caleb gathers me close walking me to the living room and sitting me down on the couch. I cry harshly into my hands, Caleb and Olivia soothing me with your silent comfort and finally the tears start subsiding.

" Okay, why don't you tell us what happened?" Olivia says, offering me a tissue and I stare at her dumbly shrugging my shoulders.

" Joseph," I croak out, " Joseph's what happened. He came by the ranch today. And he said, he said," I cant go any further than that, the words choking me along with another wave of tears that I cant seem to stem.

" Okay, okay," Olivia says, " We don't have to talk about it now. Why don't we get you into bed, you look exhausted." I don't protest when Caleb lifts me in his arms and carries me to the guest room, laying me down on the bed. He brushes a soft kiss to my forehead and leaves Olivia and I together.

" I wont push you to tell me what happened right now," she says, pulling the blankets over me, " But you know Michael will be here for you. I will hold him off as long as I can, but you cant run from him forever. Good night Brooke." The lights click off and when its just me and the darkness I realize that's what I'm most afraid of. I cant run forever. And that in and of itself is terror incarnate.


	22. Chapter 22: Do You Trust Me?

**Author's Note: Hey Ya'll. Well here's another chapter. Thank you to everyone for your reviews, and guesses as to who crazy psycho stalker is. Wish I could tell you guys who it really is...but where's the fun in that? Ya'll will just have to enjoy the ride :) Anyways, onto chapter twenty two. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 22: Do You Trust Me?**

_" I trust you with my life, my heart, and my soul."-Anonymous._

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The sun light filters into the bedroom, and I stretch slowly, trying to work the kink out of my neck. It was a restless night. I gave up on the idea of sleep almost as soon as Olivia shut the door behind her and left me alone with the darkness and my thoughts. And it was the darkness and the thoughts that had me up all night.

I stare at my surroundings, the files that I had taken from Michael's office having to deal with all of this mess. The police report from Blake's death, copies of every note and photograph left for me, Michael's own musings and thoughts. All of it, surrounding me. And in a spiral notebook is a list.

A list of every person in my life. A painstakingly broken down list of anyone who would have something to gain from doing this. Even Olivia made it on the list. As much as it hurts me to see her name printed in my own handwriting it had to be done. I mean, she was a fan of Michael's even when I wasn't. So perhaps, jealousy got the best of her. I shake my head as I rip her page from the notebook, and with a renewed anger I ball it up and throw into the wastebasket. Olivia wouldn't have done this. We've been through far too much. Besides, Olivia just doesn't have a psychotic bone in her body.

Tatiana. Her name is next. And yes, she has a lot to gain with me out of the way. After all, she's been in love with Michael most of her life, and she had him, only he was in love with me, and she came in second place. But would Tatiana, the girl who helped me cover the bruises and find some sense of understanding, really be the one stalking me? Really be the one who would have taken Blake's life? I doubt it.

I groan in frustration, pushing everything away from me as the anger and confusion just continues building inside of me, until I am tearing everything apart. Everything. Everything I can get my hands on. I tear paper, barely noticing when my skin screams from the paper cuts, barely noticing that my face is wet from tears that I cant nor want to control.

" Brooke, Brooke!" Olivia's shocked voice comes from the doorway of the room and I stop, dropping the papers from my hands to stare at her, my chest heaving, " What. What are you doing? What is all this?"

" This? This is my life," I scream shoving files off the dresser, " This. This is what its come too. To files, and numbers. Do you know I was up all night last night making a list? Me, making lists? I was making a list of people who would want to do this to me. Who would have something to gain from making me go completely and utterly insane before killing me. I put you on the list Olivia! Can you believe that? That I would put you on the list."

" Me?" she asks looking only slightly hurt by the thought of making it on the infamous list.

" Yes, you. I. I'm going insane Liv. Plain and simple. Insane. I'm twenty two. And up until yesterday, I was planning a wedding. I've been on tour. I've seen things and places I thought I would never see. And all of that, all of the things that I should be focused on are being blocked out by all of this. And then yesterday. Yesterday. Joseph showed up and he said things. Horrible things. About how I'm ruining Michael's life, and I'm nothing. That Michael and Tatiana made a better match than Michael and I ever could. How it will be over his dead body that he see's Michael marry me. How. How." my words trail off as I grasp the edge of the dresser, realizing that the tightness in my chest just isn't going away. I gasp, trying my hardest to get air into my lungs, but my body feels like its on fire from the inside out.

" Brooke," Olivia's worried voice breaks through the haze and I slide to the floor, dropping my head between my knee's.

" He said it was a shame that the guy back home didn't finish me off when he had the chance. That everyone would be better off without me. Maybe he's right," I murmur finally feeling some relief as the tightness in my chest seems to dissipate.

" Brooke," Olivia murmurs, dropping down so that she's kneeling in front of me, " Joseph is a fool. He has no idea, he is completely clueless as to what is really going on. If he could see past his ego, he would see that you," she trails off when there is a soft tapping on the door.

I lift my swimming head slowly, and a whole new wave of anxiety washes over me when I see Michael. I take him in. His hair is tied back in a ponytail, a few wild curls falling into his eyes. And his clothes are wrinkled, his black shirt only buttoned half way up. Proof that he must have slept in his clothes. Only dark circles bloom under his eyes and its with that realization that a whole new wave of guilt washes over me.

" I will leave you two alone, you have a lot to talk about," she murmurs, and I watch as she walks away, pausing only slightly to run an encouraging hand down Michael's arm before shutting the door quietly behind her.

* * *

I stare at Michael. His hands stuffed in his pockets as he stares at me. I fight the urge to squirm under his appraising eyes. I drag myself to my feet, sitting to on the edge of the bed, wrapping my arms around myself.

" Marcus told me that my Father dropped by yesterday," Michael says softly and I cringe at the memory of it, " Brooke, I'm sorry." I let out a sound of agonized frustration when he lays a hand on my shoulder and I shake it off getting to my feet.

" Will you stop apologizing for him. Your Father's an ass Michael, I knew this all ready," I say pacing the bedroom.

" Then why did you leave? Why did you let him get to you?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders taking a deep breath.

" Because as much of an ass as your Father is Michael, he was right," I say coolly, trying to make the words sound convincing, " I'm unfixable. I have a laundry list of issues, a crazy psycho stalker, and not to mention, I'm nobody. I will always be nobody Michael."

" You don't get it do you?" he demands brutally and I jump back slightly caught off guard by his sudden flash of anger. " Your everything! You're the reason I wake up everyday, and you're the reason why I go to sleep every night. You're the reason that I breathe. You are everything Brooke. Your it for me. And to be completely and utterly honest with you it hurts me, no it infuriates me that you don't trust in me enough to realize this for yourself!"

I stare at Michael, my heart beating dully against my ribs. How much I want to believe the words that he just said to me. To revel in them. To let them replace Joseph's words of hatred. To let them replace my own self doubt. But I cant.

" Michael," I murmur, shaking my head when he steps towards me, cupping my face between his wide palms, " Please. This is hard enough."

" When are you going to get it Brooke? I am here. I'm not going anywhere do you understand that? I lost you once and I will not lose you again," he says laying his forehead against mine, " I told you once I would wait a lifetime for you and I meant it. Please, don't make me wait."

" Michael, I" my words trail off when he presses his lips to mine, and I sink in his warmth. I close my eyes, clutching onto his shirt as the kiss becomes feverish. He breaks the kiss, his dark eyes peering into mine.

" Do you trust me?" he asks breathlessly and I blink owlishly at him.

" Yes," I stammer nodding my head.

" Good. Then I have a plan," he says, and I take his hand letting him lead me from the room.

* * *

Four hours later I sit in the Venetian Penthouse in Las Vegas, Olivia talking on the phone behind me. When Michael said he had a plan, I never imagined that his plan was for us to fly to Vegas, call only our closest family and friends and invite them to our wedding. The wedding that wasn't supposed to happen for another month and a half.

This is insanity. Plane and simple. Insanity in its finest. I groan turning around when Olivia snaps her phone shut.

" All right that's that. Your Mom, and my parents will be on the red eye tonight," Olivia says talking quickly as she hands me a stack of papers, " And you have exactly three hours to pick out flower arrangements, and your photo package. I have sixteen hours to finish your dress, so I will be in the next room. Do not let anyone, and I mean anyone bother me unless it's a life and death situation. Oh and be sure to have a lot of caffeine on stand by." I watch as my best friend leaves the room in a flurry of motion, and I can barely squeak out after her.

This is happening fast. Too fast. I stare at the pictures of arrangements, my heart thundering in my chest so loudly that I can hear it in my ears. They are all beautiful. Very beautiful. Why is this so hard? I push the pictures away from me, laying my head against the table. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Granted I wasn't one of the girls that dreamt about their wedding from the time they were in the sandbox, but this just wasn't how I imagined it.

" Brooke? You all right?" A calm voice asks from the doorway and I look up, finding Caleb standing against the wall, a look of concern on his face.

" No," I say pushing the heels of my hands to my eyes shaking my head back and forth in frustration.

" What's wrong?" he asks handing me a cup of coffee, and I groan lightly.

" Everything. This isn't how I imagined this Caleb," I say before taking a cautious sip from the cup.

" How you imagined what?" he asks and I growl out, even more frustrated that he doesn't seem to understand what it is that I'm trying to say to him.

" My wedding Caleb, good grief. Keep up will you?" I spit out, causing him to throw his hands up, palms out.

" You know what you need? A break. Come. Take a walk with me," he says grabbing my hand in his, dragging me from my chair before I can protest.

" Caleb, I cant. I have flower arrangements to pick out, and photo packages to decide on," I say trying to snatch my hand back from him.

" No. What you need is a little time. We'll take a walk. Maybe get some ice cream. Let you clear your head. Think of it as your, impromptu bachelorette party," he says and I giggle finally giving in when he leads me from the room. He's right. I need a little time.

* * *

I walk arm in arm with Caleb, enjoying the sights and sounds that the Las Vegas strip offers me. It doesn't go unnoticed when people stop and take pictures of me, and I try my best to be courteous and to smile, but maybe it's the incessant heat at almost nine at night that has me feeling so on edge.

We step into an ice cream shop, and I press my back to the cool marble wall, enjoying the feel of it on my skin.

" What do you want?" Caleb asks, and I smile closing my eyes slowly.

" Mmm, double scoop of mint chocolate chip in a sugar cone, ooo with the rainbow sprinkles," I say giggling when he rolls his eyes at me, " What? I like my ice cream."

" So I can see," he says nudging me playfully with his hip, " Why don't you grab that table back there," he says nodding his head.

" Okay," I say making my way to the back of the shop. I sit, staring out of the window watching as people walk by, everyone so seemingly different and yet the same. Couples strolling by hand in hand, a few people stumbling in the streets proof of far too much fun in Sin City. I lose myself in watching the sea of people and jump slightly when there is a small tug on the sleeve of my shirt. I turn my head, seeing a small girl, maybe ten years old, her eyes wide and shining.

" Excuse me, can I have your autograph?" the little girl asks and I smile at her, as she holds a napkin and pen out to me.

" Of course," I say, not having to feign happiness, " What's your name?"

" Cora," she answers and I smile as I write a small note out to her, and sign my name.

" That's a beautiful name Cora," I say handing her the napkin and pen back.

" Can I have a picture too?" she asks and I smile nodding my head. I watch as her mother steps up and I smile, hugging the girl when the flash goes off, " My brother is over there. His name is Tommy and he's sixteen. He thinks your hot." I giggle softly and hug her once more.

" Tell him I said thank you, he's pretty cute too," I say and her soft laughter fills the air lifting the burden from my heart, " It was nice meeting you Cora."

" This is the best day of my life Mommy," the little girl says as she takes her mothers hand and they leave the shop.

" What was that all about?" Caleb asks handing me my ice cream cone.

" I just made someone's day the best of their life," I say smiling as I start to eat.

* * *

I walk back into the suite, feeling better. Feeling as if the weight that I had laid on myself was lifted and no more. I shut the door quietly behind me and turn, finding Michael standing in front of the window, one hand braced against the wall, and he takes my breath away.

His head is bent slightly, and I can tell by looking at him that he's watching the world pass by in the streets below. His shirt lays unbuttoned, his caramel colored skin gleaming, and its in this moment that I realize something I should have realized before. It doesn't matter where we get married, whose there, what's said about it. The flowers, pictures, all of those things will fade in time. What matters is that I love Michael, and Michael loves me. And we're getting married.

I blink my eyes slowly, tears of happiness starting to roll my down my face, and I lift my hand, wiping them away before I make my way towards Michael. I wrap my hands around him, stroking his skin softly as I rest my head against his shoulder.

" I missed you," Michael murmurs and I smile into his back reveling in him.

" I missed you more," I whisper, smiling when he turns, cupping my hips in his hands as I link my arms around his neck.

" You know Brooke, I rushed you here, to Vegas without even thinking. I know its fast, maybe a little too fast. If you don't want to do it this way, I'll understand," he says and I smile shaking my head. His compassion and understanding will always be far too much for me to understand.

" This is perfect Michael, nothing else matters. The flowers, the arrangements, all of it. It doesn't matter. What matters is that in less than twenty four hours I will be married to you. I'll belong to you Michael, forever," I say, kissing him, letting myself sink into him, into this moment.


	23. Chapter 23: Its Time

**Author's Note: Hey ya'll! I know that this chapter is kind of short, but its a filler chapter really. A necessary evil. I am all ready working on the next chapter as I type this haha. You all can thank my incessant insomnia for the flow of inspiration that I have been getting. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. Thank you all very much for your continued support and reviews! They mean more to me than you will ever know. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 23: Its Time**

_" Time. Time is all we have, and there never seems to be enough of it."-Anonymous._

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I wake slowly, turning to throw my arm over Michael, only my arm finds nothing but sheets and pillows. Cold sheets and pillows. I pop my head up, looking around and find that Michael is nowhere to be seen. My hand brushes a piece of paper and I pick it up, rolling over so that I can read it.

_Brooke, _

_I'm sorry that I left the bed. Believe me I didn't want to, but when Olivia came in at almost two this morning and found that I was with you she all but flipped her lid. Apparently your best friend is a big believer in the old wives tales. You know, how the groom isn't supposed to see the bride the day of the wedding. Something about bad luck. So she kicked me out. And normally I would have paid her no mind, only I have discovered a sleep deprived and over caffeinated Olivia is a scary thing. So I am in an undisclosed location ( I would love to tell you, but again Olivia scares me) and wont see you until your walking down the aisle. I miss you all ready. _

_Love, _

_Michael. _

I cant help but giggle as I fold the note and lay it on my chest. I should have figured that if anyone was going to kick Michael out of my bed on the morning of our wedding it would be my best friend. I stretch, my hands raised above my head, and nearly jump out of my skin when someone bursts into the room.

" Your still in bed?" a demanding voice asks and I sit up to find Olivia staring down at me, her hands on her hips.

" Uhm, good morning to you too," I say barely able to react when she pulls the blankets off of me and hauls me out of the bed.

" Don't good morning me. More like good afternoon. Do you have any idea how much stuff there is left to do? You mom and my parents are sight seeing with Max, but that's just for another few hours. We still have a spa appointment, then lunch, then we have to be back here by four to start getting dressed, and then its show time. Your getting married Brooke," she says as she follows me into the bathroom. I sigh heavily as I snap the water on in the shower.

" Yes Liv, I am well aware that I'm getting married today. Oh and thank you, by the way, for kicking Michael out of bed at two this morning," I say turning to look back at her, but my sarcasm drops away when I see big fat tears sliding down my best friends cheeks.

" Liv, what's the matter?" I ask wrapping her in a tight hug, " What happened?"

" Nothing. Its just. My best friends getting married," she cries harder clinging to me and I chuckle, an involuntary reaction to Liv's emotions, " And now your laughing at me."

" Honey I'm not laughing at you, I'm just. I don't know. Why are you crying?" I ask sitting with her on the bathroom floor as steam billows around us.

" It just. It seems like just yesterday that we moved to L.A. And you were still so broken, and now look at you. You're a recording artist, you've been on tour, you found a brother you didn't know you had, your in love, your getting married, and your going to be an aunt," she says and I nod my head smiling at her.

" I know, it does just seem like yesterday, wait hold on. Did you say Aunt? I'm going to be an Aunt?" I ask my voice squeaking as I stare at her wide eyed. She nods her head at me, and I throw my arms around her hugging her close as tears stream down my face, " How far along are you?"

" Twelve weeks," she says laughing as I press a tissue into her hands.

" Wow. I'm going to be an Aunt. Your going to be a Mom. This. This is the best wedding present ever," I say brushing a hand over her hair.

" You think so? Because I'm terrified," she admits and I smile patting her shoulder.

" I wouldn't know the feeling," I say getting to my feet, before helping her to her feet, " But I can guess that just about every girl, who finds out for the first time that they are going to be a Mom are terrified."

" Your right," she says, " Hey listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to steal any of your thunder, I just, I had to tell you."

" You didn't steal any of my thunder. Now why don't you go rest, and I will take a shower. I'm getting married," I say hugging her close before pushing her through the door. I shut the door behind her and smile. I'm getting married, and my best friend is going to have a baby. Today couldn't possibly get any better.

* * *

I sit in the suite, watching as Olivia gets her make up done, and my Mama flutters about, scrutinizing over my wedding gown.

" You did beautiful work Liv," Mama says, brushing a hand over her shoulder.

" Thank you," Liv says, blushing deeply, " It was a lot of hard work. I tell you, I will sleep for a week after tonight."

" She was up all night last night finishing the dress," I say taking the cup of tea that Mama holds out to me, " She's the greatest best friend a girl could ask for."

" Aww, don't start that," Liv says fanning her hand in front of her face blinking madly, " I don't want them to have to start all over again."

" Sorry, sorry, I was just saying," I say smiling at her before turning my head to see who is coming in the door. The breath catches in my throat when I see Katherine, Michael's mother walking in hand in hand with Janet.

" Katherine," I say, getting to my feet, walking across the room to hug her. I cant fight the tears, so I don't even try too.

" What's all this?" Katherine asks holding me at arms length, a small smile on her face.

" I. I didn't think you would come," I say, embarrassed by my emotions.

" Oh child," she murmurs, looking around the room, " I'm going to steal the bride for just a minute or two."

" Of course," Mama says hugging me close before handing me a tissue.

* * *

I walk slowly through the halls with Katherine by my side, silence falling over us. I link my hands in front of me, trying to hide the fact that they shake.

" You seemed genuinely surprised that I would be here," Katherine says finally breaking the quietness.

" I was, am, surprised that your here," I say cursing the fact that my voice shakes.

" May I ask why?" she asks motioning towards a bench and I sit, folding my hands in my lap.

" A couple days ago, Joseph came by the ranch. And he said, some things. I guess you could say that I assumed that the family shared his view on things," I say pressing the tissue to my eyes.

" Let me tell you something about Joseph Brooke. He's all bark and no bite. He likes the sense of control, and Michael has taken that from him. You helped him take it from him," she says and I look at her confused.

" What do you mean?" I ask, turning so that I am looking right at her.

" The night at the restaurant, when you put Joseph in his place. That helped push Michael to take the stand that he needed to take," she says, " I don't know what all Joseph said to you. But what I can tell you is that I don't feel the way he does, and neither does the family. We see what you've done for Michael. He's happy. Michael's always been lonely. Growing up in the industry can be a very isolating environment. He didn't get to do the normal things that children got to do. And I think he grew up resenting the fact that he couldn't just be normal. But when you came into the picture, you woke something up inside of him. You brought him his happiness Brooke. I have never seen two people more meant to be together in all of my life."

I let Katherine's words sink in, and smile when she hugs me warmly.

" Thank you Katherine," I say, " I needed to hear that more than I realized."

" Anytime Brooke, anytime," she says getting to her feet and we walk arm in arm back to the suite.

* * *

I stare at myself in the mirror, trying to remind myself to breathe. My hair is slicked back, pearl topped pins holding my hair in place. My make up is flawless. Dark eyeliner making my eyes stand out, deep red lipstick staining my lips.

" Brooke," Olivia's voice calls softly from behind me and I turn to see her, standing in her baby pink bridesmaid gown, a soft smile on her face, " Its time to get dressed."

I nod my head slowly, getting to my feet only to have her stop me before I can walk out of the room.

" Brooke, I want to say something to you. And I want to do it now, because I'm calm, and I know later at the reception I'm probably going to humiliate myself by crying like a baby. I am so proud of you Brookey-Bee. You have come so far, and you have struggled more than anyone I know. You are the best sister a girl could ask for and I love you," she says and I blink madly trying to stop the burning sensation that starts forming behind my eyes. I try to swallow the lump in my throat and when I cant I just smile shakily hugging her tightly. " Lets go get you married."

I stand in front of the floor length mirror, reveling in the feel of the wedding gown on my body. I run my hands slowly and lightly over the carefully hand stitched lace and try to hold back the tears that threaten to fall. I turn slowly picking up the dress so that everyone in the room can see.

I look over the faces, Liv, Mama, Katherine, Janet, all eyes on me and swimming. I let out a shaky breath, when Mama takes a step forward and slips my veil into place.

" You are stunning sweetheart," Mama whispers hugging me, " I am so proud of you, and I will always love you."

" Mama, I love you so much," I say holding onto her tightly.

" I know sweet girl," she says taking a step back.

" Brooke, its time," Caleb says from the door way and I feel only the slightest feeling of panic skitter up my spine. I take a deep breath, and take his hand. Its time.


	24. Chapter 24: Into Thin Air

**Author's Note: Woohoo two chapters in one morning. I am kicking Insomnia's butt :D Haha. Sorry feeling a little bit loopy at the moment. Not much to say, other than the song used in this chapter is Carrie Underwood's Mama's Song. NO copyright infringement intended whatsoever. Okay, now that that is out of the way, onto chapter twenty four! Hope you all enjoy it. As always Read/Enjoy/Review! **

**Chapter 24: Into Thin Air**

_" Love is all that matters. In the end."-Anonymous._

* * *

I stand next to Caleb, my body shaking as I try to shake off the nerves that course through me. I can see through the glass of the doors, into the Venetian courtyard, where thousands of lilies and roses surround the guests, vines wrapping around arch ways and gas lit torches light the night air.

My heart hammers against my chest as the doors are pulled open and my Mother is the first down the aisle, walking arm in arm with Katherine. Behind her is Olivia, walking arm in with Jermain, Michael's best man. Which leaves just me and Caleb to walk down the aisle. My hands shake, and I try to stop them, fearing that I will do something embarrassing, like drop my cascade bouquet of champagne colored roses.

" You okay?" Caleb whispers, and I nod my head slowly, jumping slightly when the music starts.

The sound of violins weep through the air as I start down the aisle, and everything else falls away once I see Michael. Every step I take he becomes clearer and clearer. He stands, his hand linked in front of him, his dark hair pulled in a low ponytail, just how I like it. He's dressed in a black tuxedo, and the breath catches in my throat by how devastatingly gorgeous he is. His eyes shine in the mixture of moonlight and candles. Caleb passes me off to Michael, brushing a soft kiss to my cheek before standing next to Jermain.

" I missed you," Michael whispers and I smile looking down at our linked hands.

" I missed you more," I whisper back smiling as we turn together to face the reverend.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I pace the room wildly, my hands jammed in my pockets as I fight the urge to ask for the millionth time if its time yet. Being kicked out of bed at two this morning put me in a mood, and I itched to see Brooke. To just drink her in.

" Michael, your going to pace a hole in the floor if you don't calm down," Jermain calls to me and I groan turning to watch him as he finishes buttoning his shirt.

" I cant help it," I grumble, " Is it time yet?"

" We still have fifteen minutes," he answers, sliding his jacket on, " Are you sure about this Mike? I mean, I like Brooke don't get me wrong. But you were just divorced what a few months ago?"

" Yes I'm sure. Brooke, Brooke's it for me Jermain. The way she makes me feel," I say patting my over my heart, " I cannot even explain it."

" All right, that's what I needed to hear," he says, handing me my jacket. I put it on slowly, and nearly jump when the door slides open and Max comes in.

" We can head down now," Max says grinning at me.

" Thank God," I say letting out a breath fallowing them out of the room.

I stand in front of small sea of people, smiling at my siblings as they sit in the first row of chairs to my left, snapping pictures and whispering amongst themselves. Of course I notice one chair is empty, Josephs. And I try to stop the small stab of disappointment that courses through me. Of course he wouldn't come. Not that I really wanted him here to make a skeptical of things. But still, it would be nice to have his support, for once. With something that doesn't have to do with the industry.

I push the thought from my head when I hear the music start, and I watch as Mother, and Brooke's Mother walk down the aisle together. I smile at them both, my heart beating quicker as I see Olivia and Jermain walking towards me, exchanging a hug at the end of the aisle before separating. And then the music changes. A soft, almost haunting melody dancing in the air as Brooke and Caleb come towards me. My pulse thrums in my throat when they finally stop right in front of me.

I drink her in. Brooke. My Brooke. Her dark hair slicked back into a tight bun, the veil she wears dancing against her bare shoulders. Her wedding gown is snug, showing off her amazing curves, and I feel a jolt of heat coursing through me. Caleb brushes a kiss to her cheek, before handing her off to me. I revel in the feel of her warmth.

" I missed you," I whisper, linking my fingers with hers.

" I missed you more," Brooke whispers back, her voice kind of breathy and I smile at her, turning towards the reverend.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

" We have all been gathered here today to stand witness as Michael and Brooke not only exchange wedding vows, but pledge themselves to each other for the rest of their lives, and for all of eternity," the reverends deep voice booms through the courtyard, " It has been said that love is the most important of things in this world. And it is. Love is all that there is at the end of the day. Love is more than just an emotion. Love is more than a feeling. Love is more than two people being attracted to each other. Love is about patience, kindness, compassion, understanding, compliance. Love is give and take. At this time, the bride and groom have written vows that they would like to exchange with one another."

I turn, handing my bouquet to Olivia, and turn back, taking Michael's hands tightly in mine. I take a deep breath, trying to blink away the tears that fill my eyes.

" Michael," I say, my voice carrying throughout the courtyard, " I never imagined that I would be standing here today, pledging myself to you. Anyone who knows us, knows that we have come up against just about every type of obstacle that two people can come up against. And somehow, someway, we found our way through them. I love you. More than I could ever express to you, more than I can even understand. When I am away from you, my heart aches. And when I'm with you, I feel complete. I cant promise you that the road ahead of us will be an easy one, nobody can. But what I can promise is that I will not run away. I will stand with you, through anything and everything. When you feel weak, I will hold you up, and when your strong I will stand next to you with pride in my heart. I pledge myself to you, from this day forward, to love you until the end of time, and then some."

I smile when Michael raises a hand and brushes away a tear that starts rolling down his face.

" Brooke, I told you once that I would wait a lifetime for you. I would wait a thousand lifetimes for you. From the moment that I saw you, something about you just caught me. You caught my heart. You brought happiness into my life, when happiness seemed like such a distant memory to me. You bring me hope. Hope that there is beauty and goodness in the world. You have the kindest heart and soul that I have ever come into contact with. You are everything to me. You are so strong, and I want you to know that when the moments come that you feel like you cannot be strong anymore I will be there to help you get through it. I will always be here. I waited for you my entire life. I promise myself to you today, in front of our friends and family. I promise to be faithful, compassionate, and loving until the day I breathe my last breath, and then I will wait for you, for all of eternity," he says, and I brush the back of my hand over my cheek trying to stifle the tears that he unleashed.

" Michael, if you will take the ring and on Brooke's left finger place it, and repeat after me," the reverend says and I hold my left hand out to Michael, " Brooke, with this ring I seal my commitment to love, cherish, and honor you for the rest of my days."

" Brooke," Michael says, " With this ring, I seal my commitment to love, cherish, and honor you for the rest of my days." I smile when he slides the ring on my finger, squeezing my hand lightly.

" Now Brooke, if you will do the same," the reverend says and I take the ring from Olivia, trying not shake as I take Michael's left hand.

" Michael," I say, sliding the ring down his long finger, " with this ring I seal my commitment to love, cherish, and honor you for the rest of my days."

" It is now my great honor to announce you husband and wife," the reverend says smiling brightly, " Michael, you can kiss your bride."

I take a step forward, Michael's hand cupping my neck as his lips brush against mine, and I sink into it. Into the moment. I'm Michael's now. And he's mine. Forever.

* * *

The reception has been in full swing for nearly an hour, and I sit next to Michael, laughing and talking with the people who surround us. I hold Michael's hand, not wanting to let go, but a soft tap on my shoulder has me looking up finding Margot, a smile on her lips.

" Brooke, they are ready for you," Margot says and I smile nodding my head. I brush a kiss to Michael's cheek, and just smile at him when he looks at me in confusion. I make my way through the small crowd of friends and families, and get on the stage taking the microphone in my hand.

" Hey everyone," I say, smiling when it grows quiet, " I want to say thank you to everyone for coming to our wedding, especially on such short notice. I have a surprise for my Mama. Where are you Mama." I scan the crowd and smile when I see her stand up, " I began writing this song shortly after Michael proposed to me, and I finished it just last night. I hope you like it."

The music swells around me, and I take a deep breath, finding my Mama's eyes.

' _Mama, you taught me to do the right things, _

_So now you have to let your baby fly, _

_You've given me everything that I will need_

_To make it through this crazy thing called life._

_And I know you watched me grow up _

_And only want what's best for me_

_And I think I found the answer to your prayers_

_And he is good, so good_

_He treats your little girl like a real man should_

_He is good, so good_

_He makes promises he keeps_

_No he's never gonna leave_

_So don't you worry about me_

_Don't you worry about me_

_Mama there's no way you'll ever lose me_

_Giving me away is not goodbye_

_As you watch me walk down to my future _

_I hope tears of joy are in your eyes_

_Cause he is good, so good_

_And he treats your little girl like a real man should_

_He is good, so good_

_He makes promises he keeps _

_No he's never gonna leave _

_So don't you worry about me,_

_Don't you worry about me_

_And when I watch my baby grow up_

_I'll only want what's best for her _

_And I hope she'll find the answer to my prayers _

_And that she'll say_

_He is good, so good _

_And he treats your little girl like a real man should _

_He is good, so good_

_He makes promises he keeps_

_No he's never gonna leave_

_So don't you worry about me _

_Don't you worry about me_

_Mama don't you worry about me_

_Don't your worry about me.'_

I smile when the applause resounds in the ballroom, and I wipe my face with a tissue that Margot hands me, as I watch my Mama and Michael hug. The tears started somewhere in the middle of the song when Michael walked her out to the middle of the dance floor, and hugged her close, dancing to my words, I press my hand to my heart keeping that picture in my head.

" Brooke, here you go, some champagne for the bride," Margot says handing me a flute of sparkling champagne.

" Thank you Margot," I say drinking deeply, " Seriously, thank you for everything. You're the best assistant a girl could ask for. I know I haven't been the easiest to be around lately, but you are honestly the best."

" Brooke, you've been dealing with a lot," Margot says, brushing a hand over my shoulder, " Its been my pleasure helping you."

I smile lightly, turning to look back at the crowd, my head swimming lightly.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I watch as Brooke stands on the stage, my heart fluttering in my chest as she speaks to her mother, and I search the sea of people, finding her mother standing at the edge of the dance floor, a hand pressed to her chest. I follow my instincts, walking towards her. I capture her hand in mine and lead her onto the dance floor.

Her slim shoulders shake as tears fall at the words that Brooke wrote for her.

" You are good Michael," she speaks up, " I can tell by looking at you. I can tell by the way you bring the light back into my daughters face. Your lucky to be loved by Brooke Michael, it's a beautiful thing."

" Yes m'am," I say looking down at her as she looks up at me.

" Promise me. You will always be good to her. Brooke deserves all of the love in this world," she says her voice almost urgent.

" I promise you, I will always be good to Brooke," I say hugging her close as the song ends.

" I couldn't have picked anyone better for my daughter Michael," she whispers pressing a soft kiss to my cheek before turning to applaud for her daughter.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

My head swims viciously as I struggle to open my eyes.

" Come on Brooke, open up," someone calls out to me, but I cant place the voice with a name or face as I try to sit up. " Maybe I gave you too much. That's okay, you can sleep for now." I slump sluggishly against what feels like leather as I try to shake the cloudiness from my head. But the movement only seems to exasperate the spinning sensation. I try to move my hands but find it impossible. And somehow panic and fear break through sluggishness I feel as I realize that I'm not at the reception anymore. I'm in the back of a car. A strange car. And Michael isn't with me. I'm trapped. I try to scream, but it comes out as a strangled moan as the darkness envelopes me.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

" Liv, hey" I say grabbing her lightly by the elbow as she walks towards the dance floor.

" Hey Michael," Liv says, glowing as she smiles at me, hugging me close, " How does it feel, being married to my best friend?"

" Amazing. Speaking of which, have you seen Brooke? I haven't seen her since she was on stage," I say, keeping my voice low.

" Come to think of it, I haven't," she says looking around the crowded room, " I saw her talking to Margot, maybe she's still with her."

" Thanks," I say, walking away. I walk towards the stage, ducking behind the curtain, and find it completely deserted. I look around, finding Brooke's veil laying on the floor and I pick it up, my heart slamming brutally against my ribs. Terror fills me. Its like she's disappeared into thin air.


	25. Chapter 25: The Story

**Author's Note: Hey all! Look another chapter yay! Uhm, not much to say about this one, other than the identity of Crazy Psycho Stalker is revealed! Eeek, gasp! But dont worry just because the identity is revealed doesn't mean that the story is coming to an end super quickly! Because its not. We still have a bit to go! So enough of my ramblings on...onto chapter 25! As always Read/Enjoy/Review! P.S THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AMAZING COMMENTS YOU ARE GUYS ARE AHHH-MAZING!**

**Chapter 25: The Story**

" Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

**

* * *

**

" Brooke," the voice calls out to me and I try to lift my head, but instead it just rolls from side to side as I groan, " Wake up Brooke." I force my eyes open, squinting under the harsh lights, and I try to move my hands but find that they are bound tightly behind my back, and to my horror I'm wearing nothing but my panties and bra. Fear courses through me as I look around, trying to find where the voice is coming from.

" Who," I call out, coughing harshly, my throat dry, " Who's there?"

" You still don't know who I am do you Brooke?" the voice calls back and I shake my head cursing the fact that tears course down my cheeks. I start struggling against my bindings, my wrists screaming in pain as I try to find someway to free them. " Your list was quiet interesting Brooke. You had just about everyone on it. Everyone but me."

I watch as a slim form crosses into the light, and my heart all but stops in my chest when I recognize her.

" Margot," I whisper cringing as she steps close to me.

" That's right bitch," Margot hisses, and because I'm stuck to the chair I cant scramble away or block the blow that glances off my face, snapping my head back. My eyes roll back into my head and the all too familiar darkness comes back, snatching me away.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

It's been twelve hours. Twelve hours since I found Brooke's veil abandoned behind the stage, with Brooke nowhere in sight. I sit, dropping my head into my hands, my knee bouncing as people walk around me. I don't hear anything that's being said. All the sounds around me has become white noise. My heart aches in my chest, and I jerk viciously when someone's hand lands on my shoulder.

" I brought you some tea," a soft voice calls out to me and I look up into the face of Olivia, her face is pale, her eyes shimmering from all the tears that she has refused to let fall in front of me, in front of anyone.

" Thanks," I mutter putting it down on the table in front of me, not bothering to try and take a drink from it.

" Have they said anything?" she asks, sitting next to me, and I shake my head blowing a deep breath out.

" Nothing other than the security camera lines were cut, so there is no footage as to who took Brooke, what car they put her in, which way they went," I say, barely noticing when her hand seeks mine.

" And everyone was accounted for? I mean when they did the head count, Brooke was the only one missing?" she asks, her voice growing thick.

" I honestly don't know, I've been waiting for Max to give me the list for an hour now. I just got done being questioned by the police," I say, and her sound of disapproval meshes well with my feelings. I understand that when someone goes missing, they look at everyone in their lives, but for God's sake, I had just married Brooke. Why in the world would I do anything to hurt her? My hand balls into a tight fist, and I fight as hard as I can to not just scream at the top of my lungs.

" Mike," Max's voice calls from behind me and I get to my feet quickly turning to see him rushing into the room a piece of paper held tightly in his hand.

" Is that the list?" I demand, and he nods his head his eyes sober as he stares at me. I snatch the paper from his hands, and start scanning it.

" Mike, Mike," he says and I tear my eyes away from the paper to look at him, " Margot isn't on the list. Margot's missing too."

" What?" I say feeling my heart tightening sickly in my chest.

" Margot isn't on the list," he says again slowly, and the room spins viciously around me.

" We need all the information we can find on Margot Slade," I snap out anger bubbling inside of me.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I stare at Margot, watching her as she walks around the cramped room, hot tears coursing rapidly down my face. The walls are blanketed with pictures. Pictures of Blake, Me, Michael, Caleb, and Olivia. I cringe when she walks towards me, a cup in her hand.

" Drink this," Margot says kneeling in front of me, and I turn my head clenching my teeth tight. I know I should comply. Compliance can insure my survival. Or at the very least lengthen the time that I have left. But the idea of drinking anything she hands me has my stomach pitching. The memory of another time and place, where I was forced to drink and then left unable to protect myself or fight back has me refusing. Even if it means that my death comes a little quicker.

" Its just water," she says softly, but I refuse to look at her, " Damn it!" I jump when she throws the water in my face, sputtering at the iciness.

" Why are you doing this?" I ask, my lips barely moving having grown numb from the coolness of the room she has me in, and the water that drips off my face.

" You made me do this," she says and I look at her, trying to bite back on the rage that courses through me.

" How?" I ask calmly, " How did I make you do this?"

" You want to know the story?" she asks and I nod my head watching as she pulls a chair up in front of me. " All right, you want to know the story, I'll tell you the story."

* * *

**Michael's POV**

" She doesn't have a record," Max says, sitting across from me at the table, " Not so much as a ticket. She's twenty eight. Born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah, until she was eighteen years old, that's when she moved to L.A. She was married for a year, divorced at the age of nineteen. There's nothing out of the ordinary about this girl Mike. Nothing."

" This doesn't make sense," I say pushing away from the table, getting up to pace the room, " Why would Margot want to hurt Brooke?"

" I don't know Mike, I don't know, I've dug up everything I could. The police here are getting in contact with the police in Salt Lake, telling them to keep an eye out. I wish I had more," Max says and I sigh heavily, rubbing at my chest.

" I know why Margot would do this," a voice calls from behind me and I turn slowly looking at Caleb, his eyes, so much like Brooke's that it haunts me, swimming with tears.

" What are you talking about?" I ask, reminding myself not to take my anger out on him. He's just as terrified by this whole thing as I am. As we all are.

" I don't know why I never saw it before. Never put it together before," he says, his voice tight as he shakily takes a seat at the table.

" Just start at the beginning," I say, sitting across from him. I lean forward listening intently as he launches into his tale.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I watch Margot, her large green eyes shining, a far away look on her face. I shift uncomfortably on the chair, trying not to wince when my wrists, which have been rubbed raw by my bindings, scream with every movement I make.

" I liked you at first Brooke, I did," Margot starts, leaning forward her hands shaking as she clasps them in front of her, " I sympathized with you, when Michael broke your heart. I've been there. I know what its like to have someone rip your heart from your chest. I was married before. It was short. I was young, in love. But he wasn't ready. At least that's what he said to me. Devastated me. I spent a lot of lonely years just passing through life. But then I met someone. Someone who made everything better. But you stole that from me."

" How, how did I steal that from you Margot?" I ask, trying to keep her talking.

" Blake. You stole Blake," she says her eyes flashing with fury so bright that I wince afraid that she's going to start hitting me again, " Blake and I were in love before you came along. Wounded, poor, sad Brooke. Needed rescuing. Again. You drew Blake in with your sadness. You took him away from me."

I jump when she pushes out of her chair, knocking it backwards the sound of it echoing off the walls. I shiver, waiting for the attack, bracing myself the best that I can, but instead she just paces, like a wild cat.

" I was eight weeks pregnant when he broke things off with me for you," she says, her voice sad, " I cried, screamed, and begged. But he told me he didn't love me anymore. That what we had was nice, but what he had with you, was so much better. When I told him I was pregnant, that I had his baby growing inside of my body he told me to get rid of it. That he didn't want anything to ruin his relationship with you."

" Margot, I didn't know, I never knew," I cry, realizing that as much as Margot is the perpetrator, as much as she has terrorized me, she was a victim. She was a victim of Blake's, and all his pretty words.

" You think that matters!" she screams, dragging my head back by my hair, staring down at me, " It doesn't matter what you knew or didn't know! You stole him. You stole my baby. You took away my chance at a happy life."

" I didn't make you kill Blake Margot, or your baby, you did that all on your own," I hiss out, cringing when she slaps me harshly, spitting blood onto the concrete floor.

" Your right, I did do that all on my own. It took months of planning, of waiting, of watching," she says, a sickening smile crossing her lips, " I was hoping you would have been there that night too. But you weren't. Did you know he begged? I made him beg, for his life, for yours. So sad really, to see someone so strong begging."

" Your sick," I snap, " You're a coward! So what, some guy turns you away so that's reason enough to murder him! To shoot me, to kidnap me! He was a grown man Margot, and he made the choice all on his own. I'm sorry that he didn't love you the way you loved him, but killing him wasn't the road to take. You had to know. You had to know that Blake and I wouldn't have lasted."

" Oh I considered waiting him out, hoping and praying, but hopes and prayers can prove to be too lengthy of a process," she says smiling at me, " So I took matters into my own hands. And now, now we're onto the final act Brooke."

" Your going to kill me aren't you?" I ask, my heart thundering in my chest as her words sink in. My heart aches in my chest. A fire consuming me from the inside out as I realize her intention. As it becomes crystal clear. She thinks I stole Blake, her life. So she's going to steal mine. I think of Michael. Closing my eyes slowly remembering him as I saw him last, recalling the picture he and Mama made dancing in the center of the dance floor. I think of Olivia, and Caleb, the baby that grows inside of her. I think of all the things that had been waiting for me. My future. The future I wasn't sure I wanted. The children Michael and I would have had, and raised together. I bow my head, my shoulders shaking gently as the tears come hot and fast.

" Yes, I am," she answers soberly, and I lift my head watching her as she pulls a camcorder out, methodically setting it up, " But I have every intention of letting you say good by first."


	26. Chapter 26: A Time To Say Goodbye

**Author's Note: Okay so, I tried uploading this chapter early this morning (thank you insomnia) but for whatever reason it wasn't working. So here I am again. Trying again. Anyways, I hope that you all like the chapter. It is kind of on the sadder side, but I promise you things will get better...eventually. Anyways, as always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**P.s THANK YOU FOR ALL THE COMMENTS AND SUPPORT! You guys are amazing :D**

**Chapter 26: A Time To Say Goodbye **

_" The hardest thing to do is say goodbye. Goodbye seems so final. That's why I like see you later better."_

_

* * *

_

I stare at the camcorder, my heart breaking slowly in my chest as I try to think of what to say. I dont know how much time has passed since Margot set up the camera. I don't know how long I've been here. Tied to this chare, stripped of clothes, freezing, and praying that she would just hurry up and be done with it all ready.

" Anytime now Brooke," Margot says her voice annoyed, I blink furiously tears continuing to fall.

" Can you at least let me clean up some? I don't want Michael to see me for the last time, looking like this," I say pleading with her, my voice barely a whisper. She rolls her eyes, walking towards me.

" Fine," she says, taking a rag from the table, wetting it down. I flinch slightly when she starts wiping my face, wincing when she brushes over the bruises that have all ready started to form, " That will have to do."

" Thank you," I murmur.

" Are you ready now?" she demands and I nod my head, watching the little red light flick on. And with a deep breath, my heart shatters.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

_'Michael, you need to get some sleep,'_ Mother's voice rings in my ears as I push away from the window of the suite that Brooke and I shared. Sleep? How could I possibly sleep? It's been two days now. Two days since Brooke was taken away from me. And in those two days, nothing has been found out except that the one behind all of this is Margot. But she is nowhere to be found. She covered her tracks far too well.

I never knew about Margot and Blake, and my best guess is that Brooke didn't know either. She couldn't have known, because if she knew, she would have never been with Blake. Because Brooke cared about Margot. And now, God only knows, if Brooke is still alive.

I shudder at the thought, trying to force it out of my head. I wont think that way. Brooke is alive. Because Brooke being anything but alive is too alien of a concept for me to even try and understand. I drop shakily into an arm chair, picking up the tank top that Brooke had worn to bed the night before our wedding.

I close my eyes, lifting it to my face, drawing in her scent. Lilac and coco butter. The tears come fast. As they have for the last two days. And I weep into her shirt, my heart tightening so brutally in my chest that I can barely catch my breath.

" Michael," a broken voice comes from behind me and I quickly wipe my eyes, turning to find Brooke's mother, her hands clenched in front of her tightly. It isn't until now that I notice just how small she is. Her dark hair falls to her shoulders, her eyes seeming to pop against the paleness of her skin.

" Caroline," I murmur, getting to my feet, taking her hand and leading her to the couch. I sit next to her, her hand tight in mine.

" I tried sleeping, but I cant," she says, her voice shaky, " I just cant because every time I close my eyes all I can think about is the fact that my little girl is missing. And I don't know if she's hurt, or bleeding, or dead. I've gone through this before, but this, this is so much worse."

" Caroline, I am so sorry," I say my heart breaking for her. As much as I miss Brooke, and ache for her, I know that I what I'm feeling pales in comparison to what Caroline is going through. This is her daughter. A child she carried inside of her for nine months, and gave birth too, and she doesn't know if her little girl is okay. " I am so sorry that I couldn't protect her."

" Nobody could. Margot, Margot made sure of that," she says her voice growing so fierce that it catches me off guard.

* * *

The silence settles around us, both of us clinging to each other, our heads close, and when a sudden sharp knock comes on the door I bolt to my feet, rushing to get it. I pull it open, finding a young woman standing, a small package in her hands.

" Can I help you?" I ask, trying not to snap at the poor girl.

" I'm sorry to disturb you Mr. Jackson, but you received a package," the girl says, handing me the package.

" Thank you," I say trying to muster a smile but she turns and walks away before I manage one.

I turn the package over and over in my hands, as I walk back to the couch.

" Who sent it?" Caroline asks and I shrug my shoulders, picking up my phone, dialing Max's number cradling it between my shoulder and ear " There's no return address on it. Max, hey, I just got a package. Yeah. I don't know, no return address. I'm going to open it first, and then we'll tell the police. It's probably nothing but a late wedding gift. Yeah, tell them to come on in, the door's open."

I pull the tape from the box, balling it up and tossing it down on the table. My hand starts shaking as I pull the box open. Blue tissue paper sits balled up on top and I pull it off, a strangled sound escaping my throat when I see small stack of Polaroid's. I lift them out slowly, my throat constricting when I see Brooke's face. Bloodied and bruised. My hands shake, Caroline's muffled weeping coming from beside me as I set them down. At the bottom of the box is a clear c.d case, with the words WATCH ME written in bold red marker across the front.

I walk, on numb legs to the television, popping the DVD into the player. I take a deep breath and push play. I fall back, the breath catching in my chest when Brooke's face fills the screen. Her make up is smudged, bruises splashing over her cheek and eyes.

" Brooke," Caroline cries and I start shaking, noticing that someone sits beside me. I turn my head finding Olivia, her eyes wide, and I take her hand my eyes going back to the television.

" Michael, if your watching this," Brooke's voice fills the quiet room, and I smile, just slightly, at the sound of her voice, " If your watching this then I'm gone. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we didn't get our happy ending. I love you Michael, so much. I never got to tell you. Well, I never got to tell you a lot of things. But my life, my life was so much better because of you. Because you loved me. You showed me that I could be more than what I ever thought I could be. I need you to promise me a few things okay? I need you to promise me that you will always be there for my Mama. She is such a strong woman, and I don't want, I don't want whatever happens to me to break her. And I want you to be the best uncle to Liv and Caleb's baby. God," her voice breaks, and her head drops as her shoulders start shaking, the sound of her tears shattering my soul, " God, I wanted to see Olivia be a mom. Tell her, tell her that I will watch over her, and the baby. That I will always be there. Whenever she see's a sunset I will be there. And tell Caleb, tell Caleb that I'm so happy that he found me, and that even though we had such a short amount of time together that he is the best brother. I'm going to be honest with you now Michael. I'm scared. Not so much of the dying part. I'm scared of leaving you. Of not getting to spend the rest of my life with you, or to carry your babies, or grow old with you. I'm so scared Michael. But I need you to promise me something Michael, one last thing. Don't let this change you. Use this. All of this, to make this world a better place. Promise me Michael, that you will be the same strong, courageous, compassionate, amazing man that I love. I will always love you Michael. It looks like I'll be waiting for you, for a lifetime, but that's okay. Your worth the wait."

The room is quiet, Olivia clinging to me, her head buried in my shoulder as she cries. I feel nothing. Nothing. I'm numb. Its like my heart has stopped beating, and the my blood has stopped flowing, and the only thing that I can hear is the sound of Brooke's voice reverberating and echoing in my head.

" That cant be it," Caleb says his voice slowly raising, " That cant be it! I'm not giving up, we're not giving up. I wont let her die."

" Caleb, honey," Caroline says, her voice soft and soothing.

" He's right. We're not giving up, we cant. I cant. I'm going to find her."

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

Margot has been gone for a while, sweeping from the room saying she needed a shower and something to eat. Of course that was after another round of beating and cursing me out. Blaming me for how her life turned out. _' Its your fault Brooke! Oh poor Brooke! Who is going to save you now?'_ Her voice rains in my head, shaking what little strength I have left inside of me loose.

Saying good bye to Michael drained me. The tears have dried, but now it's the emptiness that I'm trying to over come. I move my hands, barely noticing the pain. It doesn't hurt so much anymore. None of it does. I twist my wrists, and just when I'm about to give up, admit defeat I feel the knot give, just a little.

Hope spurts through me, a hot flash of heat as I keep twisting, and I can all but weep when I work the knot just loose enough to slide one of my hands out of it. I smile, new tears falling down my cheeks, and as quickly as the hope filled me its replaced with dread when I hear the door sliding open and shut, the sound echoing around me. I remain still, watching Margot, as she floats into the room, a smile on her face.

" Did you miss me?" Margot asks, setting her purse down on the table.

" You wish," I answer back, watching as she shrugs out of her jacket and lays it nonchalantly on a chair.

" That's not so nice, and to think I was actually thinking about letting you go," she says and for just a small second I almost believe her until I see her walking towards me, a knife in her hand, the light glinting off the blade.

" It's been fun Brooke, but to be honest, you bore me," she says kneeling in front of me. I lean away from her, turning my head as I clench my mouth shut tight.

" They'll know it was you," I say turning to look at her again, " It will only be a matter of time before they put everything together, and they'll come looking for you. And I hope, sincerely hope that you live the rest of your life in fear. Looking over your shoulder. Because Michael wont stop. My family, my friends they wont stop. You may kill me Margot, but you can bet your ass that I will see to it that you get what's coming to you."

" Ooo, I'm so scared now Brooke, look I'm shaking in my boots," she says, her voice sarcastic as she slides the blade along my stomach, " Maybe your right. Maybe they wont ever stop looking for me. But by the time they put the pieces together, you'll be floating in the lake, and I'll be in another country. I hear Aruba is beautiful this time of year. Now shut up and die quietly."

I act quickly pulling my free hand from behind my back punching her as hard as I can in the face, watching with a sense of satisfaction when blood spills from her nose and she falls back, her head bouncing off the concrete floor.

" I don't think so bitch!"


	27. Chapter 27: Survival Of The Fittest

Author's Note: Hey all! Not much to say really. Other than I'm freezing. Its freezing cold here in the Pacific Northwest! So to keep me warm, and since I couldn't sleep (Big surprise there right haha) I wrote another chapter. Anyways, I hope that you all enjoy it. Seriously. I dont know how I feel about this chapter, so give me some feedback please. Love ya'll. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!

**Chapter 27: Survival Of The Fittest**

" _If you realize what the real problem is-losing yourself- you realize that this itself is the ultimate trial."-Joseph Campbell. _

_

* * *

_

I step over Margot's crumpled form quietly, limping and nearly losing my balance as the circulation in my legs jump starts. I collapse against the table, groaning when the sharp edge digs into the tender skin of my hip. My hands fumble over the table, and I pull Margot's purse towards me, dumping the contents over the table. My hands shake as I pick up a set of keys and her cell phone.

The blood hums in my veins as adrenaline kicks in, and I look over my shoulder fear skittering inside of me as I see Margot starting to stir, her head rolling from side to side. I run to the door, my heart pounding in my chest as I fight to get the key in the lock, and I can all but scream at the top of my lungs when the door opens, and I fly through it slamming it behind me. I look around, realizing quickly that I'm not outside. I'm not free. Instead I'm in an even bigger room, surrounded by old machinery and scaffolding.

" Damn it," I cry, dropping my hands to my knee's trying to catch my breath. I jump, when I hear Margot pounding on the door behind me, and I look around quickly, trying to think of what to do, where to go. I rush to the farthest corner, climbing up a makeshift ladder, getting on my hands and knee's cowering into the farthest corner that I can manage.

My hands shake furiously as I dial Michael's number, lifting the phone to my ear, cupping my hand over it.

" Michael, Michael! It's Brooke, you have to help me," I whisper, tears streaking down my face as Margot bursts through the door.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I sit watching as cops wander around the suite, detectives standing together with their heads close and notebooks out as they compare notes of the case. The case. That's how they see Brooke. They don't know. They just don't know.

They don't know her. They don't understand that she is so much more than a case number. She's a person. She's my person. She's the girl who loves the sound of running water, gets out of bed at two in the morning to sneak something sweet. She's the girl who will want to cry, but refuse to do so because she doesn't want anyone to see that she's hurting. She's the girl who would give her coat to a homeless person on the street, because the thought of someone freezing in the dead of night hurts her heart. She's the girl who would give her life for the people she loves. She's the girl who made everything fall back into place for me.

I jump slightly, when my phone suddenly rings, and I grab it looking at the number. I feel my forehead crumple in confusion as I don't recognize whose calling me.

" Mike, who is it?" Max asks and I shrug my shoulders.

" I don't know, I don't recognize the number," I say my finger hovering over the ignore button, but something inside of me screams for me to answer this call. " Hello?"

" Michael, Michael! It's Brooke, you have to help me," Brooke's voice fills my head, a whispered call for help, and the breath whooshes out of me as I get to my feet.

" Brooke, Brooke baby, where are you?" I demand, knowing that every eye is now on me as I pace the room, my hand rubbing at the back of my neck.

" I, I don't know. I don't know, I have to be quiet. She's here. She's in the room," she whispers, her voice barely audible as I strain to hear her, my heart slamming like a fist against my ribs.

" Okay, okay baby, just breathe. Think. Can you see anything, is there any windows, anything?" I ask, reading what one of the detectives writes hurriedly on the notepad in front of me.

" No. No. It's, its some sort of warehouse. There are no windows, Michael, there's nothing," she says, her voice breaking in and out, causing panic to throb through out my whole body.

" Okay, okay. Brooke, I need you to listen to me okay?" I say, waiting for her to answer, and when a broken yes comes through the line, I read what's written in front of me, " I need you to hang up the phone, and hide it. They will be able to track the phone through GPS. So hide the phone, and hide yourself, and we will be there as soon as possible. Brooke, do you understand?"

" Yes, yes I understand. Michael, I love you," she says and before I can reply, tell her how much I love her, the phone goes dead.

" She hung up," I say dropping warily into a chair, " She just hung up. You guys will be able to find her right? With the GPS thing?"

" We're going to try," one of the detectives says, and I surge to my feet anger tightening my hands into tight fists.

" Try!" I roar, knocking the table over making a few officers jump back in surprise, " Your going to try! You made me hang up on my wife so that you can try! You better do more than try! You better find her!"

" Mike, Mike," Max says, pulling me away from the detective whose surprise stricken face I've been screaming in, " Lets take a walk, come on."

I let Max lead me from the room, trying to shake the anger off as I go. But its useless. I feel like I'm so close, and yet so far away.

* * *

_Brooke's POV _

My hands search the darkness as I try to find a good spot to hide the phone. I bump along a ledge and find that its going to have to do. I check the phone, making sure that its on silent, and with a prayer on my lips I place it in the hiding place.

" Brooke," Margot's sing song voice echoes off the walls and I jump slightly pressing up against the cold wall, trying my hardest not to move anymore. Afraid that the next movement would cause my hiding spot to be discovered, " Come on Brooke, I wasn't going to hurt you. Come on out."

Yeah, right. Like I'm going to fall for that one. I search through the darkness, trying to make out her form. But I don't see anything. Nothing but darkness. Darkness upon darkness.

" Do you think your going to get out of here Brooke? Even if you do, you have no idea where we are. I'll just find you, and drag you back here. I should have finished you off when I had the chance," she screams, and I close my eyes tightly, trying not react to the sounds of her overturning things, " Fine play it your way."

I must have dozed, because my eyes flash open quickly, a scream strangling me as I slap a hand over my mouth trying to regulate my breathing. Its silent. That's the first thing I notice. It's so quiet. I turn my head slowly, from side to side, and decide its time for me to do something, anything.

I slide from my hiding spot, my foot sliding off a piece of metal, and I cling to the scaffolding, wincing at the sound that reverberates off the walls. I take a few deep breathes, resting my forehead against the cool metal, trying to center myself.

" Okay Brooke," I whisper to myself, " You can do this. You aren't a victim anymore. You wont be a victim. Your going to fight. You have to fight. Fight for Michael."

I step off the ladder stepping carefully, feeling around me to assure myself that I wont run into anything. I feel my way around, my pulse hammering in my throat as I try to think. Trying to remember which way led me into this room. I keep walking, not daring to breathe.

I hit something hard and solid, my hands scanning the surface and when I find a doorknob my heart all but bursts out of my chest. I pull at it, and find that it wont budge. I press my head to the door, my shoulders shaking viciously from tears that wrack my body.

" So close, Brooke," Margot's voice comes from behind me and I turn slowly, finding her standing right behind me, her face menacing, and my heart sinks.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

I pace the hallway, my stomach tied in so many knots as I look at the faces of the people who have been with me every step of the way through this nightmare. Olivia clings to Caleb, her eyes dead, while Caroline looks like a ghost holding hands with Mother. Max stands, his back pressed against the wall. I know I should say something. Anything to break the tension that is so thick you can feel it. But nothing comes to mind.

I stop my pacing when the door opens and one of the detectives comes out, a look on his face that I cant quiet read.

" We traced the call," he says, and the words roll over me. I feel myself start to shake, as I grasp the window seal, " The phone was traced to Salk Lake City. We've all ready contacted the police there. They are mobilizing a team. We're going to find her."

" Oh my God, oh thank you God," Caroline cries, hugging Mother close and I shake my head trying to clear the fuzziness that fills it.

" Michael," Max says and I turn my head looking at him, tears falling down my face.

" Max, I need you to arrange for my plane. I'm going to be there, we're all going to be there when they find her," I say, sliding down against the wall, dropping my head between my knee's.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I stare at her, as she stares at me, and I know that any moment now can very well be my last.

" You were so close Brooke, but I knew," Margot whispers, inclining her head close to me, " I knew if I just waited you out you would be stupid enough to try and escape. You know what's going to happen now."

I watch as she lifts the knife, and I close my eyes tightly. Flashes of what was, what should have been come. Its amazing the things you remember when your life is on the line. I remember the first time I saw Michael. How shy, and quiet he was compared to his brothers. How surprised he was when I stood up to Joseph, and how sweet he was when he returned my bracelet. I remember the first time he kissed me, and every moment that we were apart. I remember the look on his face when I came too after being shot. I remember it all. I remember everything.

You know that moment, that moment before a person dies, how they say they feel peace? They lied. Because I don't feel peace. I don't feel like this is the end. Instead I am filled with such rage that it consumes me. I throw myself forward, a yell tearing out of my lips as Margot and I start struggling over the knife.

I scratch, bite, and hit as hard as I can, trying to knock the bitch off her feet, but she seems unshakeable, as she returns blow for blow. I scream out when knocks me down to the floor, pinning me under her, her hands wrapping around my throat.

" You just wont go quietly will you?" she hisses, her hands tightening around my neck, and I choke, trying to drag air into my lungs. I kick and flail pounding my hands against her, but she keeps squeezing tighter and tighter. My eyes start to roll, but I catch a glimpse of the knife, which must have fallen in the midst of our struggle. I reach my hand up, and grab it, and without thinking, without a second of hesitation I thrust it up. There's no going back now.

* * *

**Michael's POV**

The flight was short. Barely a blink of an eye. And now, here I stand in the darkness, stuck behind a barricade that the police have set up, outside of an abandoned warehouse on the shore of Antelope Island. My hand is tight in Caroline's as we watch the police and task force setting up.

I shift my weight from foot to foot, and try to calm myself, but everything inside of me wants to rush for the door, kick it in if I have too, get Brooke out myself, but to do that could mean Brooke's death. I have to leave it to the professionals. But in my estimation the professionals need to hurry the hell up.

" Are they going to talk the damn door down?" I growl, and I turn my head to see Olivia, a soft smile on her face.

" She's going to be okay. We're here, and she's going to be okay," Olivia says looking up so that our eyes meet.

" Your right, we're here and she's going to be okay," I say, believing in my heart that it's the truth.

" Their going in," Caroline murmurs, and I turn back to see them knock the door in, and my heart starts hammering. Caroline's hold is vice like but I don't care, she seems to be the only thing holding me back from jumping the barricade and running in there after them.

" We have one down," a voice breaks over the radio of one of the officers standing next to us and my heart falters, " I repeat, there is one deceased."

I don't hear anything after that. Everything just seems to move in slow motion as I drop Caroline's hand, and break into a run. I make my way through the cops trying to block my entrance, and I skid to a halt, Brooke sits, her arms wrapped around her knee's, blood dried on her hands as she shakes.

" I, I didn't mean to, I had to, I had to do it," Brooke says her voice sobbing out of her, and I stare at her, realizing that the Brooke I knew, isn't the same Brooke I knew before. She's gone.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

Margot goes still, and I feel a flash of heat as her hands go still, sliding off my neck and I gasp for air. Choking as I push her off me. I stare at the ceiling, not daring to breathe. I sit up slowly, looking over at her, fear coursing through me as I press my hand to her throat. I don't feel a pulse.

" Margot," I choke out, pushing the hair out of her face, her eyes staring straight at me, into me. " Oh God. Oh God. I'm sorry. Margot I'm sorry." I chant over and over, dropping down next to her, pulling me knee's to my chest.

I stare, unblinking at the wall in front of me. Time has seemed to stop. Nothing matters now. I killed her. I killed her. I'm a murderer. The word screams in my head and I place my hands over my ears, rocking back and forth, closing my eyes. What did I do?

My head jerks up when the deafening sound of the door being kicked in surrounds me. I scream, my eyes snapping shut as bright lights flash over me.

" We have one down," one of the forms says, " I repeat there is one deceased."

" Brooke, Brooke can you hear me?" one of the forms that kneels in front of me asks, and I stare at him unable to make anything come out of my mouth. I look up, staring when a new figure enters the building. Michael. He looks at me, and at Margot's lifeless body before looking back at me, his dark eyes swimming.

" I, I didn't mean to. I had to, I had to do it."


	28. Chapter 28: It's Okay

**Author's Note: Woo-hoo Chapter 28...commence the party! Okay, okay seriously. Sorry that it took me a little longer to get this chapter out, Well longer because last week I managed to get a chapter (and on some nights 2) out every single morning. But the weekend came, and I learned how to crochet and I have been going a little crochet crazy...seriously haha its a problem. But as my best friend said, better to be addicted to crocheting than crack! So yeah! Anyways, enough of my rambling. First and Foremost before I release you to read the chapter, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading faithfully, and for reviewing, seriously, its amazing and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy (which is good, since its snowing here in the pacific northwest) inside. And it really keeps me motivated to keep doing what I do. So really thank you all so much. **

**And Lastly, here is Chapter 28. I hope that you all enjoy it, and that you love it. I read through and it actually came out better than I had anticipated. So As Always. Read/Enjoy/Review! **

**P.S Look for a special announcement at the end of the next chapter!**

**Chapter 28: It's Okay**

" _It's all right, I'll be fine, don't you worry about this heart of mine."-Fall To Pieces The Wreckers._

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* * *

_

_They say with time all things can be healed. All wounds will be sealed up, and you'll be able to move on. I don't know if that's the truth. I doubt that's the truth. I don't think any amount of time will take away what happened. Take away what I did. _

_

* * *

_

**Six Weeks Later**

**Michael's POV**

I watch Brooke, as she sits in the overstuffed chair, her knee's pulled up to her chest as she stares out of the window. And I cant help but wonder. Wonder what she see's. It's been six weeks since we found her in that warehouse, cowering in a corner, blood dried on her hands.

She hasn't spoken a word in six weeks. Not even so much of a flicker of emotion when the police informed us that there would be no charges brought against her. That the case was closed. Not a word spoken. And I'm scared. Terrified. Terrified that whatever happened for those three days in that warehouse has forever broken her.

Olivia and Caleb come to visit often, and even they cant get a word out of her. Nothing. I sigh heavily, entering the room, walking to her warily. I brace myself against the window, looking at her. She's changed. True most of the bruises are faded, the worst of them dulled to a sickly yellow, but the girl sitting before me is broken. Like her spirit has just completely disappeared. Shattered beyond all repair.

" Brooke," I say, biting back a vicious oath when she doesn't blink, " Brooke will you please look at me?" Its not that I'm angry with her. I could never be angry with her. I'm angry by the situation. Angry that I couldn't protect her. Angry that even in her death Margot has managed to take away my love. Brooke looks up at me, her eyes empty.

" Baby, will you talk to me?" I ask kneeling down, my hands covering hers, " Please, just say something. Anything." She opens her mouth, and hope fills me, but she just shakes her head sadly, tears falling down her face as she turns back to stare out of the window.

* * *

I sit in the peace of my office, staring at the card in front of me. I've had the card for one of the best psychologists on the West Coast for six weeks. I guess I've been putting off the inevitable. Thinking that maybe all Brooke needed was some time. Time to settle back into home, into routine. But I was wrong. So wrong.

With a pained sigh I lift the receiver of the office phone and dial the number, my heart aching inside of me when someone answers.

" Hello, Dr. Conaway's office," a cheerful, high pitched voice rings through my head like a bell, " How may I assist you?"

" Uhm yes, hello," I stammer into the phone cursing the fact that what I'm doing at the very moment feels like a betrayal on the deepest of levels, " I was given the number for Dr. Conaway six weeks ago, and told that she would be contacted as well, in regards for psychological help for my wife."

" I see, and your wife's name?" the cheerful voice rambles on.

" Brooke, Brooke Jackson," I say pinching the bridge of my nose against the headache that starts waging behind my eyes.

" Of course. There was a note put in Dr. Conaway's schedule. It looks like your in luck Mr. Jackson, there is an opening tomorrow morning at eleven o'clock. Will that work out fine for you?" the woman asks and I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat.

" Yes," I mutter, " Yes that will be fine."

" Okay, then Mrs. Jackson has an appointment at eleven tomorrow morning. We do ask that you arrive a half an hour early to fill out new patient information. Is there anything else that I can help you with Mr. Jackson?" she asks and part of me wonders if it would be too much to ask her to talk to Brooke. Tell Brooke about the appointment to save me from the task.

" No, thank you," I say barely hearing her bubbly goodbye before hanging up. I lay my head on the desk, closing my eyes. Now comes the hard part. Now I have to tell Brooke.

* * *

_Brooke's POV_

I stare out of the window, watching as the breeze flutters the leaves on the tree's. And I feel, nothing. It's like I'm numb. Totally and completely numb. There is no emotion. Or maybe that isn't right. Maybe it isn't that there is no emotion, maybe there is just too much emotion and I cant seem to cope with them.

Its like being caught in a riptide. No matter how hard I kick, or swim, I cant seem to get out of it. Instead I am just sucked deeper, and deeper down. What's worse, is that its starting to wear on Michael. I can see it in his eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes that once danced with light and beauty are dull now. Dulled by the fact that I cant seem to shake off what happened, that I cant just move on.

I feel the familiar anger building inside of me, as I shake my head and wrap my hands over my ears. I wish it was that easy. That I could just go to sleep, and wake up feeling as if nothing has changed. That everything is as it was on the day of my wedding. Where Michael was all that mattered, and my love for him was so overwhelming that it could protect us from anything and everything.

Instead, I close my eyes at night, and I'm back in that warehouse. And Margot is there, beating me. Screaming at me. Blaming me for everything that went wrong in her life. And then she's dead. Killed by me. Her blood on my hands.

' _Murderer,' the_ voice bounces around in my head and I start rocking back and forth trying to force it away. _'Murderer.' _I jump, a scream very nearly escaping my mouth when a hand comes to my shoulder, and I look up, panic flooding me before slowing ebbing away when I see that its only Michael.

" Brooke?" Michael asks, looking at me, his eyes concerned, " Are you all right?"

I level out my breathing, nodding my head at him before turning to look back out of the window.

" Brooke, we need to talk okay?" he asks, kneeling in front of me, taking my hand in his, " Brooke, look at me."

The quiet command of his voice has me obeying as I turn my eyes towards his, guilt burning like a wild fire through out me.

" I made an appointment for you tomorrow, to see," his voice trails off and I can see that he's struggling to say what he needs to say. Part of me wishing that I could reach out and touch his face, tell him that its okay. But I cant. Because it's not okay. " To see a psychologist."

The words hit me like a freight train. A psychologist? Great. So he does think I'm a nut case. Well, its not like I've done anything to prove otherwise. I drop his hand, shaking as I turn my head back to the window.

" Baby, please," he says, grabbing my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him, " I've tried everything that I know how to try to help you, and it isn't working. I cant help you. But Dr. Conaway, she's the best psychologist on the west coast, and she's going to be able to help you. I just want you back Brooke. I need you back."

His words tear at my heart, the pleading in his voice tearing down what little comfort I have managed to build around myself. I nod my head, and try not to move when he brushes a kiss to my forehead.

" Thank you," he murmurs.

* * *

I sit in Dr. Miranda Conaway's office, nervously bouncing my knee as I stare at the door. It would be so easy. Too easy, if I just got up and walked through that door right now. I don't need to be here. I don't want to be here. I take a deep breathe, catching sight of Michael, his head bent down as he fills out paperwork. But Michael wants me to do this. And I owe it to Michael.

I owe a lot to Michael. He should have left me. I'm surprised he didn't. After all it isn't every day that Michael see's his wife all but hovering over her dead assistant. A pain shoots through me, my heart spasming in my chest and I lift a hand rubbing at the pain.

" Brooke?" Michael asks and I drop my hand, going completely and utterly still, " Baby its okay." His hand is warm when he lays it over mine, but before he can say anything else the door to the office opens.

" Brooke?" A throaty, accented voice fills the waiting area and I look up to find myself staring at Dr. Miranda Conway. She's beautiful. A woman who looks like she belongs on the cover of Vogue in the latest haute couture, rather than in a simple yet sophisticated dark green suit that is beautifully complimented by a mane of dark red tendrils. " I'm ready for you." Her face lights up with the genuine smile on her lips and I nod my head, getting to my feet.

" Brooke," Michael says from behind me and I turn my head, finding that his eyes are filled with hope, " I love you."

' _I love you too,' _I scream inside my head, but finding that I still cant seem to form the words I nod my head before following the doctor into her office.

* * *

Ireland. That's the accent that lingers in Dr. Conaway's voice. An assumption that was easy to make by the endless pictures of The Cliffs of Moher lining her wall. I stare at them, captivated by their beauty. By their peace.

" Beautiful, isn't it?" Dr. Conaway asks, and I turn to look at her, nodding my head, " Ever been?" I shake my head, crossing my legs, and clasping my hands in front of me. " Brooke, the first thing I want to tell you is that, while in this room, your safe. You can speak to me."

' _If only it were that easy.' _

" I've heard about what happened to you Brooke. And I want to tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through what you went through. I also spoke to your husband, and he seems to think that you are blaming yourself for what happened. For Margot's death."

' _Newsflash. I did kill her. Therefore, I am responsible.' _

" I'm going to level with you Brooke, if you don't mind," she says, coming around her desk, a notepad and pen in her hand as she sits across from me. " If I had been in the same situation, I would have done the same."

' _You say that now, but you have no idea what its like. To take another life. To watch it end.' _The familiar ache burns inside of me and I lift my hand trying to rub it away.

" I can see now that you aren't going to talk. So we can do two things. You can sit here for the next," she says checking her watch, " forty-eight minutes and listen to me ramble on and on about well, anything that comes to mind, or, you can go. You don't have to be here."

I weigh the options, and as I'm getting ready to push myself out of the chair, and leave, deciding it would be better to save both of us the next forty-eight minutes of our lives, she speaks up again.

" But can I just say something before you do go?" she asks and I sit back down, looking into my lap. " I cannot imagine what you went through. But you need to remember that as horrible as it was for you, there are people in your life who went through something very similar. As scared as you were, your husband, your mother, your friends were just as scared. And shutting them out, refusing to speak just propels the fear. Not saying anything is giving Margot the power in death, that she wanted to have in life. I can look at you right now Brooke, and I can tell you a few things about yourself. Your stronger than you give yourself credit for, your shouldering a burden to heavy for you, and your killing yourself with a guilt that even the silence isn't going to make go away. Just, think about it okay. And if you decide that your ready to talk you can call and make another appointment."

* * *

The doctors words roll around in my head as Michael drives. And what she said was so simple. So simple in fact that I feel completely and utterly stupid for not realizing it before. This whole time, I have shut myself away in a bubble of silence. Not speaking to the people closest to me, afraid of what they may say, or the questions that may be asked. When in all reality, they are just as scared as I am.

I look at Michael, alarm racing through me when I find his jaw clenched tight. The number one sign that he's angry. My heart sinks into my stomach, and I jump involuntarily when he slams a hand against the steering wheel.

" Damn it Brooke!" Michael yells, his voice an odd mixture of anger and pain, " You couldn't even try could you? I am trying so hard, day after day, to keep it together. To keep myself together, because I know how much your going through. But I need a little help here. Just one little sign that all of this work is for nothing. I need a sign that your going to be okay."

Tears blur my eyes as I stare into my lap, his words settling over me as he continues his rant.

" I don't know what it was like for you Brooke, I don't know what all that," his hands tighten on the wheel and I know that he's thinking about Margot, " What all she did to you. But I do know what it was like for me, Caleb, Olivia, and your mother. I know that it was hell, pure and simple. No other pretty words to dress it up. It was hell. Not sleeping, not eating, feeling like at any minute I was simply going to crawl out of my skin. Dealing with the police, who had no answers. And when they did have answers they were never the right one's. trying to keep it together, to not break. Trying to help everyone else through it. And then I got that tape. And I saw you. Bloodied and bruised, stripped down to your underwear, and you looked so beautiful. And brave. And you said good bye, and I thought my world ended, right then and there. That's what it felt like. Like all of the air had been sucked from the atmosphere and my reason for living was no more. I was ready to give up, because I thought you had given up, but then you called and I knew, I knew that we were going to find you before it was too late. I just had this feeling inside of me that you were going to be okay. But I was wrong. Because your not okay. And I just wish, God I wish that you would just let me help you be okay again!"

I watch him, his chest heaving as he tries to breathe, seemingly worn out from his rant. I lift my hand, watching as it shakes and I lay it on his forearm, his eyes meeting mine.

" I'm sorry," I stammer, my throat dry and raspy. Michael pulls the car to the side of the highway, throwing into park before slamming out of the door and coming around to my side. He drags my door open and yanks me out, holding me in the tightest of hugs. " Michael, I'm sorry."

" Shh, baby," he whispers, his voice thick with tears as he buries his face in my hair, " It's okay. We're going to be okay."


	29. Chapter 29: Want And Need

**Author's Note: 'Ello, ello' lol. Okay so here it is another night/morning, another chapter! Woohoo for insomnia. Okay, well anyways. I hope you all enjoy it. Really I do. A huge thank you to all of you who keep me going in writing, seriously you guys are AHHMAZING! **

**As for the announcment that I told you all to keep an eye out for. Its actually a two parter. First of all...I have read some fanfictions and saw that some of the we're doing kind of like a Q and A thing ( for those who dont know what that is, its question and answer) and I really like that idea. So I am opening the floor, or rather my inbox to all of you who read my stories to ask me questions. It can be about this story, other stories, about me. And I will answer all of them in a special posting. It just really sounds like fun. So please feel free to ask away, I am an open book :) **

**As for the second thing. I am currently working on an outline for another story :) Yes another one. It will be a Michael story. And I will post a teaser for it at the end of an upcoming chapter. I wont tell you which one, but you wont be able to miss it when I do it :) **

**Okay, now to wrap up this sinfully long AN...Onto chapter 29 of LSN. As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

_**Chapter 29: Want And Need**_

_' What a person wants and what a person needs are two completely, separate things. Believe me, I would know. I wanted to be loved, but what I needed to do was love myself first."-Anonymous._

_

* * *

_

I stare at the journal in front of me, the pen pressed to paper, but the words I need to write just wont seem to come out. It's been three months since the 'incident.' And after six weeks of shutting myself away in silence, I finally came out of it. With the help of Dr. Miranda Conaway. And Michael. My Michael, with endless hope and love, helped drag me back from the brink of darkness.

I smile softly, looking up at the picture of Michael that sits on the edge of my dresser, his smile radiating from the photograph, warming my very soul. I sit back in the chair, dropping the pen onto the desk. I suppose I shouldn't get so frustrated. After all Dr. Conaway is always telling me that this is a marathon not a sprint. Healing is going to be a long process and the more I try to push myself, the more likely it is that I'm setting myself up for failure.

I cant really complain though, because in two and a half months of seeing her twice a week I have come a long way. Managed to vanquish some of the ghosts of my past. But it's the ghosts of my present that still seem too big and menacing for me to face just yet. I still have the nightmares. Bone chilling nightmares that have me thrashing around and gasping for air when Michael can finally pull me from them.

I close my eyes, rubbing my hands over my face.

" Brooke," a soft voice comes from behind me and I turn around, beaming when I see Olivia, one hand resting on her ever extending stomach.

" Liv," I say, making my quickly across my office, gathering her in a tight hug, " I didn't know you we're coming."

" Neither did I, but Caleb is driving me insane," she says laughing lightly as she sits down in a chair, a deep sigh escaping her lips, " He's baby proofing. You know I woke up at 2:30 this morning, because my daughter was so damn set on tap dancing on my bladder, and I couldn't lift the lid. He baby proofed the toilet! Like she's going to come out walking or something."

I cant contain the giggles. Only because my brother, has in fact, been on a baby proofing kick. He even tried baby proofing the ranch. If ever there was a way for someone to be over prepared for something, that's Caleb and the impending birth of his daughter.

" Don't laugh," she pouts and I try to straighten out my face but cant seem to do it.

" I'm sorry Liv, its just. Its so funny," I say, laughing even harder when she throws her hands in the air and starts cursing the fact that she's pregnant.

* * *

I step back into the house, waving at Liv, laughing when she grins at me and waves back, blowing a kiss.

" Call me when you get home," I yell after her before closing the door behind me.

" Have fun?" someone asks from behind me and I turn quickly pressing a hand to my chest before smacking Michael on his arm playfully.

" Don't sneak up on me that way," I say shaking my head when he frowns slightly at me.

" I'm sorry," he says, wrapping an arm around my waist, his eyes roaming to the bags that I carry, " Where'd you go?"

" Took Liv out for a few hours," I say, dropping the bags onto the couch before taking a seat, " We went into town. Had lunch, did some shopping. You know, a girl day."

" That's good," he says, pulling me close to him, " I'm so proud of you Brooke."

" For what?" I ask, kicking my shoes off, propping my feet on the edge of the coffee table.

" For your progress," he says, pressing a kiss to my hair, " You've come so far."

" Well, thank you," I say, feeling only slightly uncomfortable about the direction that our conversation has taken, " But I still have a long way to go. I think that's the worst part of this whole process."

" How so?" he asks, and I watch as he lifts my hand, his long fingers playing with mine, and my mind goes fuzzy as I try to think of what it was that he was asking. It's not that I don't want to answer the question. it's the fact that, Michael and I haven't been together, in the intimate sense, since before the incident three months ago. So now, the slightest brush up against him, or him holding my hand, or touching my hair sends red hot tipped arrows of lust straight into my stomach. " Brooke?"

I shake my head, pulling myself from my, less than appropriate thoughts and look up at him.

" Sorry. What was I saying?" I ask, pulling myself away from his hold, deciding that it would be best to distance myself from him.

" You were saying that having a long way to go is the worst part of the whole process. How so?" he asks, a confused look on his face when he see's that I have no intention of returning to his arms.

" Right. It's the worst part because I know that its all about the baby steps. And I'm fine with that, but sometimes it feels like the baby steps aren't getting me anywhere, and its frustrating," I say, pulling my knee's to my chest, resting my head against them.

" Baby," he says, sliding closer, " Believe me, your getting somewhere. Just remember, you aren't in this alone."

" I know," I say, closing my eyes when he presses a kiss to my forehead. I cant help but be left wanting more when he just settles in next to me, and picks up my hand.

* * *

" Hello Brooke," Dr. Conaway's voice greets me when I walk through the door to her office, and I smile, pulling off the light cardigan sweater I was wearing.

" Dr. Conaway," I say, smiling when she hugs me before motioning for me to sit in my usual spot. I kick off my pumps and sit, pulling my legs underneath me, letting myself sink into the leather.

" How are you feeling today Brooke?" she asks, her voice dancing around me and I shrug my shoulders lightly, before stopping myself from shutting down.

" To be honest," I say, running my hand through my hair, " Frustrated."

" All right. We'll start there then," she says, pulling her notepad open, tapping her pen rhythmically against her hand, " Why are you frustrated?"

" A lot of things," I say, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, " I feel frustrated with myself. Frustrated that I'm not making quicker progress. And its hard because logically I know, that I cant rush myself through this process, but at the same time I just wish I could hit the fast forward button and be at the end when everything is healed and better. I'm frustrated because I haven't been able to sing. It's like the music just seemed to vanish from my life. But what is really frustrating, is that Michael and I haven't," I trail off suddenly feeling the blood rush to my face, " We haven't been, together, in that way, since before the incident."

" Okay," she says, a bemused smile on her face, " Well lets start with one thing at a time. We've discussed that the feelings of frustration would come and go. And the best thing to do when the feeling does come is to ride it out. It will leave again."

" Right," I say nodding my head at her.

" As for your music, I have a theory, and I could be wrong, but hear me out," she says, " I wonder if you are associating your talent, your gift, with Margot. And I say that because, if it wasn't for the fact that you got a record deal, started recording your music, then you wouldn't have met Blake. And if you wouldn't have met Blake, then the things that happened wouldn't have happened."

I sit back, feeling like a light has suddenly been flipped on in my head, as I realize how much sense that makes.

" Your right. Completely right," I say, feeling slightly shaken by the epiphany.

" But what you need to realize Brooke is this. What happened, happened. Say you didn't get a record deal, or even if you did, but say it happened a day earlier, or a month later, and Margot and Blake hadn't come into your life, Margot would have done this to someone else, eventually. Margot was not a well person. She was mentally ill. You couldn't change that no matter what," she says, passing me the box of Kleenex, and I smile even with the tears rolling down my face.

" I think logically I know that, but in my heart," I trail off shaking my head, " In my heart I wonder if maybe I missed the signs. And if I had just paid closer attention, I would have been able to help."

" Which is completely normal," she says her tone sincere, " Brooke, you have so much compassion inside of you. But you need to separate compassion, from feeling as if its your job to fix everything and everyone."

* * *

I sit comfortably in the car, cruise control set to a steady sixty-five, the radio serving as soft background music, as I contemplate the things that I discussed with Dr. Conaway. Mostly I think of what she said about the lack of a intimacy between me and Michael.

' _Do you think he's afraid of trying to go there, because of what you went through?' _the doctor's voice rolls around in my head, and my heart breaks just a little.

Of course Michael is scared. So am I. Scared that, that part of who we are just wont be the same. Scared that Michael looks at me as someone who is broken. I pull through the gates of the ranch, and with a new resolve decide its time to show Michael, that I'm not broken.

I stare at the bedroom, smiling with satisfaction. Michael isn't the only one who can set a beautiful scene. The room dances with candlelight, the drapes closing the night out. I run my hands over the light pink silk of my teddy, and sit on the edge of the bed. Michael should be here any second, and the realization of that has my heart skipping a beat inside my chest.

When another fifteen minutes pass, I can feel the anticipation building up inside of me as I pace the floor of the room. Where in the world is he? He said he would be back from the studio at ten, and here it is, ten fifteen and he's a no show. I let out a slight growl of frustration, and just before I throw my hands in the air in surrender, the door opens behind me.

" I'm sorry I'm late," Michael's voice trails off, and his eyes scan the room before he looks at me, his eyes going wide, " Brooke? What is this all about?"

I smile, coyly, before dancing towards him, wrapping my arms over his shoulders, kissing him. I sink into the sensation, letting it wash over me, but instead of Michael responding in the way I was hoping he would he pushes me away, his hands circling my upper arms.

" Brooke," he says, his voice throaty as his eyes cloud over, " We cant do this."

" But," I stammer, confused as to why he's so set on pushing me away, " Michael, I need you. Do you get that? Its driving me insane. I cant even be in the same room with you without my mind wandering to inappropriate places. Please."

" No," he says dully his hands dropping off of me, and I feel my throat tightening on me as I blink wildly.

" Michael," I say, but he holds up a hand, easily silencing me.

" No."

* * *

_Later, I lay in our bed, my heart aching inside of me as I stare at the ceiling. The lingering scent of jasmine dances on the air, and I roll over curling myself into a tight ball. That hadn't gone at all as I had expected. Proof of my failure being in the fact that Michael is sleeping in one of the guest rooms, while I lay here, in one of his shirts and a pair of sweats. I close my eyes tightly, remembering the look of pure panic that crossed Michael's face when I all but threw myself at him, and I groan in embarrassment. I blew it._


	30. Chapter 30: Let Me Show You

**Author's Note: Hey all! Sorry it took me a while to update...just been a bit sidetracked, and slightly writers blocked, but here is Chapter 30! Yay! Anyways, please let me know what you think! I'll give you a cookie (most likely gingerbread since thats what I'll be baking today!) Love ya'lls! As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 30: Let Me Show You**

" _Sometimes a misunderstanding can be the best thing to happen to someone."-Anonymous._

_

* * *

_

I stare at the ceiling counting how many times my heart beats in the darkness. I gave up on sleep almost the moment Michael left me alone in this room. I sigh heavily rolling over as I try to stifle the next onslaught of tears that I feel burning behind my eyes, thickening my throat, constricting my chest.

My shoulders start shaking lightly as I remember the coldness that seemed to creep into Michael's eyes when he left. When he told me no. And I cant help but feel like this just might be the beginning of the end. I sigh heavily, fisting my left hand over my heart, the feel of my wedding ring biting into my palm. Perhaps I'm being overly dramatic about this whole thing.

Or Maybe.

Just maybe.

I wasn't meant to get a happy ending.

* * *

I wake slowly, blinking owlishly against the harsh morning light that streams into the room, and I roll over subconsciously searching for Michael, and its when my hand finds nothing but cold sheets that the memories of the night before come swimming back into my head and the heart ache starts all over again.

I slide out of bed, pulling the hem of Michael's shirt down as I walk slowly to the window. I slide open the curtains, letting the hazy October sunshine wash over me. I wrap my arms around myself, hugging tightly as I try to chase away my own pain.

This isn't how it was supposed to be. Marriage. Love. It's supposed to be beautiful. I'm not naïve enough to believe that its going to be sunshine and rainbows at all times, but I would think that Michael and I have had enough rain, for a while at least. Where was our sunshine? Our rainbow? I groan, pressing shaky fingers to my eyes trying to bite back the tears that sting so bitterly.

I jump slightly when my cell phone rings loudly from behind me, and I walk slowly towards the nightstand where it buzzes against the surface. I read the screen, and smile only slightly when I see that its Olivia. Probably calling with another Crazy Soon To Be Daddy emergency courtesy of Caleb.

" Hello," I murmur into the phone, trying to disguise the weariness in my voice.

" Brookey, it's official," Liv says, her voice thick and I go on instant alert, worry coursing through me, " I'm as big as a whale."

I let out a deep breath, trying to stifle the chuckle that threatens to spill from my lips.

" Oh Liv, honey, you aren't a whale," I assure her sitting on the end of the bed, lifting my knee's to my chest wrapping one arm around my legs, " Your six months pregnant sweets."

" Your just saying that because you're my best friend," she cries, and I wince hating the fact that she's crying, " I am a whale."

" You are not," I say rolling my eyes, " And I resent the fact that you would insinuate that I would lie to you."

" Well I'm sorry," she says, her voice catching a slight hint of attitude, " Where's my real best friend. You know the one who promised to soothe and calm me during my pregnancy hormone hell?"

" She's in her own hell," I say, falling back against the bed.

" Uh oh, that doesn't sound good," she says automatically losing her snappish attitude, " What happened?"

" It's a long, ugly, complicated story," I murmur into the phone throwing one arm over my eyes.

" Oh, drama. Hold on, let me get some popcorn," she says, and I cant help but laugh, feeling somewhat uplifted by my best friend.

* * *

After an hour long conversation with Olivia, I have discovered two things. One. Pregnant Olivia is even more opinionated than not pregnant Olivia. And Two. Pregnant Olivia has the mouth of a sailor. My ears are still ringing from the steady stream of curses that flowed from her mouth when I explained the whole situation with Michael. I laugh to myself as I step into the billowing steam of the shower.

Despite the humor that I find in my early morning conversation, the underlying pain is undeniable as I let the hot water roll over my head. And its inevitable that I will have to talk to Michael sooner or later. And that's thought alone scares the hell out of me.

I peek my head out of the bedroom door, searching the hallway, and when I find that all is silent I make my way towards the stairs, arms wrapped around myself as I make my way downstairs. The house is quiet. So quiet in fact that its eerie.

" Hello," I call out, wondering where everyone could be. Usually the kitchen is full of noise, Grace and Martin talking and joking as they prepare breakfast, but today there is nothing. No talking, no joking, no breakfast. " Hello."

I walk towards Michael's office, and stop just outside of the door when I hear murmured voices coming from the other side of the door. I press myself against the wall, straining to hear who's talking on the other side.

" So, your positive that this will be completely air tight?" Michael's voice rings through sending an unsuspecting shiver up my spine, " There will be nothing that she can do about this? She will get no money from this? I will owe her nothing?"

" Absolutely nothing Sir," an unfamiliar voice greets me as my heart hammers, and my mind races a million miles a minute.

" Excellent. Send the papers over, I'll see to it she signs them." Click. And its with those words that my mind finally comes to a conclusion as to what he was talking to the mystery man about. Divorce. Michael wants a divorce. And he's covered all his basis hasn't he? Not that I want his money, or need it, but still the sound of urgency in his voice when asked about his moneys security is just slightly insulting.

Okay, more than slightly insulting. The sound of Michael hanging up the phone propels me through the door. Michael lifts his head slowly, a dull look in his big brown eyes, and a flash of something crosses them before he quickly smothers whatever it was.

" Brooke," Michael murmurs, shutting the book that's in front of him quickly, sliding it into one of the drawers.

" Just like that?" I say, my voice bitter as he stares at me dumbfounded.

" What are you talking about?" he asks, getting to his feet coming around the desk.

" We have one bad night, one stupid bad night, which cant even really be rated on a bad night scale considering the hell we've been through, and walking away could be that easy for you?" I say my voice sounding alien to me as an odd mixture of amazement and pain chokes me.

" Brooke, I'm sorry, but I'm not following you," he says, reaching out to brush a lock of my hair from my face but I evade his fingers, shock filling his eyes, " I know I reacted badly last night. It was knee jerk. I just, I've been scared of, of taking that step with you. Afraid you'll break, and I'm sorry I hurt you."

" So sorry that you want to divorce me? That makes sense," I scream, shaking as my hands curl into tight fists.

" Divorce you? Where in the hell did you get an idea like that?" he demands, his own anger flaring up matching mine lick for lick.

" Oh I don't know, could have been the phone call I just over heard. Worried that I'm going to take half of everything Michael? Is that really what you take me for? You know who sounded like on that phone call? Just like Joseph. Nice to know after all this time, after everything we've been through and conquered together that you look at me the same way he does. Some gold digging bitch who is out for the great Michael Jackson fortune. Well, you know what I think? I think you can take this ring," I scream, pulling the delicate ring from my left hand, tossing it on his desk, " Take this house, your money, and your ego and shove it!"

* * *

I whirl away, stalking towards the door but Michael catches up to me, his large hand grabbing my wrist turning me while he pushes me against the wall of the office.

" I don't know what goes on in that crazy head of yours, frankly I stopped trying to figure that out ages ago," Michael hisses, his voice low, his eyes hurt as he stares at me, " But don't you ever compare me to Joseph again. I have no intention now, or ever to divorce you. Though at the moment it doesn't sound like the worst idea in the world. I was on the phone with my attorney, sealing up a deal for Margot's mother. She's been threatening to take us to court. A civil suit, wrongful death. Only she's been stupid about it. Of course you'll have to sign the papers, but I was waiting for the right moment to bring the situation to your attention."

_I. Am. An. Idiot._ Plain and simple. That's all that I can think as I stare at Michael, his hand on either side of my head, boxing me in against the wall. Then again, any other normal, or rather, somewhat normal girl would have come to the same conclusion after last night.

" What was I supposed to think?" I ask, whispers as the first tear of shame and guilt rolls down my cheek, " After last night…" I trail off when Michael his hand, wiping the tears from my face.

" Last night was my mistake," he murmurs, his voice growing soft, " I was caught by surprise. I didn't know how to handle the situation, or you, and I'm sorry."

" You left me alone," I murmur, lifting flooding eyes to his, " The rejection I could live with, but being left alone." I shake my head, trying to stifle my seemingly uncontrollable emotions.

" I didn't leave you alone," he says, lifting my chin so that I'm forced to meet his eyes, " I sat outside the bedroom door all night. So that if you needed me, I would be right there. I listened to you cry yourself to sleep, and it broke my heart, but I couldn't bring myself to come in, afraid that I'd hurt you too much."

" It hurts Michael," I say, dropping my hands to his wrists, squeezing lightly, " I just, want to feel normal again. And I know it will take time, but I just want to feel like I belong to you. Really belong to you."

Michael's lowers his forehead to mine, one arm coming down, wrapping around my waist, long fingers caressing the skin on my hip. His lips are a whisper away from mine, and my heart pounds rapidly against my ribs.

" You belong to me Brooke," he murmurs, brushing full lips over mine lightly, then deeply before he breaks the kiss, " Let me show you."


	31. Chapter 31: Oh The Possibilities

**Author's Note:; Hey all :) First I just want to say thank you all for the reviews...they made my heart super happy :D And I know a few of you have asked me to read your stories and I'm sorry that I have been slacking on that, promise that I will get better at that! I will do better! I promise, promise, promise! Anyways, I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think. Anyways, onto Chapter Thirty One, as always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 31: Oh The Possibilities.**

_" Possibilities are evil. On the one hand it can be something amazing, on the other it can be something terrible. Basically, you have a fifty-fifty chance of being completely crushed or euphorically happy. Life sucks."-Anonymous._

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* * *

_

I wake slowly, squinting my eyes against the brightness in the room, and with a groan I roll over and see that's its barely seven thirty in the morning. I sit up slowly, putting my hands on my head as the room spins slightly around me. This has been happening for a few weeks now. I wake up feeling like I've had a bit too much to drink the night before, when I haven't had a drink since my wedding. I shiver at the memory and climb out of bed, noticing that Michael is all ready up and about for the day.

I smile when I pull the curtains open and see a very light dusting of snow on the grounds of the ranch, and though I know the snow will be melted and gone by lunch time, its still a beautiful sight. And a rare one. Especially for California. December approached quickly, and the house is abuzz with talks of Christmas.

This will be Michael's very first Christmas celebration, which I have to admit seemed a bit odd to me when he told me that, but then I remembered the way he was raised, and it all made sense. I for one, love Christmas. The decorating, the shopping, the traditions. All of it. The beauty of the season. The meaning of it. I smile, pressing a hand to my unsettled stomach before turning to ready myself for the day.

I walk down the stairs catching the sound of light voices floating to greet me, and I follow them, smiling when I walk into the kitchen and see a group of my favorite people. Caleb behind Olivia, his hands wrapped around her, palms resting against her extended stomach as she chatters away to Katherine and Janet, whose eyes are lit up as they laugh.

I lean against the door way, crossing my arms lightly in front of me as I look at the picture that my family makes.

" Well, good morning Sunshine," Olivia says and I smile stepping into the kitchen, into the warmth.

" Hey, what are ya'll doing here so early?" I ask, hugging each of them before turning towards the fridge pulling out a bottle of water and apple.

" You don't know?" Caleb asks, his voice serious. My heart kind of falters in my chest as I look at all of their faces.

" What is it? What's wrong?" I ask, my voice shaking as I try to clamp down on the sudden panic that courses through me. Of course I know its paranoia on my part to automatically assume that something is wrong. But its been nearly two months of quiet and normalcy. Its only a matter of time before something happens again.

" Nothing, Brooke. Nothings wrong. Everything is okay. We got a text message from Michael last night, asking us to be here by eight a.m." Caleb says, and I sigh my shoulders relaxing slowly, my stomach rolling viciously even as I try to calm it down.

" And Mom just came to drop me off," Janet says, coming around the counter top brushing a hand over my shoulder, " Its been a while since I've just hung out with you and Mike."

" I should get going, have a few things to see to today. It was wonderful seeing you all. Brooke, would you mind walking me to the car?" Katherine asks and I smile and nod my head letting her lead me from the kitchen.

* * *

" You haven't been sleeping well," Katherine says as we take our time heading towards the car, and I turn my head looking at her in shock.

" How did you know?" I ask, pulling open the front door, my skin prickling when a blast of cold air dances over me.

" Its in your eyes," she says smiling when I shut the front door behind me, " You've been feeling kind of off for a while now haven't you?" I nod my head slowly, wondering if I'm really that transparent or if its simply that Katherine knows everything about, well, everything.

" Has Michael said anything to you?" I ask, wondering if my sudden fatigue is wearing Michael down as well.

" No," she says, turning to look at me, her eyes shining, " I think your pregnant Brooke."

Everything stops for a minute as I stare at Katherine, her words jumbling around in my head.

" Brooke," Katherine says her voice worried, " Brooke honey." I shake my head and look at her, trying to fix a smile on my face.

" I'm sorry, you just," I murmur, " You caught me off guard."

" I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to say anything. Its just, the last few times I saw you, you looked so run down, and at first I chalked it up to the weather, since its been so much colder than it usually gets in this area. But Michael did make a passing comment about you having an upset stomach the last few days, and I put two and two together," she says, taking my hand in hers, " Is it possible?"

" I honestly don't know. Things have been so crazy, what with therapy, and trying to get things ready for the celebration, and helping Olivia with her nursery and shopping for the baby, I just haven't thought of that possibility," I say my voice hitching inside of me.

" Well, maybe you need to slow everything down and seriously think about it," she offers, hugging me softly.

" Yeah," I murmur, hugging her back, " I'll do that. It was wonderful seeing you Katherine."

* * *

I watch as Katherine drives away, my arms wrapped around myself. The truth is I didn't dare let myself think that pregnancy was a possibility. I knew after Margot shot me that my chances of conceiving a child would be slim, so I pushed the idea out of my head. Instead focusing all of my energy on well, just about anything else in the world but that one thing.

But now. Now that Katherine has said something, I know I'll obsess over the possibility. I open the front door, basking in the warm air as I shut it behind me, bracing my back against the solid cherry wood. I lift a hand to my throat, my mind wandering away as I close my eyes.

The thought of carrying Michael's child inside of me fills me with hope, and fear. An odd mixture to have at a time like this. And though I know the chance of said pregnancy is slim to none, I cant help but wonder. Wonder what the child would look like. Would he have Michael's hair, and my eyes. Or if it were to be a girl, would she have my eyes and Michael's hair. I can almost see the caramel colored skin, almost feel the silkiness of it.

" Brooke," a soft voice calls out to me, pulling me from wild imaginings, " Brooke? You okay?" I open teary eyes to find Olivia's face swimming in front of me and I blink madly, trying to shake the thought from my head.

" I'm fine," I lie as I plaster a smile on my face.

" You sure?" Olivia asks, rubbing a hand over her stomach, and I smile, nodding my head.

" Yeah, listen, I need to ask you something and it may seem a little, odd, but when you first thought you were," I'm interrupted when Caleb calls for us from the kitchen and I sigh.

" Brooke, you were saying?" Liv says as she links her arm through my mine as we make our way towards the kitchen.

" Never mind," I murmur, " Its nothing."

* * *

We walk into the kitchen and find Michael sitting at the table with Caleb and Janet, and they laugh loudly as we join them.

" Hey, there you two are," Michael says, getting up to greet us. I watch as he crosses to Olivia and hugs her, brushing a tender kiss to her cheek, before dropping to his knee's, wide palms covering Olivia stomach. " And how is my niece? I cant wait to meet you little one. Just know, I'm going to be your favorite Uncle."

" Uhm, Mike, your going to be her only Uncle," Caleb points out drawing laughter from all of us.

And he's right. Olivia is an only child, and I'm Caleb's only sibling, therefore Michael is literally the only Uncle for their child. Where as me and Michael's child will have four Aunts, and six Uncles. One of each being from me, the rest coming from Michael's side of the family.

I feel the blood drain from my face as I realize what I had just thought, and everyone's eyes are on me.

" Baby, you okay?" Michael asks getting to his feet to cross to me, " Your pale. Really pale. Are you not feeling well again?"

" No, no, I'm fine, really, just a little hungry that's all," I say, which isn't necessarily a lie. Katherine did drag me away from my apple before I had a chance to take just one bite.

" Your sure?" he presses and I fix a smile on my face, pressing a hand to his cheek.

" I'm sure," I say, taking the apple that Janet holds out to me, and I take a bite out of it, smiling broadly at Michael, " See. Feeling better all ready. Now do you want to tell us why you had them come out here so early?"

* * *

" Oh right. Right, how could I forget," he says, but I can tell by the way that he's looking at me that he doesn't quite believe me when I say that the reasoning for me looking ill is the fact that I'm hungry, " I don't know if you guys know, well I know Janet and Brooke do, but I don't know if you two know that this will be my first Christmas."

" Your first Christmas in this house?" Olivia asks, and when Michael shakes his head no she looks at me confused.

" No, my first Christmas," he says, his voice tight with nerves.

" As in your first Christmas ever?" she asks letting Caleb help her into a chair.

" Yes," Michael stammers as he blushes deeply. I run my hand down his arm, linking my fingers with his, squeezing lightly.

" Oh wow," Olivia says, her lips forming a little o to show her apparent surprise, " So you never celebrated Christmas, not once, when you were little?"

" No. Our families beliefs, I'll just say that they didn't allow for such festivities," Michael says, and I look at Liv, and can tell by the look on her face that she has about another billion questions but I clear my throat lightly catching her eye, and she understands with one glance to not push the subject.

" Anyways, I've been researching for a while now, all about traditions and things like that, and well, I came up with these," Michael says, pulling a box from the kitchen counter handing each of us a three ringed binder. On the front is a printed picture of a beautifully decorated Christmas tree, and I smile.

When Michael wants to do something he wants to do it right. Even if it means overly obsessing about it, and breaking it down to the lowest of levels. He is a perfectionist after all.

I cant stifle the chuckle that spills from my lips as I flip through the pages, glancing over a page of Christmas movies that I love, and have watched a million times.

" What?" Michael asks, looking over at me.

" Nothing, its just," I say, closing the notebook clasping my hands over it, " Baby, Christmas isn't all about structure. Its about tradition, and fun."

" I don't have any traditions," he says flatly making me wince. Of course he doesn't. This is his first Christmas after all.

" Well, we'll make our own, with the help of Olivia, and Caleb, and Janet too if she wants to be a part of it all, we'll create our own traditions," I say, taking his hand in mine.

" Okay," he says somewhat glumly, " But can we at least watch all the movies on the list?"

" Of course we can," I say, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, " I promise."

* * *

_And it's a promise I intend to keep._

_Anything to keep my mind off the 'possibility.' _

_And if it means that I have to damn near kill myself to give Michael the best first Christmas of his life to keep my mind from thinking of the impossible…._

_Then so be it._


	32. Chapter 32: Ready Or Not

**Author's Note: Woo look at that two chapters out in one morning...welcome back insomnia haha. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Dont be afraid to let me know what you think :D As Always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 32: Ready Or Not**

_**" **Fear is single handedly the driving force of most mistakes. That, and love."-Anonymous._

_**

* * *

**_

_Pregnant. _

_Not Pregnant. _

_Pregnant. _

_Not Pregnant. _

I stare out of the window, watching as Michael walks across the frost bitten grass towards the studio, his hands jammed into the pockets of his blue jacket, a small tug in the pit of my stomach has me feeling nauseous. Things have been crazy around the house. Olivia and Caleb have decided to spend the duration of the holidays here at the ranch, which is nice, especially since Michael has been spending more time in studio and less time in the house.

I cant begrudge him that. In fact, I'm envious. It seems like with everything I've gone through, my inspiration for music has slipped away, and instead in its place is nothing but confusion. Not knowing what I want to do with myself, with my life. I groan, pressing a hand to my mouth as a wave of nausea crashes over me, and I double over, trying to will it away.

" Knock, knock, Brooke!" Caleb's voice calls out to me and I shake my head holding a hand in the air, " Are you okay?"

" Fine, I'm fine," I say, standing up slowly, thankful when I find that the sick feeling in my stomach has passed.

" Are you sure? Look I haven't been pushing because I know that you'll come to me when your ready too, but I'm worried about you love," he says, leading me to edge of the bed, " Your running yourself ragged planning for Christmas. And nine times out of ten you fall asleep in the first five minutes of our movie nights."

" I," I murmur, shaking my head at him, shrugging my shoulders before looking away.

" B, what is it?" he presses and it snaps. The careful hold on my warring emotions snaps, and my eyes flood involuntarily.

" I think I'm pregnant," I say the words rushing out so quickly that I clap my hand over my mouth wishing that I could just take them back. Saying them out loud makes them all too real. Saying it makes the hope almost touchable.

" Well that's fantastic, I was wondering when you two were going to start a family of your own, and Michael must be ecstatic by the idea, and" he trails off when he see's the big fat tears rolling off my face, and sudden awareness comes over him, " He doesn't know does he?"

I shake my head, unable to find my voice through the thickness in my throat.

" Are you scared that he wont want a baby? Has he said something like that to you, because if he has, I swear, I'll," I take his hand stopping him from his sudden violent rant.

" No. No he hasn't said anything like that," I murmur, " Quite the opposite actually. Michael wants children."

" Do you?" he asks, and I smile sadly, brushing the tears from my face.

" Yes, I do, but it isn't that simple is it Caleb?" I ask, getting up to pace the room, my arms wrapped tightly around myself, " When I was shot, you know that they had to remove one of my ovaries. The doctors told me that it would be harder for me to conceive. Not impossible, but hard."

" Then what's the problem?" he asks, the look of confusion on his face making me feel stupid.

" What if its nothing Caleb? I have been obsessing over the idea of being pregnant for nearly a week, and as much as I've been trying to lock away any hope, every time I think about it, hope leaks in a little more and more each time. And what happens when I find out, and I find out I'm not? It will kill me. Its like loving something your not even sure you have," I say, tears shaking my shoulders as I come to stop in front of him, dropping my face into my hands.

" Oh B," he says, wrapping me in a gentle hug, " You cant keep living in the what if's you know? If you aren't pregnant than its just not time yet, but what if you are? If you are pregnant you have to be seen. You have to find a doctor, and start taking care of that baby."

I cling to him, knowing that what he says is true. But still. The idea of being pregnant just seems completely impossible.

* * *

I stand in the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand as Olivia sits in a barstool, reading directions to me.

" Okay Brookey, you have to add the eggs now," Liv says, and I smile picking and egg, cracking it against the side of the bowl, " You know what we're missing Brookey?"

" What would that be Livy?" I ask, tossing the empty egg shells into the trash before turning to stir them in.

" Music. Do you remember when I'd come over for baking nights and we'd sing and dance through out the whole kitchen?" she asks, her voice growing somewhat misty and I look up at her, smiling when I see that tears gleam in her eyes.

" Livy," I murmur coming around the counter, wrapping arm around her shoulder.

" Stupid hormones," she mumbles wiping at her eyes.

" Honey its okay. We'll sing," I say hugging her lightly before going back to mixing, " What do you want to hear."

" I don't know, surprise me," she says, and I smile looking up at her.

Forty five minutes later, I sit next to Liv, humming Jingle Bells as we separate frosting, adding food coloring to the bowls.

" It smells so good in here," Michael's voice bounces off the walls and my stomach involuntarily clenches when he drops a hand to my shoulder.

" Thank you, we've been slaving away for hours," Olivia says, and I smirk turning my head to look up at him.

" But don't worry we've saved the best part for you and Caleb," I say, crinkling my nose when he lifts a hand and brushes flour from my face.

" And that would be?" he asks, his curiosity obviously peeked.

" Clean up of course," I say, pointing towards the mountain of dishes that have consumed a whole counter top. His smile falters slightly, and I laugh so hard that tears stream down my face.

" You've got to be kidding me," he grumbles and I chuckle shaking my head.

" Oh but I'm not," I say shrugging my shoulder nonchalantly, " Its tradition. Those who bake are exempt from clean up."

" Somehow I'm thinking that's a tradition you just came up with off the top of that gorgeous head of yours," he teases and I smile at him, popping a chocolate chip into my mouth.

" That would be my little secret," I say grinning when he walks away muttering about the injustice of Christmas Traditions before calling loudly for Caleb.

* * *

Later, I sit cuddled into Michael, cozy under a big down blanket, while Caleb puts a movie on. It had become a new tradition. One brought on by Michael's Christmas Movie list to watch a Christmas movie every single night. Last night was A Wonderful Life, one of my favorites, and a true classic. But tonight. Tonight we're in for a real treat because tonight's movie is A Christmas Story. My all time favorite Christmas movie.

I grin, curling onto my side, throwing my legs over Michael's, one arm wrapping around his waist. My fingers brush against his skin, and I smile. Its moments like this, when I'm wrapped up in Michael, in his warmth, in him that I forget all of the things that worry me.

I lose myself in the feel of him, the way his skin seems to heat under my finger tips, and the small, deep noises that my touch seems to draw from him.

" Your going to have to stop that," Michael whispers, his voice breathy, " I cant concentrate on the movie when you touch me."

" Oh well," I say, an unfamiliar feeling coursing through me as I peek my head up and look around, finding that both Olivia and Caleb have fallen asleep, Olivia cradled against Caleb, his hand resting on their unborn child. I smile, before turning my eyes back to Michael, and I roll so that I'm sitting on Michael's lap, my hands on either side of his head, " I suppose I should stop."

I press light kisses to his neck, the taste of him intoxicating.

" What's gotten into you?" he asks, and I look down at him, shrugging my shoulders.

" I don't know, and don't care," I say catching his lips in mine, " Do you?"

" Hell, no," he says lifting me standing up his arms wrapped around me as I hitch my lips around his waist and I bury my face in his neck giggling happily as he walks quickly, almost running to our room.

* * *

I smile, eyes closed as Michael's head rests against my stomach, his fingers dancing over my damp skin.

" Is this another Christmas Tradition?" Michael asks, his head turning to look at me.

" What?" I ask, my fingers raking through his hair as I open my eyes slowly.

" Wives seducing their husbands in the middle of Christmas movies," he says grinning up at me and I laugh, shrugging my shoulders lightly.

" Should be," I murmur, closing my eyes again. Quiet settles around us, and Michael goes back to tracing indistinct patterns over my stomach.

" You know," he says, suddenly breaking the silence, " I'm jealous."

" You. Jealous, of what?" I ask, opening my eyes, surprise filling me.

" Not of what, of whom," he says, " Of Caleb. I see the look of wonderment on his face every single day. When he notices the changes Olivia goes through, and I feel a little jealous. I dream of the day that I get to watch you, watch your body growing because my child is growing inside of you, to feel him or her kick, to see them come into the world. If I could have anything for Christmas in this whole wide world, that would be it."

My heart slams in my chest when I watch his eyes flutter closed, long fingers covering my stomach, as if he could will conception to occur while he sleeps.

_And guilt floods over me._

_Around me._

_Inside me._

_And I realize just how incredibly selfish I've been, keeping this particular 'possibility' a secret from Michael._

_I close my eyes, a single tear rolling down the side of my face, dropping into my hair as I realize that scared or not, I'm going to have to find out the truth. And find out fast._


	33. Chapter 33: Hope

Author's Note: Hey all! Thank you all very much for your reviews! They mean so much to me:D I hope that you all enjoy this chapter! As always Read/ Enjoy/Review! Onto Chapter Thrity-Three.

**Chapter 33: Hope**

_" There's nothing wrong with hope. Without it, the goodness of the world would cease to exist."-Anonymous._

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* * *

**_

I slip out of bed, carefully, holding my breath, trying my hardest not to make any noise. The last thing I want to do is wake Michael. Waking him would put a serious kink in my plan to sneak out in the middle of the night. I creep slowly to the door, grabbing Michael's discarded jacket, slipping it on before opening the door. I cast one final glance at Michael, his hand resting on my pillow and I smile slowly before shutting the door.

I find Olivia and Caleb still curled around each other sleeping soundly on the couch, just as they were a few hours ago when Michael and I left them there. I reach over the back of the couch, shaking Olivia's shoulder gently.

" Liv," I whisper, wincing when Caleb stirs, and I hold my breath relaxing when I see that his eyes remain closed, his chest rising and falling evenly in his sleep, " Liv." I whisper louder and her eyes flutter open.

" This better be good," Olivia mutters sitting up slowly.

" It is, I promise, I need you to come with me," I say trying to keep my voice down.

" Brooke, its one thirty in the morning," she says, her voice growing whiny, but then she looks at me, her eyes searching my face, " Okay, but can I at least pee first?"

" Yeah, just make it as quick as possible," I say jingling Michael's car keys in my hand, " I'll be in the car."

I watch as Olivia walks out to the car, Caleb's jacket pulled tight around her as little white clouds puff from her mouth, proof of the bitter cold night air. I crank the heat a little higher, and shiver when she opens the door cold air filling the car.

" You want to tell me why we're sneaking out of the house after one thirty in the morning?" Olivia says, her voice still tired as she stifles a yawn as I pull out of the drive way.

" I need to get something," I say, turning off our road, setting cruise for an easy fifty five.

" What do you need to get?" she presses and I turn to look at her, her eyes clouded with fatigue.

" A pregnancy test."

Tense silence fills the car, and I grip the steering wheel wishing she would just say something, anything.

" Wow," Olivia says, her voice shaky and I nod my head, " How long have you been suspecting it?"

" A little over a week. Probably would have taken me longer to realize the chance, if it weren't for Katherine," I say, stopping at a red light.

" I don't understand," she says, and I sigh shaking my head.

" I didn't at first either. When she came over last week and I walked her out to the car she started saying things. Like she could tell I haven't been sleeping well, said she could see it in my eyes. She could tell I had been feeling off. Which is true. I've been sleeping like crap, been getting dizzy spells, feeling nauseous on and off through out the day," I say, my voice growing tense, " That's when she just blurted it out. Said she thinks I'm pregnant."

" Why didn't you tell me?" she asks her voice sounding slightly hurt and I groan, shrugging my shoulders.

" You remember what the doctors said Liv. After they had to remove," I trail off, the memory suddenly hurting me to my very core, " They said it would be hard for me to conceive. To be honest, I had all but given up on the idea of having children of my own. Michael and I have discussed the very real possibility of not having kids together, biologically, decided we'd become the next Brangelina, just less creepy," I say smiling when that pulls a giggle from her.

" Still, you could have come to me," she says, " I mean hello, I am pregnant. I would have been able to tell you from the get go that those are some tell tale signs. Are you late?"

" Yes," I say, pulling into the dimly lit parking lot of Wal-Greens. " I hadn't really been paying any attention. You know? My cycle was thrown off, ever since Blake, and well everything. So I didn't think anything of it when I missed last month."

" Brooke," she says, taking my hand in hers, " Its going to be okay."

" I know, I think," I whisper, trying not to cry, " Its just. I don't want to hope. Its like, I love this baby all ready, and there is a huge chance that there isn't even a baby there to love."

" Hey, stop it," she says taking my face in her hands, " B. If you aren't pregnant, it will happen. I believe that with all of my heart, and you want to know why? Because it would be a crime against humanity to not have you and Michael bring outrageously gorgeous and overwhelmingly talented children into this world? And if you are, which I bet you are, just imagine all of the amazing things you get to go through, and with Michael. And just think, our babies will only be what five months apart in age. They'll be inseparable, just like family should be."

I nod my head, hugging her tightly. Olivia's right. I just have to keep reminding myself of that fact.

* * *

An hour later Olivia and I are safe and warm in the guest house, and I sit next to her on the bed, staring at the multitude of pregnancy tests that lay in front of me. Okay, perhaps I went a little over board, but there are just too many damn choices. One's that give the results digitally, the tried and true plus, minus sign, pink lines, blue lines. All of them bounce around in my head, giddily swimming as my heart pounds against my ribs.

" Well, what are you waiting for?" Olivia asks, and I look over at her.

" I don't have to pee," I say, looking back at the boxes, " I had to pee like crazy when we left Wal-Greens and now all of a sudden I don't have to go."

" Well, my beautiful best friend," she says, handing me a bottle of water, " Start chuggin'."

Olivia and I sit together, backs braced against the wall of the bathroom, a line of pregnancy tests on the counter top, and somehow we're both frozen. Ample time has passed for the results to show up, but I think we're both too scared to look.

" This is ridiculous," Olivia says at length, struggling to get to her feet, " Are we honestly afraid of some little sticks?"

I look up at her, her hands on her hips as she paces back and forth in front of the counter.

" Yes," I say, " I don't know if I can look."

" B. Your going to have to look sooner or later," she says her voice soft.

" No. No I don't," I say, looking up at her, pleading with my eyes, " You do it. You look."

" Me?" she squeaks and I nod my head rapidly, " Why me?"

" Because you're my best friend. And that's what best friends do. They look at sticks their best friends have peed on," I say and she rolls her eyes throwing her hands in the air.

" Fine, I'll look," and before I can protest she picks up one of the tests and turns it over, looking at it.

My heart pounds furiously in my ears as I stare at Olivia's back, and my heart sinks when I realize that her shoulders are shaking though no noise can be heard. She turns slowly, a smile on her lips even as tears the size of soft balls roll down her glowing face.

" B," she says, holding a hand out to me, and I reluctantly take it, getting to my feet, bracing myself for bad news, " Your pregnant."

* * *

I've managed to pass through the day, feeling as if I'm floating. Caught somewhere between a beautiful dream and terrifying reality. I try to act like everything's normal, waiting for a moment alone to talk to Michael. To tell him the news. To watch his eyes widen when I tell him that I'm carrying our baby.

But today just had to be one of the busiest days we've had all month. Caleb and Michael leaving first thing this morning after breakfast ( in which they cooked, therefore banishing Olivia and I to clean up duty. They learn fast.) telling me and Olivia that they would be gone most of the day, shopping.

So with the kitchen spotless, and Olivia laying down for her nap, its just me, a crackling fire, and a book to pass the down time. Cookies have been baked and stored, the Christmas tree decorated, the movie for tonight picked out and set aside, dinner in the slow cooker. I shouldn't be left alone with just my thoughts.

It's a dangerous combination, the silence and my mind. I stare out of the window of the library, trying not to over think the current situation I'm in. On the one hand I should be ecstatic. Yet even though every test had the same result, doubt still nibbles at the back of my mind, stopping me from embracing the excitement that bubbles under the surface.

I throw my head back, letting out a sigh of frustration. This shouldn't be so damn difficult. Why cant anything ever just be easy? Is that really too much to ask. I cover my eyes with my arm, and just as I close my eyes the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut causes me to jump knocking the unopened book from my lap onto the floor.

" We're home!" Caleb's sing song voice carries loudly to greet me and I roll off the chair, pulling my light green sweater down, smoothing my jeans.

" Took ya'll long enough," I say strolling into the entry way, where my eyes proceed to widen to three times their normal size easily when I see the mountain, no the ocean, of bags that are dumped on the floor. " What did you do? Buy the mall?"

" Is it too much?" Michael asks, nervously biting the corner of his lips, his eyes lit with nervousness, " Its just. I kept seeing things that people would like, and once I got started, I couldn't stop."

" No honey its fine," I say, smiling at him as I step gingerly over the packages, " It's just. Surprising, that's all."

" Oh, good. Besides, a good quarter of this stuff is Caleb's," he says, and I hear Caleb chuckle from behind me.

" When's dinner?" Caleb asks nonchalantly, and I roll my eyes turning to look at him.

" When its ready," I say, my throat thickening slightly as I realize how much I sounded just like my Mom in that moment, " What I mean to say is, dinner will be ready when you two get all of these presents put away, and the table set."

" Aww, man," Caleb mutters kicking his foot against the tiled floor, " Your such a slave driver."

" Got that right," I say chuckling as I walk away.

* * *

" That dinner was amazing," Michael says, handing me a stack of plates and I turn my head slightly smiling at him.

" Thank you," I say leaning into him when he brushes a kiss over my cheek, " Learned it from my Mama."

" Mmm. Not only beautiful, talented in music, but an amazing cook as well, how did I get so lucky?" he asks, and I shrug my shoulders, settling back against him when he wraps his arms around my waist from behind, " The only thing missing from this wonderful picture is a little one."

My hands jerk causing me to drop the plate I was washing, splashing water all down the front of my shirt and pants.

" Damn it," I hiss, pulling the dish towel from the counter wiping up the mess I've made.

" Brooke, are you okay?" he asks and I nod my head, keeping my head down, " You seem so jumpy tonight."

" I'm fine Michael," I say, turning back to the dishes.

" Are you sure?" he presses and for whatever reason his concern and questioning has me feeling on edge.

" Yes Michael. God, I said I was fine, I mean I'm fine," I say throwing the towel on the counter, stomping from the room.

* * *

I pace the bedroom, cursing the way I reacted. This isn't right. Mood swings, and hormones shouldn't be affecting me this soon. Logically I know this. But for whatever reason, I cant seem to make my thundering emotions just slow down. And I know what's behind it.

Guilt. Plain, simple, unadulterated guilt. I should have told Michael a week ago, when his mother came to me with the suspicion of my pregnancy, but I didn't. I let fear get in the way. And all this time I went through this alone when I didn't need too.

I sit on the end of the bed, dropping my head heavily into my hands. And now, now Michael must think I've gone completely mental. One minute its sweet loving Brooke, next minute I'm a raging bitch. I lay back, hands laying low over my stomach.

I'll have to do something to make it up to him. I sit up slowly, an idea dawning on me. I know just what to do.

* * *

I bounce down the stairs, the small wrapped present in my hand.

" Michael?" I call out, noticing the lights are all off.

" We're in the living room," Michael calls out and I walk slowly into the room, noticing that the no movie plays, instead, Christmas music plays from the stereo. Olivia and Caleb sit side by side on the couch, Olivia's feet tucked underneath her as she nurses a can of Ginger Ale, Caleb next to her, his feet nonchalantly kicked up on the coffee table, his arm thrown over the back of the couch.

" Well, looks like your in a better mood," Caleb teases and I smile at him slowly, nodding my head.

" Thank God," Michael says, and I roll my eyes.

" I'm sorry," I say sitting next to him, setting the small wrapped gift on his lap.

" What's this?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow at me.

" A present of course. To make up for my attitude earlier," I say, smiling at him softly.

" Brooke, you don't have to give me something, I understand that you've been feeling kind of run down lately," he says, running a hand lovingly over my shoulder.

" I know that, but please, open it," I say, urging him on softly.

" Brooke," he says, " I shouldn't. You said yourself that you only get to open one present early and that's supposed to be on Christmas eve, which isn't for another week."

" Damn it Michael," I mutter, " Do you always play by the rules? Consider it a new tradition okay?"

" All right, all right. I'll open it, if it means that you'll stop being so grouchy," he murmurs, tearing the paper slowly and delicately. My pulse hammers in my chest when he pulls the slim, plain white box from the paper.

I can feel the tears all ready starting to prickle at the back of my eyes when he painstakingly, and I can almost swear, purposely takes his time removing the top of the box.

" Does this mean I have to give you one of your," Michael's voice catches and trails off as he stares at the content of the box in front of him. He slowly lifts shining eyes to mine, a look of total and utter wonder playing over his face. " Brooke?"

I nod my head slowly as a tear slides down my cheek landing on my lips. He pulls me to my feet, holding my shoulders between his hands.

" Your pregnant?" he asks, and I nod my head slowly, " We're having a baby?"

" Yes," I say nodding my head, and I turn my head when I hear a sniffle from behind. Olivia sits, her head buried in Caleb's shoulder tears streaming down her face.

" Baby. We're having a baby. Your having my baby," Michael's voice is light, barely a whisper. He gathers me close, his hand cupping the back of my head and I feel completely at ease. Like all of the pieces that seemed so jumbled have suddenly fallen into place.

I lay in Michael's arms, his heart rhythmically beating under my ear and I smile when he pulls me closer, his hand subconsciously resting on my exposed stomach.

_Nothing can go wrong now. _

_I have Michael. _

_Michael has me. _

_And together, we have the tiny life growing inside of me. _

_Looks like we've finally gotten our rainbow. _

_I hope. _


	34. Chapter 34: The Perfect Night

**Author's Note: Hey everyone...if anyone still reads this story lol. Sorry that I have been gone for so long. I was dealing with some, personal issues and I ended up being away for a month from any form of internet. And though I've had internet for almost two weeks, I have had horrible, horrible writers block. So if this chapter isnt that great I apologize now. Anyways, enough of my rambling. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!**

**Chapter 34: The Perfect Night**

_" The worst thing to do is to grow complacent. Just when you think all is well, the universe proves to be the eternal jokester."-Unknown._

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Life as I know is changing. The New Year has begun, and with it comes Michael's promotion tour, which means a million c.d signings, and press junkets. And that means endless flights, and hotel rooms serving as home. And as tiring as all of this seems to me, I couldn't be happier. I honestly couldn't. Not if someone placed the moon in the palm of my hands.

I smile as I fold another shirt placing it in the suitcase that sits open on the bed. The biggest change of all is the one that is happening inside of me every second of every single day. Michael's child growing inside of me. I pause momentarily, pressing a hand to my stomach. Twelve weeks along and growing stronger every day. At least I like to think so.

" Knock, knock," a soft voice calls from the door way and I look up, smiling broadly when I see Olivia, her face glowing as she cradles two week old Mackenzie Rose.

" Liv," I say smiling as I walk towards her, easily taking the sleeping baby from her hands, " And the prettiest little girl in the entire world." I sit on the edge of the bed, running a finger over Mackenzie's impossibly soft skin. " You look amazing Liv, how are you feeling?"

" Amazing," Liv says sitting next to me her eyes staying on her daughters sleeping face.

" Motherhood agrees with you my friend," I say, pressing a soft kiss to the baby's head before handing her back.

" And pregnancy agrees with you," she says and I laugh lightly as I zip up my suitcase.

" Pregnancy may agree with me, but I don't agree with the morning sickness. You know that term is so deceiving. It should be called _' all day sickness,_' or _' getting sick at the most inopportune time sickness.'_ To have it labeled as just a morning thing is just wrong," I say beaming at her when she laughs almost hysterically.

" It gets better I promise," she says, " And in the end, its completely worth it. I have proof."

" Yeah, well you weren't saying that when you all but cursed the hospital roof down while you were in labor with your 'proof,'" I say and the answering blush that creeps into her face makes me giggle.

" Well, I'd love to see you give birth to an eight pound baby without cussing," she says expertly cradling Mackenzie against her shoulder, " And I'm betting that your baby will be bigger. What with Michael being so tall and all."

" Bite your tongue," I groan, " Anyways, aside from coming over to say such mean things to me, what has you and the prettiest baby in the whole world out here?"

" Just came to see my best friend before she leaves for a month. Wanted to check on you. I feel like we have somehow become so disconnected. I mean, its been what fourteen days since we've seen each other?" she says, and I smile sitting next to her.

" Liv, you have a newborn, and we talk every single day, and its only four weeks," I say, brushing a hand over her shoulder to show her I understand, " Besides, I call you on almost a daily basis to ask you pregnancy related questions. I swear your better than that damn ' What To Expect When Your Expecting' book."

" Well I know that. But, I mean, I don't want things to change, I mean look at us now. Two weeks of not seeing each other, next thing you know it will be a month, and then two, and then I'll be getting your '_welcome baby' _announcement through an e-mail, or worse, myspace or something," she rambles on her eyes clouding over and I stare at her in pure shock.

" Okay, first of all. You know I don't use myspace. I'm a facebook sort of girl. Second. Your not only my best friend but my sister, so you better believe that your butt will be parked in the delivery room when I have this baby, and third, what makes you think that a little thing such as distance will ever come between us? Do you not recall the time you spent in Paris? Or the time I spent on tour before you came back? And what happened? We picked up right where we left off. I promise you Liv, you having Mackenzie and your own family, and me having Michael and starting my own changes nothing. Our kids will grow up together, and their kids, and so on and so forth until we are old ladies chasing each other around in our motorized wheel chairs, got?" I ask, and her answering nod and sniffle show me that I have made myself perfectly clear. " Now what do you say we take this pretty girl downstairs so her uncle can give her some love?"

* * *

I watch as Michael holds Mackenzie, his impossibly long finger running lovingly over her cheek as he beams down at her.

" She's beautiful," Michael says, his eyes lifting to look over at where Olivia and I sit, and I cant help but smile when he turns his attention fully back to the now awake infant in his arms before we can say anything in response.

It's a beautiful sight. Seeing Michael with our niece. Like a window into our future. Knowing that in just six months it will be our child who captivates him. Our child that he will love more than anything or anyone else in this whole world.

" When do you guys leave?" Liv asks breaking into my thoughts and I shake my head looking over at her.

" Two in the morning," I groan tucking my legs under me, " Why we have to leave so damn early is beyond me."

" Uh oh, is someone not a morning person?" she teases and I roll my eyes at her.

" I'm not an anytime person anymore," I say smiling, " I am just so tired all the time. And if I'm not tired than I am having to run to the bathroom a million times a day. Why didn't you ever tell me that pregnancy is so exhausting?"

" And give away all the surprises, I think not," she laughs and I playfully smack her arm.

" Some best friend you are," I say, " And to think I was going to ask you to stay for dinner. I'm cooking."

" Aww come on Brookey-Bee you know I was just playing, come on," Liv says following me as I laugh my way into the kitchen.

* * *

I lay in bed next to Michael, watching him as he sleeps a soft smile on my lips. It was a great night. The perfect night actually. Family meal, laughter. All moments that I look forward to sharing with him and our children. I shift slowly, rolling over to settle into sleep when the pain hits me. Its like running into a brick wall going fifty. I gasp from it, as I brace myself on the bed and throw up all over the place.

" Brooke?" Michael sleepy voice intrudes my head as I look over at him, tears rolling down my face as I clutch my stomach, " Baby?"

" I don't know what's wrong," I gasp out, " Michael, what's happening?"


End file.
